Pairing: Buck and Ezra
Disclaimer: To paraphrase Colonel Schult from Hogan's Heroes - I own nuthzink! Nuthzink!! Although - if wishes were Ezra, Bucklin would ride.
Thank you: Thanks to my beta Lumina~. I know what a hardship it was for you to read this <g> Thanks to those who got back to me about my queries on fruit in the 19th Century, especially Gwen who came up with the cherry solution.
Notes: Kristen came up with Chaucer's name.
// - Denotes thought
//Ezra is naked// was the first thought that streaked through his mind before he immediately corrected himself.Ezra wasn't naked at all; he was nekkid. Buck quickly stifled the snort that thought produced as he remembered the lessons he had received on the five stages of man: Dressed; clothed; nude; naked; and last of all - his personal favourite - nekkid. While many looked down on his upbringing, Buck wasn't afraid to admit, to himself at least, that everything in the cathouse wasn't all wine and roses. He fondly remembered the days when his mother and her friends would teach him about life, love and arithmetic. The arithmetic part sometimes still baffled him, but the lessons on love and life were engraved with gold into his heart.
The first lesson the women had taught him had given him a good handle on a woman's mind - He figured once JD was old enough to actually listen and take heed to his advice, he'd let him in on the secret. - for money, a man can have your body. For love, let him see your heart. For respect, let him touch your soul. These three tenets held true, not only for the gentler sex, but also for men. With this in mind, Buck had been trying to get Ezra to see him for the person he was, and not the jesting Lothario the rest of the seven saw.
It was all Ezra's fault that Buck was now on the balcony outside the clinic watching Ezra slowly lower his healing body into the bathtub. Ever since that night he had made that mindless, stupid, wonderful bet about their kissing styles…
They had been camping out on their way back from dropping off a prisoner and were teasing JD about his and Casey's relationship. They were in the middle of explaining how to move beyond frog giggers and horse races, and the importance kissing held, when JD had visibly whitened as Buck started to explain the best techniques for French kissing. Ezra had surprised them both when he had pulled a tin of candied cherries from his saddle pack. JD had asked where he had got the confectionery from, and Ezra had, in his usual verbose, yet sphinx-like, manner said he had done Mrs. Potter a great favour and she now ordered them in for him every couple of months. Then he had put JD back into the limelight by saying that a handful of cherries would be all JD would ever need to learn the fine art of seducing a woman by a kiss.
JD scowled in disbelief, and Buck was in the middle of telling Ezra that was the biggest bunch of hooey he personally had ever heard, and he had heard a lot of hooey in his time, when the gambler had popped a cherry, stem and all, into his mouth. Not five seconds later he held out his tongue and on it was the cherry stem, knotted around the pip. Once JD had gotten his head around what Ezra had achieved, he had followed Ezra around for weeks, begging to be taught how to do that. Buck had immediately hardened when he thought what that tongue could do to "non-cherry" items and had been plagued with fantasies involving himself, Ezra, some privacy, and the biggest bowl of fruit this side of the Mississippi.
Buck was brought back to the present by a small splash and a quiet Southern curse. Peering closely into the clinic, it looked like Ezra had lost his grip on the soap and was slowly raising himself out of the bath water to try and find it again. Buck quickly adjusted himself as he watched soap bubbles and water slowly trail down Ezra's chest, sliding left to right and right to left. The scoundrel's eyes darkened as he watched one lucky soap bubble fall from the hollow of Ezra's neck to his right nipple and down, only to be captured in his navel. Buck refused to look any lower and was impressed by his willpower. He felt guilty enough about the pleasure he got from spying on an unawares Ezra. Since he had started this bath time surveillance all those weeks ago, he had made a silent vow to leave something for Ezra to show him if any of Buck's dreams came true.
