Wind Change

by Blackbird

Thanks: to Olivia, whose help was invaluable and far reaching; to Sensei Gwyneth for everything she's taught me, and all the help and editing she's given me; and, for keeping me on the western trail, my Mag7 buddies: Jo, Gwyn, and Christy.

Vin Tanner thumped his chair forward onto all four legs and peered around Chris Larabee, who hadn’t moved a muscle despite the racket. Something was rolling into town, and it was making more noise than a jackass in a tin barn.

At Vin’s thud, Chris looked up from his book, squinting toward the end of town engulfed in noise. A wagon pulled sluggishly into view. The bedraggled man and woman sitting up front paid no attention to the townspeople who stared as they passed, the two mules straining against their load. The wagon rolled to a stop at the opposite end of town, in front of a deserted store front.

The wagon creaked in protest as the man stepped down, and the townfolk who’d stopped to stare went back about their business. The man walked slowly around the horses and helped the woman down off the wagon. They hardly spent a moment clapping the dust off their clothes before opening the door to the store, cautiously stepping inside and disappearing from view.

Vin looked back at Chris, raising an eyebrow. Chris shrugged, spared another glance for the wagon, then reopened his book. Vin tipped his chair back onto its two rear legs again, and returned to his thoughts.

JD, who had poked his head out of the saloon as the wagon rolled by, bounded onto the street with Buck and Ezra strolling behind him, walking toward the wagon. The man and the woman came back out of the shop and started unpacking. When Ezra, Buck, and JD got to talking to the newcomers, Chris gave up on his book and watched the goings-on.

Vin looked over to the scene down the street, but not seeing what had finally captured Chris’s attention, he turned back to his friend. Chris was still at ease, book held relaxed in his hands, forearms on his knees, so Vin leaned back in his chair.

A shout of laughter softened into a familiar southern drawl, catching Vin’s attention. Down the street, the boys were helping the newcomers unload more items from the wagon, Ezra orchestrating.

Vin turned back to Chris. “Wonder what Ezra’s got himself into.”

Chris looked over to the wagon and lowered his chair onto all four legs. He nodded at Vin and they stood, Chris laying his book on the seat of his chair. Side by side, they walked down the street.

Ezra was pushing a box out of the wagon for Buck and JD to carry into the store. The man and woman came out of the store, and Ezra jumped down from the wagon when he saw Chris and Vin approach. He gathered the couple over to meet them. Though obviously tired, they were cheered by the help.

“Gentlemen, how nice of you to come by. Please allow me to perform the introductions. Chris, Vin, may I present Jesse Taylor and his wife Sarah.” Vin saw a Chris’s lips tighten, but his discomfort was gone so fast he doubted anyone else had seen it. Ezra had avoided looking at Chris during the introduction, and he quickly continued. “Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, may I present the two leaders of our merry band, Mr. Chris Larabee and Mr. Vin Tanner.”

Jesse nodded at each of the men. “Mr. Larabee, Mr. Tanner.”

Sarah spoke next. “We’re pleased to meet you gentlemen. And, please, we prefer not to stand on ceremony, call us Jesse and Sarah. We heard about you in the last town we lived in. You’re one reason we decided to move here. I’m hoping that we’ll be safer here than we have been in the past.”

“We’ll do what we can, ma’am, to keep you safe.” Chris tipped his hat to her, nodded to all the men, and turned and walked off, but not before sending an indecipherable glance at Vin.

Both Jesse and Sarah looked surprised at Chris’s rapid departure. Vin spoke up, not wanting them to get the wrong impression. “Chris don’t have a lot to say, ma’am, but he’s a good man.”

Sarah smiled up at him. “We’re finding out very quickly that there are several good men in this town. Now, if you’ll excuse us, Mr. Tanner, I must show these men what I need done, while I have their help.” Jesse hoisted a crate, and they went back into the shop, leaving Vin to watch Ezra staring after them, a silly smile on his face.

He agreed to stay to help drag heavy barrels around to the back of the store while Buck and JD helped Sarah clean. As he worked, Vin considered how strangely both Chris and Ezra were acting around Sarah and Jesse. He had no idea why Ezra was acting so giddy, but he knew why Chris disappeared so fast. Chris was a strong man, but still got twitchy sometimes, even when his wife’s name was mentioned. At those times, he preferred to take himself off somewhere else. Vin wished he could do something to ease his friend’s pain, but Chris held it too deep inside himself for anyone to get near.

When he’d done enough work, Vin left and poked his head into the saloon, then went back to the jail. He was too late; Chris’s book was gone, he didn’t want to be found. He sat, pushing his chair back onto two legs, all of a sudden sure that something was not quite right. He’d missed something he shouldn’t have.

