Author’s Note: This is the continuation of the story started in Under Cover of Darkness, By the Light of Day, Heat Lightning, Someone to Watch Over Me, Pride and Prejudice, and I'll be Home for Christmas. This one is a bit like the energizer bunny. It just keeps going and going and going, so hope you are settled in for a long read. <wink> There are references back to the earlier stories, therefore it would probably be beneficial to read them first, but each can stand on its own. I know there are a lot of people who don't like Mary, but I have been told by some of them that earlier stories make them not want to kill her.<BG> At the end of the second story I had seemed to have set it up to be the end; however, I had so many ask me to keep the series going that I just couldn't refuse. So, the series continues to grow with this one making the seventh. I want to thank my wonderful beta, Alex, who smoothed out the rough edges for me. You're the best, lady! Also, thank you to LaraMee for the title collage. I love it!
Disclaimer: I do not own them. They are the property of MGM, Mirisch, and Trilogy Entertainment; however, if they ever come up for sale, I will be in the front row at the auction.
Feedback: Feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated, but no flames please.
Size: Approx 475K
Chapter One
Ezra stared in disbelief as his mother walked toward him. "What are you doing here?" he asked, his tone suspicious.
"Is that any way to greet your mother after she came all this way to see you?" Her eyes snapped with disapproval when she spoke. "Then I get here and find you gone, and these men…," she paused to glare at the remaining peacekeepers, "would not tell me where you were."
"Now, Maude, you're making it sound like some big conspiracy," Josiah chided, as he picked up the last of the bags he was taking over to Mary's. "We all told you he would be back after the first of the year."
"It was a conspiracy," she insisted. "You were all doing your utmost to keep me away from my darling boy."
Ezra sighed and glanced apologetically at his friends. "Mother, my associates were simply ensuring that my holiday plans were not disrupted."
"Disrupted!" She jumped on the word and shot him a withering look. "Is that how you see a visit from your own mother? A disruption?"
"Mother, you know that isn't what I meant," Ezra said calmly in an effort to cajole her. "Had you informed me of your intention to visit, I could have let you know that I planned to be away, and we could have arranged your arrival to coincide with my return."
"Are you saying I must make an appointment to visit my son?" Maude huffed determined not to allow herself to be placated this time.
"Of course not, Mother," Ezra said as he leaned in close to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I am merely reminding you that there may be times when I might be otherwise occupied, and to avoid being left waiting alone, you might want to be sure I am in residence before making the trip."
"Well, I was hardly alone," Maude admitted with the trace of a smile. "Your friends made sure I didn't get bored."
"Oh, Mother, please tell me you didn't tell more anecdotes about my youth." Ezra shuddered at the thought, well aware that without him there to at least attempt to keep her embellishments to a minimum, her stories would have gotten totally out of hand if she found that she had an interested audience.
Maude cocked her head and smiled. "Perhaps a few, but if you had seen fit to be here…" she started.
"Mother," Ezra interrupted. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to surprise you and spend Christmas with you," she answered, sounding truly sincere. Her voice wavered slightly and she glanced down, breaking eye contact.
Maude was an accomplished con-woman, and she could look a man straight in the eyes and tell him any manner of lies that would suit her purpose. Her one tell was that when she was really telling the truth, especially about something personal, she could not maintain eye contact. Not many people ever got close enough to her to learn that one weakness, but Ezra knew it. He suspected there was more to this visit than she was ready to let him know. "Why this year?" He watched her shift slightly and realized she was a little uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking in front of his friends, but he was not willing to let her off the hook easily. "Holidays were never all that important to you before."
The gambler's annoyance shifted toward concern when his mother glanced up at him and then quickly looked away again. This was very unlike her. She was always so self-assured, and what he saw now was hesitation and uncertainty. "Mother, are you all right?"
"Yes!" She answered quickly, almost too quickly. She regrouped and tried again. "I missed you. Is it wrong for a mother to miss her son?"
"No, it isn't wrong." Ezra gave his mother a heartfelt hug, squeezing her tightly to him for a long moment. "How long will you be able to grace our fair municipality with your presence?"
"I don't have anything planned for the immediate future." She evaded a direct reply to his question.
"Then perhaps you would like to join me while I unpack," he suggested. "We can do a little catching up."
"Yes, and I would like to start with, why were you traveling with Mary Travis and her son?" Maude's voice trailed back to the other men as she followed Ezra across the street.
Ezra rolled his eyes and glanced back helplessly to see Chris and Buck grinning at him. He squared his shoulders and quickly turned his attention back to Maude, who hadn't missed a beat in her rapid-fire questions and comments.
"You think we shoulda ran a little interference there, since he just got back?" Buck asked.
"Nah. We kept her from tracking him down while he was gone; she's all his now." Chris half-grinned at the thought. "So, how do you think she'll take to the news that her darling boyis courting the town's most upstanding woman?"
"She'll probably try to find out what his angle is?" Buck suggested. "But, I sure wouldn't want to be in her shoes if she comes right out and asks him."
"Neither would I, Buck." Chris shook his head and shuddered at the thought. "Neither would I."
+ + + + + + +
Maude sat in the rocking chair in Ezra's room and watched her son hanging up his jackets that he had just unpacked. "You might think you slipped one past me, but you didn't."
"I have no idea what you are referring to, Mother." The gambler carefully smoothed out a wrinkle on his favorite red jacket before putting it in the closet.
"You think I forgot that you didn't answer my question."
"Which question might that be?" Ezra knew exactly which question she meant, but he had held out hope that she really had been led away from that topic.
"You know very well which question. I taught you that trick of evading a response until the other person forgets the question was never answered." Her voice held a hint of censure for his attempt to use her own tactics against her.
Ezra sighed and his cheeks colored slightly. There was no avoiding giving her an answer, and he really didn't know why he had tried to keep the truth from her. He certainly wasn't ashamed of his relationship with Mary. On second thought, he knew exactly why he had tried to keep it from her. He knew she would find a way to interfere, and he didn't want to risk losing Mary to his mother's meddling.
"Mother, my personal business is just that…personal," he began. When he saw Maude start to speak, he held up a hand for her to stop. "Please, let me finish. I haven't said anything to you about what is going on in my personal life because I didn't want you doing anything to ruin things for me. I know you, and you can't stand the thought that someone might make me realize that there is a better life than drifting around, running one con after another, and praying that I can stay one step ahead of those I have swindled or the law. I'm tired of it, Mother. I want a life…a real life; one where I can settle down and have a home and a family."
"You can't be serious! You really think you can give up our way of life? Gambling is in your blood, just as much as it is in mine. Do you honestly think people will ever really accept you as anything other than a gambler and a conman?" Maude stared at her son, momentarily shocked by his admission.
"They already have, but you just won't let yourself see it. They know I still gamble and I always will, but they know I have changed. Everyone else could see it in me even before I could see it myself."
"And does they include Mary Travis?" Maude asked.
"Yes."
"Do you honestly think she is going to look the other way when you head for the gaming tables?" The sarcasm in her voice was thinly veiled as she probed deeper. "Is she going to allow her reputation to be sullied by a personal association with you? She has a young son to consider, after all."
"No, I don't think she will look the other way." He watched smugly as his mother's expression began to change to one of triumph. "I know she will. And as for her reputation, she doesn't see it as sullied by any association with me, nor is she concerned about my association with Billy."
