A Good Secretary is Hard to Find

by GinaD.

Warnings/Ratings:  Very PG, none.

Disclaimer:  I don't own them and I'm not making any money. 

Note: This story was archived on my website until AOL did away with it. Thanks Nancy for taking me in.

"Where's Chris?" Vin asked Buck as the mustached man slid into his chair and grabbed a menu.

It was 'Mexican Tuesday' as the team liked to call it. If possible the entire team always met at the Armadillo for lunch.

"He'll be along directly. Had to run some papers up to Travis." Buck replied.

"Hey did you guys notice the flowers on Ruth's desk?" JD was referring to AD Travis' secretary. "I wonder who sent them?"

"Tomorrow is Secretaries Day." Josiah scooped up a bite of salsa. "The flowers are from the judge."

"I believe the correct term is Administrative Professional's Day." Ezra drawled.

"It is?" JD looked a bit confused. "Uh do we have an admin this week? I mean if we do maybe we should get her flowers or something."

"We are between administrative support personnel again." Ezra shrugged his shoulders. "Not sure why this one left."

"She said the job was too stressful." Nathan replied. "Actually she screamed it at Chris over the intercom on his phone just before she ran out the door."

"How many does that make in the last 12 months?" JD asked.

There was a moment of silence as the six men considered the question.

"Well let's see, there was the blonde with the big." Buck held his hands in front of his chest and bounced them.

"You would remember that one." JD snorted. "Why'd she quit?"

"She got married." Josiah chuckled "Remember, we went to the wedding and her husband got jealous. After her we had the redhead in the short skirts."

"Oh yeah and the tight sweaters. I miss her." Buck's tone was wistful. "That girl sure knew how to fill out a sweater."

"She was efficient as well, only one failing." Ezra's devilish grin warmed his face. "She decided all our fearless leader needed was the love of a good woman."

Everyone laughed at the memory. For a period of six weeks Chris had been a hunted man much to the delight of his team.

"Then there was the guy." Nathan continued.

"Who decided all Vin needed was the love of a good _man_." Buck's threw in unfazed by the blue eyed glare directed his way. The comment sent the rest of the table off in laughter again. The remembrances flew fast and thick after that.

"The mousy one with the big glasses. She cried all the time."

"Freaked and quit when JD and Vin got shot."

"The older lady with the support socks."

"Told Chris he'd get his reports when she felt like it."

"The one who was always chewing gum."

"Judge caught her doing her nails when he came down to find out why no one was answering the phone."

"The really religious one who kept leaving pamphlets on our desks."

"Informed Josiah we were all a bunch of heathens. Claimed that Buck getting pierced by a bullet was proof of our perfidy. Chris effected a transfer for her own protection."

Everyone shot the big man a look. Josiah shrugged and reached for another chip. "Let she who is without sin cast the first stone."

"Don't forget the bubble headed brunette." JD chimed in. A sudden grim silence descended on the table as everyone turned to look at Ezra. "Oh man Ezra I'm sorry.." JD stumbled over his apology.

Ezra waved the words away. "Do not concern yourself. I admit I am a bit curious myself. What did happen to her? All I knew or cared was that she was gone when I came back from medical leave."

"Closest I ever saw Chris come to hitting a woman." Buck's face was grim. "As soon as we knew you were gonna make it he went back to the office. Josiah and I were right behind him." The dark haired man paused a moment remembering that horrible day.

Ezra had been working undercover. A snitch called the office to warn his cover was blown. Instead of passing the message onto one of the others or calling Ezra's cell phone, the admin had placed a message slip on his desk and gone to lunch. At the same time she was getting her nails done Ezra was getting shot by a member of the gang. Luckily Buck and JD had been monitoring him and were able to get help quickly. It had been a tense couple of hours, but the wound hadn't been as bad as it looked.

"When we got there Chris had her backed into a corner." Josiah shook his head sadly. "Took both of us to pull him away enough she could run. Never saw her again, didn't even clean out her desk."

There was another moment of quiet while everyone pushed the dark thoughts of that horrible day away. Finally Vin broke the silence. "And after her we had the vampire."

The tension poured out with everyone either smiling or chuckling.

"Do you remember how she always kept the shades pulled in her office?" JD laughed.

"Only person I ever saw who wore more black than Chris." Nathan mused.

"Only person I ever saw that scared Chris." Buck chuckled. "What happened to her?"

"She got a night job down at the courthouse." Vin replied around a mouthful of salsa.

"So what does that make?" JD started counting them off on his fingers.

"Ten, plus a couple of temps." Nathan answered him.

"Ten what?" Chris slid into his own chair and looked around.

"Just discussing the remarkable changeover rate we have among our administrative support staff." Ezra clued him in.

"That reminds me, we have a new one starting Monday." Chris signaled for the waitress.

"Have you seen her?" Buck leaned forward. "Is she cute?"

"She is a he, an ex-marine sergeant." Chris had a satisfied look. "He's too tough to scare, too ugly for Buck to date and knows how to run an efficient office."

"Well at least we won't have to worry about getting him anything for Secretaries Day till next year." JD said.

The End

Authors note: No secretaries were injured in the making of this story. Also if you think I am slamming admin, I'm not. I have been an admin most of my life and proud of it. I have actually never met anyone like the above, described women. But I do believe if anyone would end up with the secretary from hell, it would be Team Seven. I may someday introduce Sgt. Hardin but I don't know.