Once the gambler found where the soap had hidden itself and begun to wash his hair, sighing in the ecstasy of cleanliness that only a fastidious man could, did Buck go back to remembering the dream he had had the night before. It had started with he and Ezra on the trail to who-knows-where. Ezra was wearing his red jacket and matching vest - Buck's favourite outfit. As the heat of the day rose with the sun, the jacket was removed and tied to the saddle. Somehow it had fallen from Chaucer, and Buck had stooped to pick it up. When he looked back up, Ezra had vanished from sight, though in the distance, he could see something that didn't fit into the landscape.
He urged his horse along and there, carelessly discarded, was Ezra's vest. The vest was tied with the jacket as Buck scanned the horizon looking for clues to Ezra's whereabouts. Sure enough, a half-a-mile further was a white shirt gleaming in the noon sun. In sleep and in dream, Buck had shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a way to ease the burden his pants were fast becoming, knowing that a half-naked Ezra was somewhere close by. Suddenly, in that magic way of dreams, before Buck was an oasis - lush vegetation, a waterfall and Chaucer, without saddle and contentedly wandering, nibbling any nearby grass. He unsaddled his horse and allowed it to join Chaucer, while he continued to search for the green-eyed man.
And find him he did, there under the shade of a mesquite tree, wearing little enough to scandalize any of the town's womenfolk, but too much to satisfy Buck's growing need for Ezra. Leaning against the trunk, his booted feet crossed, hands resting on his gun belt, his hat keeping Buck from seeing his eyes, Buck could only stare open-mouthed at Ezra's trademark unholy choirboy grin
Buck slowly lifted his right arm and took his hat off, hoping to use it to shield his growing affection for the sight in front of him.
"Ah, Ez? What happened to your pants, buddy? Aren't'cha a mite cold there?"
Ezra moved his hat further up his brow while raising his head. His eyes raked themselves over Buck's body, and he opened his mouth to speak...
"Mr. Wilmington? What are you doing out there on the balcony? Not hiding from Blossom's paramour again, are you?"
Shit. He'd been caught.
+ + + + + + +
Buck yanked his hand out of his pants and prayed to Josiah's god, while trying to come up with a suitable excuse for him to be out on Nathan's balcony in the middle of the night watching Ezra take a bath. Not one good reason came to him other than the truth. There was no way Buck was ready to say to Ezra's face that he wanted to find out what else Ezra and his tongue could do, that there was no sight in the world more beautiful than Ezra standing at the window looking at him with his poker face nowhere in sight and only brand new, white cotton trousers on to cover him from view. Nope, that wasn't going to work at all. What he needed was a scapegoat.
"JD! I mean, Ez, that, uh, it's JD's fault I'm up here. He's sicked Inez on'ta me for watering down some whiskey."
"Watering down whiskey doesn't sound like something that would make Inez mad, Mr. Wilmington. In fact, I water down the cheap beverages all the time."
Buck cringed. He should have known something as cost effective as that wouldn't work.
"Well, Ez, it's like this. It wasn't exactly 'water' that was used."
"Vinegar, then? I applaud your initiative."
//Initiative?// Dammit, it was too late at night, and Buck was too embarrassed and sober for words that had far too many vowels in a row for him to mock whatever Ezra had just said. "Nah, not vinegar either. It was, uh, water."
"I thought you said it wasn't water."
"Let me put it this way. You know how ya say someone's full of piss and vinegar? Well, they're not full of vinegar. Vin and Chris were supposed to drink it...."
"And I take it that they didn't?"
Ezra's grin was threatening to split his face, and Buck was glad that he put it there. As long as Ezra thought that that was the reason for him being at the clinic, he could put up with whatever Inez would eventually do to him once she found out that there was "watered down" whiskey. Like Ezra always said, the best lies have smatterings of truth.
"Nah, not Chris and Vin. Someone else. None of us though, so don't you worry about it. How's your side anyway? When's Nathan going to let you come out and play?" Buck winced inwardly when he heard the words leave his mouth. If he had said those words to a woman like that, playtime would be "clothes optional." Buck realised that Ezra was going to start to question things soon, so as much as he didn't want to, it was time to go.
"Anyway, Ez, if Nathan catches you out here talking to me, he'll have my guts for garters and tie you to the bed." That was one image Buck didn't need right then. "So I'll see ya later. Just don't tell anyone ya saw me. Promise?"