It was his turn to smile when he saw Maude's triumphant expression turn into one of disbelief. "This is precisely why I hadn't told you anything about my relationship with Mary. I knew this is how you would react to it, and for once in my life, I don't intend to let you ruin my chance to be happy."
"You really mean that, don't you?" The con-woman studied her son's face for any hint of duplicity. "Things have gone that far that you would turn your back on your mother for her?"
"Mother, I don't want to have to choose between a life with Mary and being close to you, but if I have to, I'll choose Mary. You can either accept that and be happy for me, or we'll have to part ways for good." It broke Ezra's heart to think of never seeing Maude again. She was not a good mother by any standards, but she was his mother and he still loved her. "How will it be? It's your choice. Will you accept me on my terms now, or have me out of your life completely? Think about it; I don't expect a decision right this minute because I'm going to go check on Mary and let her know that you're in town. If you decide to accept me as I am now and intend to behave accordingly, then I would like it if you would join us for supper at the restaurant around six o'clock. If you aren't there, then I'll also take that as your answer."
"Ezra, please. I need to talk to you." Her words did not stop him from leaving, and Maude stared after him as he stepped out the door and closed it behind him. She drew in a deep shuddering breath and hung her head in disappointment, mentally kicking herself for letting her mouth run away with her again.
'How can I always know just what to say to everyone else, but not to my own son?' Suddenly aware that she was standing in the middle of Ezra's room staring at a closed door, she tossed on her coat, squared her shoulders, and raised her chin before leaving the room. Maude was aware of six pair of eyes watching her as she descended the stairs and crossed the room, but instead of stopping at the peacekeepers' table she went straight through and out onto the boardwalk. Once outside she paused a moment and glanced toward the Clarion office just in time to see her son step inside.
Maude's mind was busy struggling with the unexpected knowledge of Ezra's relationship with Mary and with his reaction to herself. Lost in thought, she did not hear Josiah step up behind her, and she jumped when he lightly rested a hand on her arm.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said softly. "Are you all right?"
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" the con-woman said tensely. "After all, I have only been kept in the dark about my son's whereabouts, and about his interest in a woman who is obviously out of his social circle," she glared at the big man. "Some forewarning might have kept me from making the mess of things that I just did."
Josiah was taken aback by Maude's admission. She was not one to air personal problems in public, at lease not the more intimate ones. "Maude, it wasn't that we didn't want you to know about Ezra and Mary. It was just that when we realized that you didn't already know, we thought that it wasn't our place to tell you… it was his. We figured he must have had a reason that he hadn't told you yet." He watched as the usually-stoic woman's eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. "Why don't you come on over to the church with me where we can talk more privately?" The preacher held out an arm to escort her away from prying eyes, wanting to save her the embarrassment of being seen crying in public.
They walked in silence, moving quickly down the boardwalk and then across the street to the church. Josiah opened the door for her and let her enter first. He led her back into his room where it was warmer, and once inside out of the cold, he helped her take off her coat, and hooked it on a peg in the wall beside his. While she warmed her hands by the potbellied stove, he poured them both a cup of coffee from the pot he had made earlier and left to stay warm on an iron rack sitting on top of the stove. After handing her one of the cups, he motioned for her to take the only chair in the room, and he sat on the edge of his narrow bed.
"Need to talk about it?" he finally asked after they had both taken a couple sips from the hot brew. When she didn't speak he continued, "I can understand your being upset with us for not telling you everything, but try to understand our side. We've worked hard to earn Ezra's trust. I think in some ways it was even harder for him to learn that he could trust us than it was for us to trust him. He's so used to never having anyone to count on but himself that it was hard for him to become part of a team. None of us was going to jeopardize that fragile bond."
Maude swallowed hard and took a slow, deep breath. "He has me," she said, looking down at the cup cradled in her hands where they rested on her lap.
"Does he?"
"Of course he does," Maude said as her head snapped up. "How could you ask such a thing?"
"Before you go getting all bent out of shape, I want you to know that I am not trying to criticize you," Josiah explained. "But, from what I have seen in the past you seem to be more motherly when you need Ezra for something. The rest of the time you keep yourself pretty scarce."
"My son feels that way too, doesn't he?" She wrapped her fingers more tightly around her cup to still their shaking as she took a sip of the bitter liquid. "Josiah, you know that I am a businesswoman," Maude explained. "It just isn't possible for me to stay in one place too long." Her eyes locked with the preacher's, willing him to look away first so she could believe that he had not really meant what he had just said, but his gaze never wavered.
"Your son loves you. Nothing is likely to ever change that, but I have noticed a sadness in his eyes sometimes when you visit, when he doesn't think anyone will notice." The preacher leaned forward, making certain that he had Maude's full attention. "For all his strength and independence, there are times when he still needs to feel that his mother loves him, too."
Josiah's soft-spoken way was almost hypnotic, and Maude felt herself falling under his spell. "No, he doesn't love me, he tolerates me. I worked so hard to make sure he would never be dependent on anyone, and I did too good of a job." Her voice quivered slightly, giving away how close she was to losing the battle with her tears. "I didn't realize that in the process of making him into a copy of myself that I would be driving him away from me." Her head drooped and she looked intently at the toes of Josiah's boots. "I've lost him, haven't I?"
"I can't answer that question; only Ezra can." He lightly cupped his large hands around hers where they still gripped the warm cup. "Maude, why don't you tell me what happened? Maybe things aren't really as bad as they seem at the moment."
"How serious is this thing between Ezra and Mary Travis?" the con-woman asked. "Is Ezra reading more into it than he should be?"
"It isn't really my place to decide how serious it is. I'm not one of the two involved, but from being on the fringe of things, I am more aware of their feelings than someone who isn't a part of our group would be. I would say it is very serious, and it is very unlikely that Ezra is overreacting in any way," Josiah paused, brow creased in concentration, as he considered just how much he should tell Maude. "My best advice would be for you to keep an open mind and just watch the two of them together. Anyone with two eyes can plainly see that they love each other."
"People fall in and out of love all the time." She waved a hand in dismissal of the idea. "But that doesn't mean that they'll give up their reputation and position for someone like Ezra."
"Someone like Ezra!" Josiah reddened and his blue eyes grew dark and menacing. Maude cringed and tried to pull away from him, but he only grasped her hands more securely and refused to let her go. "Is that what you said to him? That Mary wouldn't accept someone like him?"
"You don't know how cruel people can be to someone in our line," Maude shot back at him as she tugged her hands free, and sloshed coffee onto her dress in the process. "No one of any position ever really wants to make a lasting relationship with our kind."
"And I suppose you know this because you can see the future?"
"It never works out. I've tried, and it always ends in disaster," the blonde insisted. "He's a novelty to her, and when people start gossiping and making remarks to her about her association with him, she'll drop him."
"That goes to show how little you know about your son and the man he has become. Maude, they have already faced the worst that could be thrown at them on more than one occasion, and they have still stuck by each other. If they haven't been pulled apart by now, I can't imagine anything that would come between them." Josiah studied the blonde's face as he spoke, looking for any sign that he was reaching her.
"I've thought that myself in the past, but it always ends up the same." The sadness in her eyes said even more than her words. "You really think that I wouldn't have liked to have been able to live a different kind of life? I've tried to give up this life and my past always comes back to haunt me, and it will do the same to Ezra."
"There is one big difference," Josiah began.
"And what would that be?"
"He has friends."
