This document was circulated to all administrative staff in the Denver Federal building, several of the mainly female staff have added their own comments.

MEMO

From: The director of personnel resources, Federal Building, Denver.

To: All secretarial staff and administrative assistants.

NB - THIS IS MANDATORY READING.

Subject: ATF Team Seven - Instructions for any staff working with Team 7
  1. Don't let them scare you. No matter what he says Larabee doesn't have the authority to fire you and he won't shoot you.
  2. Make sure if you have to go into Team Seven's office you know exactly what you want or what you need from them, don't dither or get side-tracked.
  3. Don't expect Team Seven to work normal office hours, they don't!
  4. If you need a report or information from them by a deadline, make it clear when the deadline is, but ensure that the date you give them is at least two days before you actually need it.
  5. If they start to tease don't get upset, don't run away, go with it, give as good as you get; they respect strength. Think of Team Seven as circus lions, the office is their cage and you are the lion tamer. If you go in showing fear they'll rip you to shreds. Go in as if you own the place and they're putty in your hands!
  6. You are not their slave, you do not make coffee, fetch food, collect cleaning, or do their shopping. No matter how flattering Wilmington gets!
  7. Team Seven take a lot of medical leave, learn to work around it.
  8. Team Seven use a lot of office supplies, (about twice as much as any of the other teams), especially paper, elastic bands, pens and paper clips. You can safely give then any damaged blocks of paper; most of it won't go in a printer anyway! Likewise legal pads. Don't issue them anything but the cheapest pens, they will be in the trash long before they run out of ink.
  9. Beware practical jokes, they won't be aimed at you unless you upset them, but you might get caught in the crossfire. Be especially careful around April the First and Halloween.
  10. If a member of Team Seven tells you to do something like 'evacuate the building', or 'duck' do it without hesitation!
Team Seven

Chris Larabee - Team Leader

He is the tall one dressed in black with blonde hair. He looks scary and he is, but just remember he won't shoot you! People will tell you not to be afraid of his glare and his temper. Trouble is they all are, only three people are known to be immune to the 'glare'. Judge Travis, Buck Wilmington and Vin Tanner. Everyone else is scared - no matter what they say. NB never ever ask Larabee about his family. Most people will tell you to avoid Larabee if you can and approach another member of team if you need something - good advice.

JD Dunne - Information technology expert

He looks like he's about 16, has dark hair and is quite short. There is nothing, and we do mean nothing, he doesn't know about computers or can't get one to do. If JD can't get your computer to do something, no one can. He is a lot tougher than he looks, never forget he is a trained and armed federal agent. That said there is still a lot of the little boy in JD, but don't be tempted to mother him - that's Wilmington's job - he resents it.

Nathan Jackson - Forensic specialist and EMT

Tall, African American. Actually there isn't much to say about Nathan, he's polite, reasonable, efficient, considerate and professional. If the others were like him life would be so much simpler. If he does get upset it's because one of the team is not following doctors' orders - something that happens with alarming regularity.

Josiah Sanchez - Profiler

Oldest of the seven, tall and powerfully built. Sanchez is a bit enigmatic sometimes. He is heavily into all things spiritual, he believes in omens and visions and things like that as well as traditional Judaeo Christian beliefs. Don't get drawn into a philosophical debate with him. Trust me you don't have time! For all his spiritualism and gentle giant persona he has a violent temper - you have been warned. If you hear his voice raised in anger, leave.

Ezra Standish - Undercover Agent

Very well dressed, green eyes, gold tooth, shortish. Due to the nature of his work he is often not in the office. When he is there he is very neat and very lazy - he is almost always late for work. Standish uses pedantic over flowery language. He's not pulling your leg, it's just the way he talks and writes. Keep the dictionary handy when reading through his reports but don't change anything - he always notices and you'll just have to change it back. Standish is notorious for his hatred of the medical profession. For this reason Mr. Larabee requests that if you think he is ill or hurt that you quietly point it out to him or Jackson - personally I'd tell Jackson, it's much less stressful than telling Larabee.

Vin Tanner - Sharpshooter

He has shoulder length hair, piercing blue eyes and is on the slight side. Tanner is probably dyslexic, no one says anything but if you get one of his reports and it has only been checked by him on the spell check be prepared to do some discreet tidying up. Don't mention it to him, if there is a word you're unsure about ask Larabee or Standish, never ask Tanner if you can avoid it. He has a thick Texas drawl and is a man of few words. Don't be fooled by the little-boy-lost act. He is the worst practical joker in the building, and his desk is full of candy - take some at your peril!

Buck Wilmington - Criminal investigator and explosives expert

Very tall, dark blue eyes, black hair. Beware! He looks and sounds like butter wouldn't melt. Not only would it melt it would spontaneously boil! He is very charming, he is very persuasive and he knows how to treat a women right -but- he is a Casanova, and he makes no bones about it; that said he is wonderful company. Unlike JD, Buck quite likes being 'mothered," just don't do it on company time! Wilmington's written work is not that much better than Tanner's and the same degree of tact is needed, but go to Sanchez or Dunne for help. Buck and JD share an apartment and he is very protective of JD. Wilmington and Larabee go back a long way. Never, ever, get between them. For all his so-laid-back-he's-positively-horizontal image, he has a temper if the right buttons are pushed.
Note

You may be wondering why one team is afforded so much leeway? Remember Team Seven have the best arrest to conviction ratio of any federal tactical team in the whole country (over 90%), they make more arrests per team member, each arrest costs the government half the national average (despite the medical bills and medical leave) and they have never lost a man - though they have come close a few times! They are not known around here as the Magnificent Seven for nothing, you know?

Comments to: katyhmason@hotmail.com