"Certainly. Tomorrow, then. Perhaps… lunch time poker? If you're not busy?"
Buck knew he would travel through seven levels of hell to spend time with Ezra. "Sure, Ez, if nothing else comes up, I'll see if I can make it up here. You know how JD can be, always wanting help with something or whatnot. If he don't need me, I'll try and get here."
Ezra stiffened and averted his eyes. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything you wouldn’t to Buck. Please, don’t feel you need to occupy the invalid.” The self-proclaimed "ladies' man" didn't know whether to applaud himself or beat himself round his head with his hat. Trying not to sound too eager was one thing; telling Ezra he was way, way down on his list of priorities was another. "Well then, Mr. Wilmington, on that note, I bid you adieu." He closed the balcony window and shut the curtains, leaving Buck with nothing but his fantasies.
Buck turned away and looked out to the street, trying to decide if he should walk down the stairs or just be done with it and cap off the evening by jumping. Shaking his head, he headed for the stairs; with the luck he'd been having, he would more than likely land in a cart of manure. He'd never hear the end of his "animal magnetism" then. At the bottom of the stairs, he turned towards the saloon, determined to salvage the rest of his evening. The seven men had been busy with problems out of town, and coupled with the bullet Ezra had taken and the constant watching he needed to make sure he didn't take flight to lick his wounds, Buck had only been to the saloon a handful of times in the last month. Shaking a crick out of his neck and giving his shoulders a quick roll, he prepared himself to pretend to try to sweep Inez off her feet.
//I'll be blowed. Has the whole world gone mad?// There at Ezra's usual table was a sight Buck had never thought he would ever see, and wasn't sure he ever wanted to see it again. On JD's lap was a saloon girl Buck had never seen before, and it didn't look like she would be moving for quite some time. Chris and Nathan were laughing so hard it looked like Chris was about to cry, something Buck hadn't seen for many years, and Vin - Vin of all people - was playing poker with some out-of-towners and raking in a pot that Buck could see from the door was pretty substantial. He was looking very much like the cat that had caught the canary and framed the dog for its murder, a look that reminded Buck of the time Ezra had briefly owned the place.
Everything reminded him of Ezra, and since he wasn’t interested in the woman, and he didn't feel like sparring with Inez, he decided to go to his room at the boardinghouse before any of the others spotted him. He still had the good bit of the fantasy to remember, after all; what better way to spend the night than reliving the pleasure he got from that dream.
"Hey, Buck!"
Buck tried hard to make sure his body didn't visibly slump in disappointment. //Just once I would like something to go my way. All I was asking for was a snoop on Ez washing and the quiet of my room to remember Ez washing. Why is that too much to ask?//
Sitting down in his usual seat, Buck returned JD's hello. "'Ey, kid, quiet night?"
JD cocked his head as much as he could without dislodging the amorous woman. "You okay there, Buck? You don't seem yourself. You're not getting sick, are ya?" And before Buck could just say he was tired, JD had already called Nathan over to check him out.
"I'm fine, Nathan, nothing a good sleep won't fix. I'll just go to my room and turn in."
With that, the table went quiet. Chris leaned back from the table and eyed his oldest friend. "Buck, it's the night after payday."
Buck thought for a moment and couldn't work out what Chris was going on about. "Yes, it is at that, old buddy."
"And you're tired. You're going to turn in.'"
"Yes. That's what people do when they want to sleep, Chris. I hear even that the Texas Rangers take time from catching bad guys to go to bed and sleep." He shook his head. "Are you going somewhere with this, Chris, 'cause I would really like to get some shut-eye?"
"Buck Wilmington, you're talking about going to bed by yourself the night after we get paid."
"Even I have to have a night off sooner or later. It wouldn't do the town any good if all the women died of exhaustion."
"It's eight o'clock. Even Billy isn't in bed yet. I think you should let Nate take a look at you. If you're coming down with something, it should be taken care of now before you get too sick to help out in town. With Ezra in the clinic and Josiah out of town, we can't afford you laid up with a cold."