+ + + + + + +
"Ezra!" Mary rushed down the steps and tossed her arms around his neck when she heard him call out to her from the bottom of the stairs. "I was starting to worry that there was something really wrong." She drew him down to her for a kiss before going on. "What did Chris want?"
"To tell me that my mother is in town." He hugged her closer and nuzzled against her neck before placing a soft kiss against her throat. "I'm sorry you were worried. Just as he started to tell me, Mother made an appearance and I found myself allaying her curiosity while I unpacked from our sojourn."
Mary drew back to study the gambler's face, but his mask was firmly in place, making it nearly impossible to read him. The fact that the mask was necessary told her that the talk with his mother had not gone well. "Oh, dear. I take it that, that means you told her about us?"
"Yes, but she had already started to suspect something when she saw that we both came in on the same stage."
"How did she react?" She stepped back out of his arms and took his hand to lead him to the kitchen.
"Not as well as I had hoped," Ezra admitted as he accepted the cup of coffee Mary poured for him and then took a seat across from her at the table. "I wouldn't have been surprised if she had thought I had found some angle to work toward some personal gain from our relationship. That would have been more to keeping with her past behavior where my motives were concerned. I didn't expect her to be as critical as she was, but I should have known she would be; she's never been anything but critical of me."
"I'm sorry…"
Ezra shushed her before she could go any farther. "You have no reason to be sorry, my dear. So, I don't ever want to hear you say that, not where she is concerned."
"But, she's your mother…"
"Yes, she is, biologically. But she was my mother by her actions only when I served a useful purpose for her." A slight tremor in his voice gave away the pain that statement caused him. "She can't come waltzing in here now and expect me to accept her as the concerned mother."
"Did she say why she's here?" Mary placed a slender hand over his and gave it a light squeeze. "She must have some reason to suddenly show up with no warning."
"She claims to have come to surprise me for Christmas." Ezra gave a soft snort of derision. "It never mattered to her before. I can't imagine why she would expect me to believe that all of a sudden spending the holiday with me was a priority to her."
"I can see why you would feel that way, but promise me that you'll at least hear what she has to say. Maybe there is some compelling reason that she felt like she had to see you this year." Her eyes took on a look of real concern as she spoke. "Ezra, don't shut the door on her without finding out the truth behind her visit."
"How can you take her side, when she was anything but supportive of your involvement with me? She's so sure that you'll drop me like a hot rock if there is any gossip that might 'sully' your reputation," the gambler blurted out.
"Darling…" Mary made eye contact and graced him with the half-smile one used when one was humoring the other person. "Could it be that you are reacting so vehemently because you have thought the same thing on several occasions during our relationship?"
"I know you wouldn't do that," Ezra retorted.
"You do now, but you didn't believe that in the beginning." She held up a finger to silence him when he started to protest. "Stop and think about it. You know I'm speaking the truth, and if you really think about it then you'll see that her words rang too close to home. That's what has you so upset, isn't it?"
Ezra opened his mouth to argue the point, but closed it again without saying anything. She had a point. Maybe he was angry with Maude because she was echoing his own first reactions to his relationship with Mary. It had taken him considerable time to realize that nothing was going to come between them. But, after Mary refused to back down from the Judge when he rode into town demanding that she break it off with him or lose her son, there had been no doubt left that she loved him deeply.
The gambler sighed and looked up with a resigned expression on his face. "Perhaps you are right." With a wry smile he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her palm. "So, how did you become so smart?"
"It comes with being a mother myself." She smiled warmly and leaned forward to kiss him on the check. "Are you going to give her a chance?"
"I'll do it for you, my dear," he promised.
"No, you need to do it for you. Someday you'll look back on this and wonder how it might have turned out if you don't at least try to make peace with her."
"All right, but I am not sure if I'll get the opportunity. I gave her an ultimatum of sorts before I came here. If she doesn't meet us for dinner, I don't know if I can go crawling to her seeking her approval," Ezra admitted.
"I don't think you'll need to worry about that. I doubt she came all this way only to leave again with things in turmoil," Mary observed. "She'll be there; I feel certain of it."
"I wish I could feel as confident," the gambler added and then paused to take a deep breath. "We will find out at six o'clock."
+ + + + + + +
"Allow me, my dear." Ezra let his fingertips lightly caress Mary's arms as he helped her slip out of her coat. He carefully hung it on one of the coat hooks in the foyer before shrugging out of his own and hanging it next to hers.
"Thank you."
Ezra glanced down when he felt her hand rest on his forearm after she hooked her arm through his. His chest swelled with emotion every time Mary made a public gesture of her relationship with him. It was never anything blatantly overt, but simple gestures that made it very clear, to anyone who happened to see them, that she was with him. The gambler reached across with his free hand to softly cover hers and to give her fingers a light affectionate squeeze, as he paused outside the door to the dining room and tried to settle his nerves.
"Everything is going to be all right." Mary tried to sound reassuring, but in truth, she did not know Maude well enough to be able to predict what she would do in response to Ezra's ultimatum. She only knew how she would react in Maude's place, and it was well known that Maude was anything but the doting mother type. She could only hope that Ezra was not going to be facing another disappointment.
"Of course it will, my dear." Standish took a deep breath and settled his expression into one of blissful contentment, before opening the inner door and stepping into the busy restaurant.
+ + + + + + +
A wave of warm air, awash with the tantalizing aroma of fresh bread, roasted meat, and a hint of apples and cinnamon swept over them. Ezra's mouth watered in anticipation of warm apple pie for dessert, and for a moment his anxiety was forgotten.
They paused and glanced around the room looking for an empty table. "There's one over in the corner." Mary pointed to a table against the front wall on the opposite side of the room.
Ezra started to lead the way, but stopped short after taking only a few steps. He stood looking straight into his mother's eyes where she sat at a table in front of the window.
When neither of them made a move, Mary stepped a little closer to the table and smiled warmly at Maude. "May we join you?"
The con-woman pulled her attention away from her son and focused on the young woman in front of her. "Of course, dear. I would love the company."
Ezra quickly recovered from his shock and pulled out a chair for Mary. "Thank you, Mother."
"Where's Billy?" I thought he would be with you." Maude graced them with a slight smile and raised brows.
"He's spending the night at the Potters’," Ezra explained. "He's been away from his friends for a few weeks and begged to spend the night."
"I think he was anxious to show off his Christmas gifts." Mary shot a glance and a sly smile at the gambler. "He's so excited about one of his gifts from Ezra, he's been showing it to everyone."
"It must be some gift," Maude observed.
"To hear Billy tell about it, it was the bestest Christmas present ever." The young blonde chuckled when she noticed a slight blush creep into the gambler's cheeks. When he remained silent, she continued. "Ezra got Billy a pocketknife."
"A knife!" Maude stared wide-eyed at her son. "Darling, that child is much too young to be handling a knife."
"Mother, he's old enough as long as he learns how to properly use and care for it, and I have suggested a very knowledgeable instructor. Mr. Larabee has agreed to teach Billy the finer points of wielding a blade." When he felt Mary's hand slip over the top of his, where he had it resting on the table between them, he turned his hand over and laced his fingers through hers.