Ezra’s behavior didn’t appear any more normal the longer Vin had stayed to help the Taylors. Vin knew Ezra could spin a tale, but with Sarah and Jesse, the man jawed non-stop. It was like Ezra had got good news and was having a hard time keeping it secret. This was new behavior for the Ezra that Vin knew; strange because it was sincere. Vin shook his head.

Chris was still gone that night; Vin hoped he hadn’t taken a bottle and gone on another high lonesome. No one had seen him since that afternoon. Vin spent the evening at the saloon with the others. He was coming back from the bar, beer in hand, when he noticed something on one of the back tables. It was Chris’s book. He stared at its rough leather cover without touching. Here, lying innocently under his gaze, was a reminder that this was a window into his friend, but which was painted black for him. Vin let his hand hover over the book for a moment, thinking of the many times he’d seen this book in Chris’s hands, finally putting it in his pocket. He’d keep the book safe until he could give it back.

He discarded the idea of trying Chris’s room -- if he was drunk, he’d be impossible, and if he wasn’t, he’d be resentful of the intrusion. Besides, Vin wanted a little more time with the piece of Chris he held in his pocket.

+ + + + + + +

The next morning everyone but Chris and Josiah was eating breakfast in the saloon. Ezra was regaling them with stories that Vin recognized were based on the events of last night, while Vin had been helping out. He would never be able to understand how Ezra did that. The hauling and carrying hadn’t been fun, yet Ezra turned it into a story, nearly so entertaining you wished you’d been there.

Ezra told the group what Jesse and Sarah had volunteered about themselves. Jesse was a cook and they were opening a restaurant. They’d had restaurants in other towns, but had never found a place they wanted to stay. They had some land right outside town for light farming, and were planning on living in the rooms behind the restaurant, at least for the time being. They were hoping the Seven had made this town safe enough so they could settle here.

Nathan said, “Sounds like they had trouble elsewhere. They talk about that at all?”

“Not exactly. But they hope that with the mining camps and the railroad nearby, plus the growth of the town, that another restaurant will be viable.” Ezra had one of the best poker faces Vin had seen, but Vin could still smell it when he was hiding the truth. Vin’s instincts said that the Taylors had told Ezra more than he was letting on, and he wondered if whatever Ezra was hiding would someday become important.

Nathan was talking. “Well, I can’t help them today. I told Josiah I’d help him again with the church.”

Vin was relieved the conversation had shifted to the day’s plans. He wanted to know where Chris was, but didn’t want it to look like he was checking up on him.

Buck pointed his fork at Vin, answering his unspoken question. “Chris took the early shift.” He stabbed at the air over his shoulder. “He’ll be across the street.” Vin nodded and bit into a chunk of bread to keep himself from leaving right away.

Ezra was campaigning to get more help for the Taylors. He badgered JD into helping, and JD looked at Vin imploringly.

Vin gave in, knowing more hauling would let him observe more. “All right. I’ll talk to Chris, maybe I can help for a while.”

“Excellent, gentlemen. I’m sure the Taylors will reward us with at least one delicious complimentary meal.”

At Nathan’s pointed glare, Ezra glared back and added, “That is not the reason I want to help these people. They are genuinely good people and obviously have had problems in the past. I, myself, have been forced to abandon places I'd rather have remained; consequently, I sympathize with their difficulty.”

Nathan was not deterred. “You mean to tell us you had to leave someplace not just ‘cause you got caught cheating or running some scam?”

Ezra smacked his knife and fork onto the table and stood, shoving his chair backwards. His face was flushed. “That’s precisely what I’m telling you. You think you know me, and you judge me on that. You know nothing.” He stormed out of the saloon.

Everyone had similar expressions of shock on their faces. JD had his fork halfway to his mouth and it remained there, suspended.

“Wow. What was that about?” JD rested the fork on his plate and looked at everyone else as though they could answer him.

Nathan was looking down at his plate, and Buck noticed his discomfort. “Now Nathan, you know Ezra don’t give much away; he shows us only what he wants us to see. It ain’t fair of him to get riled when we believe him.”

Nathan nodded and sat back in his chair. “Still, I don’t like it when people assume things about me.”

“He pushes, Nathan, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know, Buck. Excuse me, I’m gonna go over to the church.”

Vin knew this about Ezra, but he hadn’t realized Buck had seen it, too. Sometimes Vin forgot that Buck had layers under his insatiable appetite for women.

He left with the rest of them and found Chris in the same chair as yesterday. Chris looked at him with a question in his eyes -- he must have seen Ezra fly out of the saloon, followed by Nathan. Vin shook his head -- nothing urgent -- and he confirmed it by saying, “Later.”