Vin and JD stood up, with JD whispering in the courtesan's ear with a gleam is his eye. They each grabbed one of Buck's elbows and started to direct him outside.
"Whoa! As much as I like you fellas, I really think this is too big of a crowd. I don't need all of ya to take me to bed."
Nathan placed his hand on Buck's forehead before answering. "You're not going to your room, Buck. We're taking you to the clinic."
"What?! I ain't sick, Nate. I just need to have a quiet night in, that's all."
"Buck, you're looking flushed, and it feels like you might have a bit of a fever. And you were kinda hunched over when you were standing up. It could be serious."
//It is serious. I've got "Ezra-itis."// Aloud, Buck replied, "I jogged from the livery. I'm just out of shape. That's all."
Chris snorted. "The last time I knew you to have a quiet night in you ended up having the chicken pox. Considering the patient you made, I'd rather we nipped this in the bud. If you are sick, the clinic's the best place for you."
"But. I. Am. Not. Sick"
"Then at least the sheets will be clean. You always told Sarah nothing helped you sleep more than clean bedding."
Buck groaned. There was no way he could get out of this without breaking someone's nose, and he had a sinking feeling the only person who he could get away with that move was JD. It looked like he would be seeing Ezra sooner than he expected.
+ + + + + + +
With JD and Vin on either side, Chris in his usual position leading the group, and Nathan bringing up the rear to make sure his flush didn't turn into a faint, Buck had a not so vague idea of how the long walk to the gallows would feel. The only way out would be to explain he was blushing from his close-up with Ezra. That would lead to more questions that Buck didn't want to answer. With an internal shrug of his shoulders, Buck did what came naturally - he looked on the bright side. With everyone thinking he was ill, he could spend the night alone with Ezra, a moment he had been waiting forever for, ever since the cherry incident. He just hoped he didn't talk in his sleep. Then again, if it all went wrong, he could play up his so-called sickness.
"Buck?"
He turned to look at JD. "Yeah, buddy?"
"Do you reckon you're well enough to get up the stairs, 'cause I don't think Vin and I can carry ya up them?"
Vin reached around Buck to slap JD's shoulder. "Speak for yourself, 'sheriff.' While you're sitting on your butt looking at pictures of wanted men, some of us build muscle actually looking for them."
JD stopped and glanced at Vin. "If you're trying to insult me, you'll have to try harder. I'm thick-skinned."
"That's thick-skulled, JD. Anyone with your style of headgear deserves to have the shit taken outta them."
"Knock it off, Bat-"
Buck put up his hands to stop the argument. "If you two don't mind letting go of me, I'd like to see if I can make it up the stairs."
Chris raised an eyebrow. "So you admit to feeling off your game?"
Buck stood tall as he started up the stairs. "A Wilmington is never off his game. All I'll admit to is wanting to get into bed, and knowing Nate here, the sheets up there will be cleaner and smell nicer than the ones in my room. There ain't nothing like a body in clean sheets."
"Well, if you're going up, hurry up. I'm not going to wait around much longer to see you fall on your ass.”
"Ain't my ass you should be worrying about Vin. Give me eight or ten hours in bed at Nathan's clinic, and I'll be a happy man." He stopped just outside the door. "Well, here we are. Goodnight, fellas."
"Wait a bit, Buck, I'm coming in with you to make sure you're okay and Ezra's sleeping."
"Aww, Nate, I don't need you to tuck me in. I'm a grown man, and so is Ezra. I can check on him before I hit the hay."
Nathan shook his head. "Uh-huh. You still aren't looking too good, and I need to check and make sure Ezra is still taking it easy. I know I took the stitches out the other day, but the skin still looked a mite sore."
"I thought his side looked a bit raw."
Nathan cocked his head questioningly. "When did you see his side, Buck? I don't recall you being here last time I checked it."
"I was here earlier. I came up to see if he felt up to a quick game, but he was about to have a bath so I went to see you lot instead."