Maude glanced around the room, looking for any reaction from the other diners. Most continued on with their meals and conversations, oblivious to anything else beyond their own tables. Some sat watching the various activities going on in the room with boredom, or curiosity, or in some cases outright nosiness. But, of the few that made eye contact with her, or who sat casually watching their table, only one gave the impression of disapproval. An older woman sat alone at a table against the inner wall of the room. Maude could not place a name to the face, but she remembered seeing her around town when she visited the last time. There was no way anyone would forget that sallow, haggard visage, with its hawk-like nose. As the con-woman studied her, the old woman realized she was being watched and quickly looked away.
Other than that one woman, Maude could see no sign that anyone was the least bit offended or upset by Ezra being there with Mary. In fact, when Ezra had walked in with Mary on his arm, there had been polite nods and smiles of greeting from those who reacted at all. And now, with them sitting there holding hands, love written all over their faces and in their eyes and their smiles, no one even batted an eye. Well, no one other than that one old crone by the wall.
Her mind rolled all this new information around and decided that Josiah was right, at least for now. But time would tell whether their relationship would stand any serious trials. After seeing the two of them so happy together, Maude decided that she would not be one of the obstacles that they had to overcome. Her son deserved a chance at the happiness that she never had, and as much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't getting any younger. It was a hard life they led, and if Ezra had a chance to get out of it and live a normal life she would be happy for him. However, she could not help being sad at the thought of never working side by side with him again. They had been a perfect team.
"Mother, did you hear me?"
"What? Oh, no I didn't. What did you say?" Maude pulled herself out of her reverie and turned her attention back to her son.
"I said that Mr. Larabee was very agreeable to the idea of teaching Billy to wield a knife, and I have the utmost confidence in his ability to impress upon Billy the need for safety." Ezra watched his mother closely while he repeated his comment. "Is there something on your mind that you would like to tell me about? It isn't like you to be so distracted."
"No, dear. I was just thinking about something Josiah said to me earlier. I'm sure that Mr. Larabee will be very careful with Billy. I just can't help but remember your first time handling a pocketknife," she added.
"Oh? You didn't tell me about this," Mary teased Ezra. She turned back to Maude leaning forward with her arm resting on the table in anticipation of a good story.
"He was so determined to have a knife, even though I had refused to allow it, that he slipped a dollar out of my bag and bought one behind my back." She smiled at Ezra's obvious embarrassment at being the topic of discussion. "Then he told me he was going to go practice the memory game I taught him."
"What kind of memory game?" Mary was thoroughly enjoying the prospect of hearing about her beau as a boy, and she leaned even farther to get a little closer to Maude, so she would be sure not to miss a word of it.
"It was played with cards. He would turn all the cards face down and start turning them over two at a time. Each time he got a pair they were pulled out. If they didn't match he had to turn them back over and try to match them on another turn."
"The whole deck at one time?" Mary looked at Ezra in disbelief.
"Yes, and when I mastered pairs I moved up to four of a kind," the gambler stated matter-of-factly.
"How old were you?"
Ezra shrugged and thought about it for a moment. "I was doing half a deck when I was four, a whole deck when I was five and…"
"And by the time he turned seven he could do four of a kind without ever forgetting a card," Maude said beaming with pride, and then sighed heavily. "He'd just turned six when he bought that knife. I didn't think it was out of the ordinary for him to go off alone to practice. He did that quite often because he said he could think better when it was quiet. I kept telling him it wouldn't do him much good if he couldn't concentrate in a noisy room."
"Even at such a tender age, I was aware of that, Mother. I practiced as much amid various distractions as I did alone." He glanced over at Mary and winked. "You see, I spent the quiet times creating my memory tricks to help me remember, and then I practiced them in some rather unorthodox locations."
"Oh, really? Like where?" the pretty young blonde asked, allowing her keen interest to go undisguised.
"On the floor under the table where my dear mother played the real game; on the boardwalk or wherever I could find a rowdy group of kids or adults." He stopped and shrugged again. "Anywhere that would prove to be a distraction to someone less disciplined."
"I never knew where I'd find him," Maude admitted. "He nearly scared me out of ten years of my life when I found him sitting on the ground directly under a hornets' nest. But I knew he could concentrate through anything when I saw him turning over pair after pair, with at least two dozen hornets crawling all over him."
Their waitress chose that moment to stop at the table and take their orders, and after they settled in again with their drinks, Mary just sat and looked at Ezra for a long moment.
Her silent scrutiny had him on the verge of fidgeting in his seat, and he sipped at his coffee to cover the slight unease.
When it became apparent that the gambler was not going to comment on his reckless behavior, Mary spoke up. "Didn't you have any idea how dangerous that was? I've heard of people dying from getting stung."
"I knew," he confessed. "I'd seen it happen once. Someone I knew was stung by a honeybee and died. But, I'd also seen people get stung multiple times with no worse effect than welts at the site of the stings."
"Why?" the young blonde studied him, her brows furrowed in thought. Just when she thought she was starting to figure out what motivated the man, something new left her wondering again. He was an enigma, and she was sure that was part of what attracted her to him. "What would possess you to take a chance like that?"
"Despite being so young, I knew that a mistake on my part during one of our endeavors could prove to be our undoing," he explained. "That knowledge was a great incentive to strive for perfection."
"You see, dear," Maude interceded, "In our profession we can't risk letting our guard down for even a moment. Concentration, focus, and the ability to be completely unflappable in any situation were what always gave us the upper hand. No matter what you felt inside, the outside had to be perfectly controlled."
"Even what appeared to be an intense emotional display had to be staged and controlled. It didn't take me long to learn that the only time I got real emotion from my mother was privately after I had performed flawlessly," Ezra explained.
Josiah had been right, there was a sadness that clouded her son's eyes when he spoke of their past. How she could have missed it all this time? She knew he had resented being left with distant relatives sometimes when he was young, but she had always thought he knew how much she loved him. It was just that their lifestyle made certain demands on them that were sometimes disagreeable, but that were still essential. Survival had often meant making hard choices and feelings had to come second to necessity.
"Ezra, I've always been proud of you. Sometimes it might not have seemed like it, but at the time, giving you the skills to survive was more important to me. I needed to know that if anything happened to me that you could make it on your own." She reached across the table and laid her hand over his, where it still rested on the table holding onto Mary's. "I don't really expect you to believe this, but it wasn't all for me. I wanted you safe and able to provide for yourself.”
"If you had wanted me safe, I would think you would have found a way out of this line of work and made a real home for us," Ezra accused. "But, I think you like it too much to give it up."
"Ezra, you've been around enough to see that there aren't that many choices for women. Your father had painted such a glamorous picture of how life would be if I joined him and learned the trade, and there was no going back after I ran away with him. My parents disowned me." Maude was careful to keep her voice down. The last thing she wanted was for everyone to over hear the personal details of her life. The thought had crossed her mind that she could stop this and continue it later somewhere more private, but now that she had started telling him some of the things she had kept secret, she was afraid if she stopped she would not be able to start again.
"Your father made it all sound so exciting, but what he didn't tell me was how dangerous it could be. By the time I realized what I had gotten myself into it was too late to turn back. You were on the way, I had no home to go back to, and I knew if I left your father that I didn't have any way of supporting us." Ezra sat staring at the table halfway between them, and she could sense her son's discomfort at the personal turn the conversation had taken. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, causing him to look up at her. "There still aren't a lot of choices for single women, but there were even less then. A proper woman might be a teacher. A widow might be accepted in the business world if she maintained her husband's business," Maude said with a quick glance toward Mary before facing Ezra again. “But a woman with a less than acceptable reputation had little choice; she could work in a saloon or she could sell her body. I couldn't bring myself to do either, so I stayed with him."