Chris nodded and looked over to the saloon, where Buck and JD were strolling down the boardwalk.

Vin stuck his hand in his pocket and traced the cracked leather edge of Chris’s book. Rough on the outside, mysterious on the inside. He wanted to give it back to Chris, for Chris to know he’d kept it safe for him, but Vin didn’t want to give it up just yet.

The air around them was thick while Chris waited for him to speak, but all Vin could think of was the book.

He had taken it out of his pocket last night, set it on the covers next to him, and stared at it in lamplight, thinking of its owner. Even though he had felt he was somehow violating Chris’s confidence, he had eventually opened it, looking at the pages covered in indecipherable print.

He wondered what kind of book it was. Not a Bible; they were thicker and the pattern on the pages was different. Whenever he saw any of the other boys reading, Vin wondered what they were reading, but never more so than with Chris. What in these pages had captured the quick mind and imagination of his friend?

Vin remembered being read to as a small child, just a few times, but he’d never forgotten how the words had given him pictures even when there weren’t any pictures in the book. He wondered if this might be a favorite book of Chris’s, a book that showed him pictures so satisfying that he had to see them again and again. Or maybe he was reading through it slowly, to savor every word, like when all you’ve eaten for a few days was hardtack and salt pork, and someone lets you share their stew. You want to eat it all up right away, but it’s better if you go slowly, because you know food don’t usually taste that good.

Did the pictures in this book make living any easier for Chris? Did it bring back his wife and child, just for a little while, and give him any measure of peace? Vin ran his finger over the words, hoping like a child that the words Chris had read would become real for him, too.

He pulled the book carefully out of his pocket and handed it to Chris. “You must’a left this behind last night.” Chris held the book in both hands and rubbed his thumbs over the worn cover. He looked up at Vin, an unreadable expression in his clear, green eyes. “Thanks.”

“I’m gonna help the Taylors again for a while. After, I’m headed to Nettie’s. Could use your help. We could take some food over to the river for supper.”

Chris had been gazing out at the street, although Vin was sure he wasn’t seeing it with any more than half his mind. “All right.”

Vin tipped his hat at Chris and stepped off the walk into the street. It wouldn’t do to show how pleased he was at Chris’s acceptance and at the weight of Chris’s gaze, which he knew was on his back.

+ + + + + + +

After leaving the Taylor’s, Vin rode to the jail, where Chris was giving instructions to JD. They rode off in near silence, as usual. Vin’s mind wandered to what had bothered him last night about Ezra and the Taylors. The fact that he hadn’t figured it out by now made him think that it was a more complex puzzle.

Sarah was friendly, but tended toward the quiet. She was practical and dressed without frills; that morning she’d worn a simple dress and the way she’d had her hair pulled back reminded him of Casey. She didn’t fuss about getting dirty, and Vin couldn’t imagine her dressed in frills or fancy dresses like Maude or even like Mary. He had been relieved that she wasn’t mindless, like so many of the girls Buck favored. She was small but strong, and didn’t shirk from any task.

Jesse was a quiet man, maybe even quieter than Chris. Ezra had called him shy, a funny thing to call a man, but it sort of made sense with Jesse. He liked to work alone; Ezra explained that he was an artist and had to prepare for cooking in just the right way, doing things that only he could do. But he helped with some of the heavy work, and the rest of them made repairs and helped Sarah clean. The crews Ezra organized helped enormously; Vin didn’t think Sarah and Jesse could have carried some of the heavier crates and barrels they’d pulled off the wagon. Vin wondered who had helped them in the past and if they’d had trouble finding people to help them pack up the wagon when they left the previous town.

Chris’s soft voice interrupted Vin’s thoughts. “Want to tell me what happened at the saloon this morning?”

“Ezra was rounding up people to help the Taylors. He sweetened the pot, saying there’d be a free dinner in it. Nathan went at him with his 'Ezra’s been cheating folks again' business, and Ezra let loose. Said he had to leave places he didn’t want to, not just ‘cause he got caught in a scam, and he felt for the Taylors. Said Nathan judged him without knowing him, and stormed out. Then Nathan felt guilty about judging Ezra, and left.”

“After all this time, you’d think they’d see each other a little clearer. Course that don’t mean things would get better.”

“You’d think. Buck told Nathan that Ezra shows only what he wants people to see, so Ezra can’t blame us for judging him on that. I reckon he’s got a point.”

“Yep. Ezra’s damn good at hiding himself.”

“You know anyone out here who ain’t got something to hide?”

“JD?” Chris looked over to Vin, one eyebrow raised.

