Mr. Larabee for President

"This is Sam Donaldson, with ABC news. This has been a most interesting day at the polls. It seems that neither Mr. Bush nor Mr. Gore will be elected. And if all the states that have reported so far are correct, NO ONE on the ballot will win. For the first time in American history a write-in campaign began early this morning and has continued. But, to be honest, I have no idea who this person is. After some research it appears the gentleman who has won the hearts of America is a Denver ATF agent, named Christopher Larabee. He is the head of one of this nations most effective teams. His team, affectionately called, ‘Team 7’ or "The Magnificent Seven’ has never lost a case. Their busts always go down by the book. He apparently is a very effective leader and is able to get the job done, no matter what that job may be. But, I do not understand how he could have been elected. It astounds me that the American people would elect someone they know very little about. So we have sent our people out to the poles to ask the public why they have decided to elect this politically inexperienced man into the most power position this country has. Mark, can you hear me?"

A young dark haired man dressed in dark gray suit stands outside with a microphone. "Yes Sam, I can hear you. Like you said, the voters have elected an unknown candidate into the office of the Presidency. I have talked with several on their way out of the poles and they all seem to have the same reasons. Here comes a young lady now. I’ll let her explain it." He approaches a young small red haired woman, with freckles. "Miss? I am with the NBC news affiliate here in Cookeville. My name is Mark Olsen. May I ask you a question?"

The woman smiles at the camera, "Ah, I guess so."

"Thank you. First, would you mind telling me your first name?"

"Sure, no problem. My name is Sonia."

"Would you mind telling us who you voted for?"

Smiling, "Why of course. I vote for Chris Larabee."

"Will you please tell us why? I mean he is a write-in. What makes you or anyone else think he could possible win?"

"Because we have all come to truly admire the man. I mean, he is smart, honest, loyal, hardworking, and he’s not bad to look at either! And we have been discussing this for months. Getting out there and talking to anyone that would listen. And it looks like enough people listened."

"Well, who started this campaign?"

"Oh, that’s easy, a lady in Chattanooga, TN named Karen Shannon is the person responsible. I mean she thinks Chris is ‘THE MAN!’ And so do the rest of us."

The reporter turns back to the camera, "Sam, that seems to be the consensus here in Cookeville, TN."

The cameras go to a split screen with Sam on the left and Mark on the right. "Mark, did I hear her correctly? They elected him because his handsome? And who is this Karen Shannon?"

"That seems to be the reason, Sam. Every woman I have spoken with has given various reasons, but everyone of them includes the fact that he is handsome. I have no idea who the woman is, but rest assured we will find out."

"This is unbelievable. I mean, sense when does a person’s looks get them elected into the White House?"

This is crazy. Mark, thank you." The screen goes back to just Sam, "Let’s go to New Mexico, were our NBC affiliate, WXGF reporter, Will Baxter, is at one of the poles. Remember, Al Gore was positive he had New Mexico all sewed up. But, again it appears that this Chris Larabee, who ever he is, has stolen that state as well. Will what do the people of New Mexico have to say?"

"Evening, Sam. Yes, the people or should I say the women, of New Mexico have spoken. Every woman that I have polled has stated that she voted for this Chris Larabee. Here, let me show you." He approaches a young woman with long brown hair, carrying a back pack, "Miss, I’m with NBC and I would like ask you a few questions?"

Chewing gum and smiling, "Sure go for it."

"Can you tell me your first name?"

"Sure, it’s Laura."

"Yes, can you tell me who you voted for?"

"Oh, that’s easy, I voted for Chris Larabee."

"Why? What qualifications does he have to become our president?"

"Well, he has a fantastic record as a DEA agent. He obviously knows how to organize and lead. And let’s not forget that he’s got a GREAT looking backside!"

Will almost drops the microphone, "He’s got what?"

"A great looking backside. You heard me right. I mean Karen and I have discussed this in great detail and we have come to conclusion that that man has the GREATEST backside we even had the pleasure to watch."