"You were about six months old when he died, and I found myself facing those same choices again." She paused for a sip of coffee. After a deep breath to steady her nerves she continued. "I chose to work in a saloon, and when a gambler who was passing through discovered my talent with cards, he made me a business proposition. He would help me hone my skills if I would help him lure men into the game. It was a much better living for you and me than serving beer and flirting with drunks had been."
"You never told me any of this before." Ezra's voice broke betraying the emotion he held in check. "I didn't know you had ever worked as a saloon girl. Why didn't you tell me?"
"By the time you were old enough to understand, I was living a different kind of life, and I didn't think it mattered. No matter what, I was determined not to go back to living hand-to-mouth and worrying that things would get so bad that I would have to take that last step down to selling myself," Maude confessed.
"You've never acted like you looked down on those women…" Ezra began.
"I don't," Maude interrupted. "Because I know how close I came to reaching the bottom. I know that most of the women aren't there by choice; they are there to survive, just like I was. The only difference is that I found a way out. It wasn't the most perfect solution, but it was the best chance I had."
Ezra looked thoughtful for a moment. "There were times that I seem to recall seeing you slip one of the ladies some money. I thought I must have been mistaken. I could never understand how you could be so hardnosed, how you could take a man's last dollar and send him home without a dime to his name, and then you would turn around and give part of it away. I couldn't even get a penny from you to buy a candy stick without earning it." Ezra looked at his mother with confusion and hurt warring for dominance in his expression.
"Darling, I was ensuring that you knew that nothing was ever free. There is always a price. The women I helped had already learned that lesson the hard way, and they struggled every day to get through the day with food to eat and to avoid another beating. I'd been lucky enough to have a fairly kind employer, but he still made it clear that if I didn't keep the customers happy and earn more than just my keep for him by working in the saloon that I would have to increase my contribution to his profit in other ways. He gave us a room to stay in and food, plus I got a small wage. It was enough that I didn't have to resort to those other ways, but not enough for me to be able to save enough to get us out." Maude paused and took another sip of her coffee and to gather her thoughts.
"As we traveled, there were times that I saw one of the girls had been beaten so badly that I don't know how she lived through it. Those were the ones I would help. I'd slip them a stage ticket and enough money to get them away before they ended up dead." Maude's cheeks flushed with embarrassment from admitting what she saw as her biggest weakness to her son.
"It sounds like Ezra gets his compassionate side from you too, not only his talent as a gambler." Mary found she was seeing Maude in a whole new light, and she was pretty sure from the expression on Ezra's face that he was too. "He's risked himself several times for me, and JD told me about how he paid for that Chinese girl to go back to her family." When she saw the gambler's stunned expression she turned to address him instead of his mother. "I know you think no one knew about that, but JD and Buck saw you. I think that's when they both really knew how much you had changed."
The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their meal, and no one spoke as they buttered rolls and took the first few bites. They were all hungry, and for a couple of minutes their empty stomachs took control.
After several bites of roast beef and half of a roll, Mary broke the silence. "You never did finish telling what happened when Ezra bought that pocketknife."
"I did get a little sidetracked, didn't I?" The older woman smiled and dove back into the story, glad to have the subject back onto something less personal. "He said he was going to our room to practice his memory game, but instead, he had the knife out playing with it. He'd been carving on a piece of wood he'd slipped into the room in his pocket. When he heard me coming he hid the knife behind his back and tried to close the blade so he could get it into his pocket without me seeing it. When the blade snapped closed it caught his fingers. He never let on that he was hurt, but just as I started to leave I saw blood dripping on the floor behind him. He'd cut three fingers, but fortunately not badly enough to do permanent damage."
"If you'd let me have one when I asked, I wouldn't have been sneaking around," Ezra accused.
"That's why you wanted Billy to have one? So he wouldn't go sneaking around and maybe get hurt like you did?" Mary asked. "Now it makes sense to me."
"I was aware that you probably wouldn't approve, but I know how determined a young boy can be," Ezra explained.
The three chatted through the meal as if nothing had happened between Ezra and Maude earlier in the day, but there was still an underlying tension that could be felt between them. Mary could sense it, but she was glad that they were each making an effort to give the other a chance.
Ezra sat back and groaned softly causing Mary to burst out in giggles. "My dear, it isn't nice to laugh at someone who is in pain," he chided, but added a wink to make sure she knew he was teasing her.
"Well, I didn't force you to eat so much." Mary shook her head as she laughed softly at the gambler's grimace of discomfort. "You are such a sucker for apple pie. You know if you keep eating like this you'll get fat," she teased and grinned at the look of horror on Ezra's face.
"Don't even jest about such an occurrence." He rubbed a hand over his stomach and looked at the young blonde in concern. "You don't think I'm getting fat, do you?"
"No, I don't," Mary reassured him. "But even if you did, I'd still love you just the same."
"As I would you, my dear. I suppose there are much worse things than growing old and fat together." He gave Mary's hand a squeeze, wishing they were alone in her kitchen so he could express just how much he meant that by stealing a kiss.
Mary smiled and searched Ezra's face for a clue to whether he was teasing or if he really meant that last remark. He had told her frequently that he loved her, but this was the first time he had made any comment about growing old together. She couldn't help the racing of her heart at the thought that maybe he was seriously thinking about settling down.
"As good as this meal was, it doesn't compare to Mary's cooking," Ezra informed his mother. "Especially her apple pies."
"You always did love pie, and good food, but you had to be blessed with a mother who is a horrible cook," Maude admitted. "If you're finished, I think we should go. It looks like they might be needing our table."
"I think you're right," Mary agreed. She looked intently at the gambler and with a straight face managed to ask, "Can you get up on your own, or do you need me to help you?"
Ezra chuckled and pushed his chair back to get up. "I do believe I can still manage under my own power." Once on his feet he helped Mary with her chair and extended a hand to her as she stood up, before moving around the table to do the same for his mother.
Ever the gentleman, Ezra helped both women with their coats and made sure he walked on the side next to the street as he escorted them down the boardwalk. Mary walked in the middle with her hand looped through the bend of the gambler's arm.
"Ezra usually comes over for a cup of coffee after supper. Would you like to join us?" Mary asked.
"Thank you, dear, but it has been a tiring day. I think I will read for a bit and turn in early. May I take you up on the offer another time?" Maude asked. She was torn between wanting to see how Ezra and Mary were together when they weren't out in public, and not wanting to crowd her son too much, too soon. On top of that, she really was tired. She couldn't remember when she had ever considered going to bed so early.
"Mother, are you sure you're all right? This isn't like you at all," the gambler leaned forward to look around Mary so he could see his mother. It was full dark out, but he could see her in the light that poured forth from the window of the telegraph office as they passed by it.
"I'm fine. Just tired is all. So you two run along and have your coffee; I'm going straight up to my room." She tilted her cheek toward her son for a kiss and then focused on Mary. "Thank you for sharing dinner with me, dear. Maybe we can have a chance to get to know each other better while I'm here."
"I would really like that. Please, feel free to stop in any time," Mary offered.
"Mother, would you like me to see you up to your door?"
"Nonsense, my darling boy. I've been seeing myself to my room for most of my life. You two go on and I'll see you in the morning." Before either could press any further, Maude opened the door and stepped inside the hotel.
The young couple resumed their walk toward the Clarion building, neither speaking until after Mary had opened the door and they were both inside. "You're worried, aren't you?"