“I walked in on him and Casey kissing in the livery the other day. Casey’s a lot like Nettie -- independent. I ain’t never met so many independent women as I have here. All the gals I ever met before just wanted to hook a man and settle down. It’s strange -- seeing women who don’t care to be tamed.”

“I like women who have some wildness in them. Only seems fair.” Chris showed his cocky grin.

“They may be wild for a while, but soon enough they want you to settle down. Hell, Chris, even you got tamed.”

“Took a long time before that happened. JD and Casey, they’re still young enough to think that adventure rises with the sun.”

“I reckon. But when you’re young, you don’t always make the right choices. Might not be many years before they’re regretting not getting together.”

Chris twisted in his saddle to look at Vin. “Sounds like you’re having thoughts about settling down.”

“If I met the right person, I might. You never know.”

Chris looked at him like he was talking Chinese.

Vin slid him a small grin. “You think I’d prefer to be alone?”

Chris shook his head. “I know how it is to be alone and how it is to be with someone. I just don’t know if I can see you staying in one place.”

“Ain’t the same thing, though, is it?”

Chris looked pensive and faced front, ending the conversation.

They spent a couple hours working at Nettie’s, then rode down to the river. They let the horses graze, pulled off their coats, and dug into the bread, bacon, and dried fruit that Vin had packed.

When they had finished, Chris stretched and leaned back against the tree.

“Think I’ll catch up on some shut-eye.” He looked at Vin, who nodded.

“Figured I’d take advantage of the local bathhouse.” Vin tilted his head toward the river.

“They heat the water in town, you know.” Chris barely showed his smile.

Vin shrugged. “I’ve been in colder.”

“Suit yourself.” He pulled his hat down so the brim was shading his eyes.

Vin stood and looked at Chris for a moment. This place relaxed Vin, and he saw it working for Chris, too. Chris looked comfortable and content, and Vin, having napped many times on days like this, knew the brush of the light breeze as it feathered along Chris’s face, and how the dappled sunlight filtered through the leaves to warm him. He pulled an oilskin-wrapped bar of soap from his saddle bag, unstrapped his canteen, and peeled off his clothes when he got to the edge of the river.

He walked into the water, goosebumps covering his skin. He took a deep breath and ducked under the water. Hell, it was cold. It was all he could do to hold in the shout that was trying to escape him. He soaped his body and hair as fast as he could, then dipped back under to rinse. He loved bathing in the river. The rush of the water against his skin felt like time bubbling its way through life, just as cold, but just as invigorating. Didn’t matter how cold he got, if he could warm up afterward, he always took a dip in a river when he was safe.

He spread out his blanket a few feet from the river, and lay down to dry off. This was the other part he loved, feeling the sun soak into his body, filling him with an energy he couldn’t get any other way. The sun chased the cold and water away. Water drops tickled past the hairs on his ribs as they trailed down his side.

When he was alone, he’d lie on his blanket after his bath, feel the rush of the river and the heat of the sun mix inside him, until he had to touch himself. He sighed, his cock hard and long against his stomach, almost wishing he was alone. He rolled onto his stomach, raising his leg to relieve the pressure, and watched Chris sleep. Vin rarely allowed himself to bathe outside with anyone nearby. It was strange how he did it with Chris here, never giving it thought. He tried to imagine doing this with any of the other Seven in Chris’s place, but he couldn’t. Chris was the only one he trusted this much. He dozed while the sun dried his back, Chris always in his line of sight.

Vin woke to the sight of Chris slumped against the tree, deeply asleep. He dressed, put the soap and food wrappings away in his saddlebag, then settled next to Chris against the tree trunk. A rare contentment settled over him, as though time had stopped and cocooned around him and Chris, letting them be together on this perfect day for as long as they wanted. Did settling down feel like this? He’d seen happiness in the faces of married folk, but he’d seen boredom and pain as many times.

What would a shared life be like? Vin had no experience to base an answer on, only guesses and the knowledge that he couldn’t stand to be with most people for a week, never mind a lifetime. He wondered if he really could share himself with someone, if he could ever leave the safety of his solitude behind. He didn’t think he could trust anyone enough to even try.

Chris yawned and sat up, pushed his hat back. Vin offered him a canteen of cold river water. Chris drank in big gulps, like he was swallowing time but didn’t care. He handed the canteen back to Vin, who drank carefully. When he looked back at Chris, he was staring at Vin solemnly, with an expression Vin couldn’t pinpoint no matter how he tried. A crow flew by low and cawed at them.

Chris stood and asked, “One of Josiah’s crows?”

As he took Chris’s hand and was pulled to his feet, Vin responded, “Hell, I hope not,” but he again felt the rush of cold river water chill his skin.

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