"He’s a DEA agent! How often to does the public get to see the same DEA agent? And besides, he’s in Denver. He would never have worked here in New Mexico and from what I understand this Karen is in Tennessee, how would she know what he looks like?"

"Oh, we have OUR ways, sir."

"What do you mean?"

"I shall never reveal our source. But trust me, we ladies have all joined forces and have elected the best man for the job."

Turning back to the camera, "I don’t understand any of this, Sam. It makes no sense."

Split screen, "I know what you mean, Will. It makes no sense to me either. Who would elect a man the White House, because he has a cute ‘backside’ as the young woman suggested?"

"I agree, Sam. It’s so unbelievable. Who is this Chris Larabee and who is the Karen Shannon person?"

"Well, thank you Will." The camera goes back to just Sam, "There you have it ladies and gentlemen. Two women from different states both giving the same reason as to why they choose to elect a virtual unknown into the most powerful position in the world. I just received word that our affiliate in Chattanooga, TN has located this woman, Karen Shannon.

Let’s go talk with her. Terry Wilkins is with our affiliate, WDEF. Terry is Karen Shannon with you?"

The camera goes to a black gentleman in a dark suit, "Yes, Sam. I have with me Karen Shannon, the woman behind the write-in vote campaign to elect the man Chris Larabee as our next President." Turning to Karen, "Ms. Shannon, can you please explain to us WHY you would want to elect a man to the White House, that you know nothing about?'

Karen smiles, "Who says I don't know anything about the man. About a year ago I was watching the news and saw him during a bust of a gunrunner. The runner was a very dangerous man, but Mr. Larabee and his men did not back down or even flinch. Mr. Larabee is a very strong individual, both physically and emotionally, nothing like what we have in the White House right now or what was running. I did some investigating on my own and discovered that he leads the most successful ATF team in the entire United States. His second in command is a man named Vin Tanner, who we also elected to be Vice President.

Mr. Tanner is a very quite individual, but back him a corner and you better be prepared for fight. I believe these two men can run this country very successfully. They don't care what "party" you belong to, as long as you get the job done. And the Congress and the Senate better not try and play their "shell" games because both of these men are smarter than the entire lot up on Capital Hill."

"Since you got him elected, do you have any clue as to who will be in his cabinet?"

"Of course. Buck Wilmington will be his Press Secretary. As long as his on the behind the microphones we won't have any problems. All the women reporters will be swooning and the men reporters will be too busy catching them. Mr. Standish, the team's undercover agent, will be Secretary of State, who else would be greater than Ezra to handle all the crap from the foreign diplomats. Of course, Nathan Jackson will be the next Surgeon General, seeing that he has had extensive on hand experience in the field of medicine. Josiah Sanchez will defiantly be the Secretary of Defense, he is so wise and can talk his way out of a fight. But, if the challenger won't back down, Josiah knows how to get "old testament" if you know what I mean. And that only leaves the office of Attorney General, and the perfect person for that job is J.D. Dunne. He knows the law backwards and forwards and is very fare. I know some will say he is a little young for the job, but he is a quick learner and has learned how to handle pressure from Mr. Larabee."

"And you, honestly, think these men can do the job?"

Shrugs her shoulders, "I look at it this way. They can't do any worse but at least we'd have something nice to look at while they run the country into the ground."

Coughing, the reporter catches his breath, "You mean, you elected these men because they are handsome."

Shakes her head, "No of course not. We elected them because they have GREAT backsides!" Karen laughs.

The reporter turns back to camera, "Sam, you figure it out."

The cameras turn back to Sam, "Thank you Terry. Well, ladies and gentlemen. There you have it. The first president of the United States elected because he has a…and I quote 'great backside.' I don't understand. But, let's go to Denver, to the ATF building where our reporter Christine Jeffords is about to talk with Mr. Larabee himself. Christine?"