Ezra frowned slightly and then nodded. "I can't remember her ever going to bed early before, unless she was ill, and then that was only two or three times. She is one of those who very seldom gets sick, but when she does she really gets in a bad way."
Mary hung their coats up and led him into the kitchen for the promised cup of coffee. "It could be that it was such an emotional day for her that it just made her feel drained. I've felt like that before."
"Really? When?"
"Lots of times. When Billy has been really sick. When Stephen was killed. I had a lot of those days then. After I lost…." She paused and swallowed the lump in her throat before she could continue. "After I lost the baby," she finished. "There are a lot of things that can cause a woman to feel emotionally worn out."
Ezra stepped around the table to where Mary stood next to the stove and gathered her in his arms. When she rested her head on his shoulder he stroked her hair softly and kissed her on the forehead. "Darling, I hope I am never the cause of you experiencing days like that."
Chapter Two
Ezra moved quietly through the shadows until he reached the back door of the Clarion. He released the latch without a sound and slipped quickly inside. It was dark, but he could find his way around this house blindfolded if he needed to. The third step from the top squeaked under his weight as he went up the stairs to Mary's room.
"I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it tonight." Mary sat up in bed to accept a kiss. "I've missed you. Getting only one stolen night in the last month was unbearable."
Ezra chuckled and then lowered his mouth to hers again, toying at her lips with his teeth and tongue until she moaned in pleasure and opened her mouth to invite him in. The kiss left them both gasping for breath and wanting more.
"I get the distinct impression that you do thoroughly enjoy our private time together," the gambler teased.
"No more than you do," Mary countered, and then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down with her on the bed.
"And there is no doubt whatsoever that I do enjoy our trysts. There is but one problem," he said with a scowl.
The pretty blonde pulled back as much as she could considering that she was lying down and frowned up at him. "What kind of a problem?"
"They never seem to occur often enough." The gambler grinned and closed the distance between them to steal another kiss.
Mary moaned softly when he teased her lips open with his tongue to gain access to the intoxicating depths of her mouth. She wrapped her arms tighter around him to pull him down on top of her.
The kiss continued, with the two of them becoming one tangle of limbs all trying to find a way to get closer to the person they encircled, but their clothing kept getting in the way. Unable to be patient any longer, Ezra traced one hand down her side, over her hip and curled his fingers into the thin cloth of her nightgown and began to inch it up her thighs. When he finally reached the hem, he slipped his hand up under the thin barrier and eased his hand up higher, caressing her soft skin along the way.
That was all the encouragement that Mary needed, and she moved one arm from around his back, so she could slip it between them to work on the buttons of his vest and shirt. She had enough practice that she was no longer slow and awkward, and in moments she had both garments open revealing the smooth, hot skin of his chest.
"Darlin'," Ezra began, but his breath caught in his throat when Mary's hand reached his nipple and rolled it between her thumb and forefinger. He shivered when he felt her lips on his throat and the tip of her tongue darting out to tease the sensitive skin there, while she continued to toy with the hardened bud between her fingers.
"Hummmm?" she purred, and continued to lavish his throat and ear with hot, wet kisses.
"Darlin'," he tried again. "I intended to take this slowly tonight, but if you continue like this, I fear I will not be able to restrain myself much longer."
"Who asked you to restrain yourself?" Mary murmured and pulled her lips from his throat to search for his mouth. When she found it she took control, teasing his bottom lip as he had hers earlier and delving her tongue into his eager mouth.
All of Ezra's best intentions were undone with that kiss. When it ended he raised up on his knees straddling her. In one swift move the gambler pulled off his jacket and tossed it haphazardly over the footboard of the bed. The shirt and vest both followed but Ezra seemed oblivious when they ended up in a heap at the foot of the bed. Before he could reach to unfasten his pants, he felt small delicate fingers working the buttons open, pausing to rub the bulge that strained to get free.
"Good Lord," the gambler hissed and drew in a deep shuddering breath. "If you don't hurry, I may end up just ripping the buttons loose." He groaned loudly, the sound coming from deep in his chest when he felt her hand cup him and squeeze gently through the confining fabric.
"I would like to see that tomorrow when you try to get back to your room with your pants flapping open," Mary giggled and rubbed her hand a bit more firmly against him.
Ezra growled and snatched her hand away as he swung one leg over her so he could climb off the bed. He saw the startled look in her eyes when he pulled away and saw it replaced with a look of hunger; only she wasn't hungry for food. She was hungry for him and that knowledge fueled an even greater sense of urgency in him. Quickly he toed out of his boots and dropped his pants and underwear releasing his swollen manhood. When he stepped out of the clothes, he tugged off his socks along with them. It took him only a moment to place one knee on the bed next to her and swing the other leg back over her to straddle her again.
Mary watched him, lost in the sight of him, muscled and naked and ready to take her. She could not suppress a shiver of anticipation when she felt his hands slide up under her gown and lift her hips enough to tug the thin cloth from under her. Then continuing the motion he tugged her upright while he pulled the gown upward to reveal supple breasts, their nipples already aroused and hard. She raised her arms for him to free her from the interfering garment. She wanted to feel their bare flesh together, flushed from their desire, hot from their need, and sweaty from their shared passion.
As desperate as Ezra was to bury himself deep inside her, he forced himself to hold back. The last thing he ever wanted to do was to hurt her by moving too quickly and taking her before she was ready for him. A slight shift in position allowed him to lie down beside her instead of directly on top. When she tugged at him, urging him to move back over her, he shook his head and smiled. Another shift and he was at eye level with her breasts, which heaved with each rapid breath she drew in as she anticipated his next move. A moan rose unbidden from deep in her throat when she felt his lips close over one sensitive nipple, drawing it into his mouth.
Mary twisted her fingers into the gambler's hair as one shiver after another raced through her when Ezra alternately suckled on her breast and nipped at the taut nipple with his teeth. She'd lost track of his hands when she became swept up in other sensations, but was suddenly very aware of them again when she felt one finger slip into her moist folds to tease the sensitive bud it discovered there. Mary could not have stopped her body from responding even if she had wanted to. At the first touch her hips rocked, increasing the pressure between his hand and her womanhood.
Ezra continued to torment her with his questing mouth and fingers, bringing her close to the brink and then letting her ease back down before arousing her again. Each time he eased off, the beautiful blonde groaned in frustration and tried futilely to pull him over on top of her. At last he tested her by slipping one finger inside. Mary let out a sigh and pressed herself more fully onto the probing finger.
"Ezra, please!"
The gambler raised up and moved over her, using his knee to urge her legs apart while he continued his gentle massage with his fingers. When Mary opened herself for him, Ezra removed his hand and placed the head of his manhood against her, pressing down until he felt the head slip inside. He paused a moment to allow her to adjust to him, but before he could ease farther inside, Mary raised her hips to impale herself on his throbbing shaft.
It was impossible to tell which one of them let out the low, throaty moan that filled the room, or if it was truly only one of them. Both wore the same expressions of satisfaction at finally being joined in the flesh, mixed with a deeper urgency. The joining was sweet, but it was far from being all that they needed. Both practically vibrated from the raw passion that they held in check.
Ezra claimed Mary's swollen lips with his for another kiss that had them each working to maintain dominance over the other. While their mouths were busy the familiar ache they both felt from their joining overwhelmed them. When Ezra felt Mary's legs tighten around his waist he began to move, slowly at first, withdrawing only an inch or two before pushing back in.
"Ezra…" Mary began.
Her soft green eyes had darkened as her passion swelled within her; it was a sight Ezra knew he would never grow tired of, not if he lived to be ninety. "Yes, darlin'?” The gambler spoke in what sounded suspiciously like a croak to his own ears as he struggled to keep the pace slow and easy for the moment. "Oh, God!"
Mary felt the shudder rush through Ezra as he fought to hold back. "Don't…" She found herself quickly wrapping her arms around his shoulders to keep him from pulling away from her when he heard that one word. Wide-eyed, she shook her head hoping he would understand, but the look in his eyes said otherwise. "Don't…stop."
Relief washed over the gambler's face and he smiled, revealing his dimples, when he felt Mary squirming beneath him. He lengthened his strokes and felt the clenching of her muscles around his engorged shaft. In an effort to take even more of him inside, she lifted her hips to meet him on each downward thrust. Ezra's eyes locked with hers as the fire was kindled within them both. Words were no longer necessary. He could see what she felt in her eyes and could sense what she wanted and needed by the response of her body to his.
He increased the pace even more and pressed fully into her warm depths with each thrust, but tonight it still seemed that she needed more. A slight pause was all he needed to reposition them both, unlocking her legs from around his waist and guiding them up over his shoulders. This time when he leaned back down over her the new position raised her hips more. That difference in the angle of his stroke made all the difference. It allowed him to put more pressure toward the front, against that hypersensitive area that he knew should be there, but he had yet to find. When Mary gasped and her eyes grew wide in surprise, he knew he had found the right spot.
Now that he knew where he needed Mary to feel him the most as he slipped in and out of her inviting warmth, he eased back again and instead of leaning down over her this time he placed his hands on the back of her thighs just above the knees and pushed her legs back toward her own shoulders, bringing her hips up farther yet. With the next stroke he felt Mary's body spasm when his shaft slipped over that special spot again.
"Oh, my God, Ezra!" Mary writhed beneath him, but whether it was to get away from the intensity of this new sensation, or to get closer to it, she had no idea. Her body had developed a mind of its own and was reacting on a purely instinctual level.
Ezra was focused on two things, Mary's total abandon as she gave herself over to the consuming fire within her, and the supreme effort it was taking to hold back his own release until she had reached hers. When she began to shake uncontrollably, Ezra let himself go, plunging into her over and over raking forcefully against her special spot both directions, in and out. The moan that filled his ears became one continuous sound as he thrust faster and harder, watching his lover's head roll from side to side and her eyelids quiver as she neared her peak.
His muscles strained as he forced them to maintain their position despite the fatigue that plagued them. They were both so close. Ezra drew a deep shuddering breath and summoned the last of his energy for a final push to get them both to that moment of sweet ecstasy. He picked up the tempo. Within a few strokes Mary cried out and her eyes rolled back, as her pelvic muscles convulsed, clutching frantically around his swollen manhood. Ezra surrendered, allowing her grasping muscles to pull him over the brink and his cry joined hers as it echoed within the room. He managed a few quick strokes while his seed was milked from him as the force of Mary's orgasm continued to surge through her, his slightest movement sending wave after wave rippling through her body.
Ezra barely managed to let go of Mary's legs before he collapsed on top of her, totally spent from their lovemaking. As the haze began to clear from his mind, he seriously doubted that he would ever be able to move again. With a visible effort the gambler managed to lift his head enough to look at Mary's face, and he saw her struggling to open her eyes. "Darlin', are you all right?"
She nodded. At least she thought she nodded, but she wasn't sure if she really had or if it was just wishful thinking on her part. Finally, deciding speech would probably take less effort than actually moving, she tried to reply. "Ummm humm."
The gambler's brows furrowed in thought as he tried to decipher that sound. "Was that a yes?"
"Ummm humm."
"Darlin', if that means yes, blink once."
Mary's eyelids quivered and then finally opened and closed once.
"Good." Ezra tried to pull his hands into place to push himself off of his lover, but found he was still too weak. "I'm sorry, I can't move yet," he confessed.
"Don't want you to move," the sated blonde drawled.
The gambler managed a chuckle and a soft kiss. "I don't want to move either, but I have to." He mustered the small amount of energy that had found its way back into his body and managed to roll off of her, pulling her over with him to cradle her against his side, her hand and arm resting on his chest. Within moments they were both lost in sleep.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra woke first and noticed that it was still full dark outside. He could not reach his coat to find his watch, but he had a feeling that it was probably about three in the morning. This time of year it did not start getting daylight until around eight o'clock. He was not too concerned about oversleeping and having to find a way out of Mary's house without being seen. He had had to do that before. What did concern him was Billy coming home before they woke up and finding him in bed with Mary. The gambler could not help but smile ruefully to himself at the thought. He knew it was inevitable that it would happen someday, and he should come up with some kind of plausible explanation before it did, just in case.
"What are you smiling about?"
The gambler jumped slightly at the unexpected sound and hugged Mary tighter to him. "Nothing in particular, and everything in general," he answered. "I thought you were asleep."
"I was, but I seem to have developed a sense of when you're awake." She let out a jaw-cracking yawn and snuggled closer to Ezra. "What do you mean, 'everything in general?'"
"I don't really know how to explain it other than that I am happy. I can't really remember a time when I felt like this, but it's more than just happy. It's a lot of feelings that I'm not used to." He frowned as he searched for just the right words.
Mary pulled away enough to prop herself up on one elbow and look back down at Ezra. "What kind of feelings?"
"Where do I start?" He thought a moment before he started. "Happiness, contentment, satisfaction, belonging, friendship, joy; sometimes even sadness and confusion, and a lot more, but one thing is certain, there is always love." Ezra watched Mary smile and reached up to caress the side of her face. He could not suppress the slight shiver that passed through him when she turned her head to place a soft kiss on his palm.
"Everyone feels all those things sometimes. I know I do."
Ezra slipped one hand up behind her neck to pull her down close enough for a kiss, and then gathered her snugly against his side where she could rest her head on his shoulder. With one finger he tipped her chin up so he could see her face. "Mary…Darlin'…I love you."
"I love you, too." She paused a moment and then decided to finish what she had set out to say. Ezra could always tell when she was holding something back from him. "I loved Steven very much, but it wasn't the same as what we have. It was a steady kind of love that you just grow into, but this…" Mary stopped and searched for the right words. "…this is more. It's an overwhelming kind of love that just grabs hold of your heart and makes it hard to breathe at times."
"Hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to focus on things you need to do." Ezra sighed wistfully and then continued the description Mary had started. "And when we're apart it makes it hard to eat or sleep…my chest aches with this horrible empty feeling because you're not there."
"Yes, mine too," Mary agreed. "But when we're back together that emptiness fills up so fast that you feel like you could just burst because you know there won't be room inside to hold it all."
The two lovers snuggled in silence for several long moments, enjoying all the sensations of simply being together; the familiar ways they touched, the sound of their breathing, the rhythmic thump of each other's hearts, their unique scents.
"Mary, we can't keep doing this."
"What?"
"We can't keep stealing a night here and there. We can't keep waiting for nights when Billy wants to stay with friends, or grabbing a quick few minutes when we can find a chance to be alone and we think we won't get caught."