A young blonde-headed woman with a microphone appears on camera. She is walking down a hallway, "Yes, Sam I hear you. I am about to enter the office of Team 7. The team that Mr. Larabee heads." She pushes open a door, which leads to a large office. As the camera scans the room we find six desks that make circle. Each desk is occupied, but as Christine comes through the door a tall man with mustache jumps up from his desk and walks over to her.

On his way he trips over a trash can. Turning to a younger man with dark brown hair that is hanging in his eyes, "Dang it, JD. We've got company. Get that can outta site." He approaches Christine , "Why hello darlin'. My name is Buck Wilmington. Who might you be and what brings you here?"

The blood rushes to Christine 's face Buck takes her hand and kisses her knuckles, hmmmm…" She takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I am being so unprofessional. I am looking for Mr. Larabee."

A tall blonde headed man steps out of a side office, "I'm Larabee. Buck go sit down."

Christine regains her composure as Buck retreats, "Mr. Larabee, America wants to know what you think of the election?"

Mr. Larabee scowls. His face is distorted and he questions, "Why would America care what I think?"

Christine 's eyes open wide as her mouth moves but nothing comes out. Finally she coughs and begins to speak again, "Haven't you been listening to results?"

"Naw, I find out later who won. Right now my team and are kinda busy. So if you don't mind…" he places his hand on the small of her back and attempts to usher her out the door!

"But Mr. Larabee, it is only 9:00 CST and the next president has already been declared."

He takes a deep breath, "Alright Miss. I know you are only doing your job. Who is the next President?"

She looks him straight in the eye, "You are, sir."

There is total silence in the room. It is now Mr. Larabee's turn to be speechless. "Did you hear me, Mr. Larabee?"

"Yes, I heard you. I'm not deaf. But, how on earth was I elected President? I wasn't even on the ballot."

"It's called a write-in campaign, sir."

"I don't know that many people."

"No sir you don't. But they know you."

"How?"

"Well, it's kind of a long story. Let's just say that the women of America have decided they want you as President and Mr. Tanner as Vice President" From behind them, they hear a loud THUD! As they turn around they find a young man with long brown hair lying on the floor. His chair has flipped over and he is scrambling to pick himself up. As he does, Christine cannot help but notice how nicely his old worn jeans fit snugly to his perfect frame. And his black T-shirt shows every bulging muscle.

Mr. Larabee shakes his head, "Ma'am, meet the man you ladies just voted to be your next Vice President." Not knowing what else to do, Vin grinned as he frozen where he stood. His eyes darted around the room, looking for help from his teammates but he found none coming as they all grinned back. "Tanner, get your butt over here."

Moving quickly, Vin steps up beside Mr. Larabee. Christine scanned the room and has to smile. Such a handsome lot she thinks to herself. Turning back to Mr. Larabee, "Hmmmm, we also shorted nominated the rest of your team as your cabinet."

With a resounding cry in unison, seven men yelled, "WHAT!"

Christine stepped back, "Yes, well, you see, Mr. Wilmington is your Press Secretary; Mr. Standish is you Secretary of State; Mr. Jackson is you Surgeon General, Mr. Sanchez is you Secretary of Defense; and last but not least is JD. He is our new Attorney General." The silence in the room is too much for Christine , "Do any of you have anything to say?"

Looking around the room at the stunned faces, Christine shakes her head, "Mr. Larabee, if you will step into your office I will show a piece of tape which aired just a short time ago. It is an interview of the woman who spearheaded this campaign. I think it will answer a lot of your questions."

"Oh then by all means." He leads the way into his office and shuts the door behind Christine. As few minutes later a very loud, "WHAT! YOU LADIES ELECT BECAUSE OF THAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" The door to his office swings open and he stares at his team. All eyes on Mr. Larabee, both in the office and the country as the cameras are still rolling. He thinks for minute then smiles, "Well, gentlemen, pack your gear. We're headed for Washington!"

End

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