"Ezra, you aren't going back to believing…"
He silenced her by placing one finger lightly across her lips. "No, it isn't that. We've been fairly reckless in our actions." When she opened her mouth to try to speak he silenced her again. "I'm not talking about reckless in the sense that someone might see us or catch us together. I'm talking about our behavior in private."
"I'm not sure I know what you mean."
Ezra forced himself to relax before he tried to explain. "Darlin', we made a mistake once before. If things hadn't happened like they did, you would be almost ready to have our baby." He hated seeing the haunted look that passed over her eyes, but he made himself push on. "We should have been taking some precautions to be sure that didn't happen again."
"You wouldn't want a child with me?" Mary's voice was barely audible, almost as if she was afraid if he heard the question, she would not want to hear the answer.
"Oh, Darlin', I would want a dozen children with you, but not under circumstances like that. I'm honestly amazed that it hasn't happened again," Ezra confessed.
"Nathan said it would take some time for my body to recover."
"I know he did, but that's all the more reason that we should start acting like responsible adults instead of love-struck teenagers."
Mary tried to swallow the lump in her throat when Ezra eased away from her enough to sit up and reach for his coat. He fished around in his pocket until he found his watch, and twisted it around in his hand until he could read it by the faint light from the lamp that had been turned down very low, before he dropped it back into the pocket. The coat ended up tossed back over the footboard and Ezra curled back up beside her this time lying on his side to face her.
"My dear, sweet Mary," the gambler said soothingly. "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. Sweetheart, I would willingly give my life for you, if it meant you would be safe even if it were for only one more day." Ezra swallowed nervously. "I'm afraid I am bungling this terribly. I had this nice little speech all planned and now I can't remember a word of it." He chuckled softly at him self. "Mary, what I am trying to do is ask you to marry me."
"Marry you?" Mary was momentarily stunned. "The way you were talking I thought you were trying to find a way not to spend so much time with me." She shook her head in disbelief.
"No, Darlin'. I don't want to spend less time with you. I want to spend more, and I want us to be able to stop sneaking around. I want us to be able to walk in that front door together at night and not be afraid of the gossips. I want us to have a home and make babies together…"
It was Mary's turn to silence his rambling by placing her fingers over his lips. "Ezra, I want those things too," she responded, sincerity evident in her voice and the unguarded expression in her eyes. "Yes, I'll marry you."
"Yes? You really mean that?"
"Yes!"
The gambler graced her with a dimpled grin and then held out his hand to her with his fingers closed around something in the palm. He raised a brow at Mary's puzzled expression and nodded toward the closed hand.
He did not resist her when she pried his fingers open. Mary was not quite sure what to make of what she saw nestled there in the palm of his hand. "It's a ring, but it isn't a wedding ring." She looked at him with one eyebrow raised in question, and then looked back at the unusual gold ring the gambler held out to her.
"No, it's what they call a Claddagh ring. It's a type of betrothal or promise ring," Ezra explained.
"Where on earth did you find something like this? I've never seen anything quite like it." She studied the unique design, two hands holding a heart and topped with a crown.
"Have you ever seen something that you simply had to have?" When his lover nodded, he smiled and his eyes twinkled with mischief. "Ah, then you know how obsessed you can become with wanting something, even though it might have no real purpose at the time?"
A deep blush crept into Mary's cheeks and she nodded again. "I remember doing that when I saw a cradle that I just knew was the only one for my babies. I hadn't even gotten married yet, but I hounded my father until he bought it." She chuckled softly at the memory. "I had an awful time convincing him that I hadn't scandalized the family by getting myself in a family way, but I finally got him to understand that I wanted it for my hope chest."
"What ever happened to it?"
"It is stored with some of Billy's baby things."
"Then we will have to bring it back out when we have our children," Ezra assured her.
"This ring," the gambler nodded back to the object that started the discussion, "was one of those things for me. I saw it in a shop in Atlanta and I was intrigued by it. I tried to resist it, but I kept going back to see if it was still there. Finally, I gave up and asked the storekeeper about it, and when he told me the legend of the Claddagh ring, I had to have it. Something kept telling me that the time would come someday when I would find someone to give it to, despite the grief I still felt over losing Julia. Part of me kept saying I should get rid of it, that there would never be someone else for me, but the part that made me buy it in the first place just wouldn't let it go. For almost three years, I've kept it, and now I know why. Because it was meant for you." He reached out and gently wiped a tear from Mary's cheek. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he soothed.
"These are good tears," she insisted. "That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." The pretty blonde wiped another stray tear and then changed the subject. "So, what is the legend of the ring?"
"Legend has it that in county Claddagh in Ireland, a small fishing boat was seized by pirates and the crewmen were taken as slaves," Ezra began. "One of the crew had been planning to marry the love of his life. His bride-to-be was inconsolable, but she never gave up hoping that she would see him again, and she refused to consider anyone else for marriage. Her betrothed was put to work as a goldsmith. Through the years he never stopped loving the woman who was left behind and he made her a ring, with a heart for love, a crown for loyalty, and two hands for friendship. Eventually he managed to escape. When he got home he discovered that she had never married and that their love was as strong as ever. He gave her the ring he'd made for her and they were married shortly after."
Mary had been mesmerized by the soft lilt of his voice as Ezra told the story, and now looked at the ring in a new light. What had at first seemed a bit odd now took on a whole new meaning. "Oh, Ezra. That's a beautiful story."
"It seemed to be a perfect symbol for us," the gambler continued in soft tones. "We were friends first, then we became lovers, and now it is my promise to always be loyal to you."
"And, by wearing it, it will be my promise to be loyal to you. We've already been though some rough times together. Most likely there will be more in the future, but I expect that most of our days will be filled with happiness," Mary remarked. "When we do hit those times when things get a little rocky, we'll come through it stronger than ever, as long as we're together."
"Of that, I have no doubt," Ezra agreed. "Now tell me which way you'll be wearing the ring? There is significance to how it is worn. On the right hand, with the heart facing out, your heart is still searching; with the heart facing in, there are possibilities; and on the left hand with the heart facing in, your heart is promised forever."
Mary smiled coyly. "Do you really need to ask which way? On the left, of course. My heart has been yours since that last night in the cave," she confessed.
"I wanted to ask you on New Year's Eve. I had this notion that it would be a perfect start to the new year, just knowing that we were finally going to be together, but I could never get enough time alone with you to ask you." Ezra nodded toward her left hand. "May I?"
Mary didn't quite trust herself to talk at the moment. She knew if she tried she would probably burst into tears as all the emotions that had been tumbling around inside threatened to spill out, so she simply held her hand out to him and nodded.
Ezra slipped the ring onto her finger, with it turned so the heart faced inward toward her body and her own heart, and he was relieved to see that it fit perfectly. It would have been difficult to find a jeweler who could resize it if it hadn't, but he would have found one no matter how far he had to ride. "I love you, darlin'. Today, tomorrow and always."
The battle against the tears was lost, and Mary gave in and let them flow freely down her cheeks as she threw her arms around Ezra. "I love you too. Nothing can ever change that." She hugged him tightly and poured her love out to him in their first kiss as a betrothed couple. With a sigh of absolute contentment, they both settled back down to snuggle in each other's arms. They were too excited to think of going back to sleep so they talked about their future until the first hint of the coming morning forced Ezra to slip out into the gray light of predawn to seek out his own room and his own empty bed. He drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face, still able to feel Mary wrapped snugly in his arms and smell the scent of her that still clung to his skin, invading his senses and with luck his dreams.