Nathan still looked a bit skeptical, and Buck held his breath, but Ezra chose that moment to open the door. "Are you all going to stand outside all night or come in? I can hear you talking, and it's distracting me from my riveting game of solitaire."
"We're coming in. Buck is going to stay here overnight."
Ezra's eyes narrowed. "I thought we went through this yesterday. I do not need a babysitter. I am a grown man, and I survived quite well without the six of you before. I-"
"Yeah, yeah, Ez, you're independent, you're a rock, an island in the stream of life. We know the speech, but Nathan here says that I'm coming down with the flu or something. He wants me to spend the night here so he can make sure I don't die or the like. You know how Nathan gets when someone gets a sniffle."
Ezra shared a smirk with Buck. "Yes, Mr. Jackson does tend to make mountains out of molehills. You get a bullet hole in the arm, and you'd think you'd gotten your entire arm cut off."
"I do not act like that. If you men didn't keep throwing yourselves in front of entire armies, I wouldn't have to keep explaining to you how it's possible to die from a gun shot."
"Oh, Nathan, you old mother hen you, if I didn't know better, I'd think you cared."
"Ezra. If you don't get your Southern, bullet-ridden behind back into that bed in the next thirty seconds, I'm sending for Maude to keep you company."
"That is unkind, Nathan, most unkind."
"I'll do it too, you know I will. Now, bed. You too, Buck."
Buck grinned at Ezra and gestured towards the beds. "After you, Ez."
+ + + + + + +
"Ever the gentleman, Mr. Wilmington." Ezra turned towards the twin beds. "I've been sleeping in the bed on the left. That leaves you the right. Do you want anything else, Nathan, or do you just like to watch grown men going to bed before children do?"
"I just want to check out your side, make sure it's still healing okay. Lift up your shirt for a minute."
The gambler sighed and slowly started to lift the right side of the shirt's hem.
Buck tried to not be too obvious while Nathan checked Ezra's healing side. The bed Buck was sitting on gave him a good view of the window, and he watched the reflections of the healer and the gambler go about what was, by the look of it, a routine they knew by heart.
As much as Nathan and Ezra fought, Buck loved to let their voices wash over him. The inflections and accents warmed him in a way he hadn't felt since he was a young boy growing up in a household of women. The quick comebacks and softhearted insults flowed over the lanky man and reminded him of warm-winded Sundays when it was too hot to breathe, but not too hot to spend the day out of the sun being shaded by bedroom ceilings. The two summers Buck and his mother had spent in the South was something Buck had told no one about because, as much as he loved to share his love of life with people, he wanted something of himself to be only for him and the person he ended up spending the rest of his days with. He wanted it to be something he ended up telling Ezra one day after getting out of bed only to stoke the fire and to find where they had flung the blanket hours earlier.
"Buck, are you okay? You've gone quiet and don't look yourself."
Buck looked up into the concerned green eyes of his most favorite gambler. "I'm fine, Ez, I'm just ready to hit the hay. Where's Nathan gone? I coulda sworn he was still here."
Ezra vaguely waved his hand in the direction of the door. "Nathan said something about wanting to get you to drink some tea to help you sleep soundly. He's had to go and get some more water to heat. He should be back soon. You're lying, by-the-by, about being fine."
The quick change back to him confused Buck for a second. "You're not worried 'bout me, are ya, Ez? If you are, ya'd better be careful. I'll start to think you care."
Ezra tilted his head slightly in a way that always reminded Buck of an eagle contemplating a coyote - slightly wary, but secure in the knowledge his perch is too high for the canine to do much damage.
"Of course I care, Buck." For five seconds Buck's heart stopped beating and thundered in his chest simultaneously. "If anything should happen to you, I'd lose one of my greatest contributors to the Ezra P Standish retirement fund. What's going on with you, Buck? I've noticed you've been quiet for a while now. You haven't been trying to seduce Inez for weeks."
Buck leaned conspiratorially towards Ezra and lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "She told me 'Nunca,' and I found out what it means. 'Never.'"
Ezra chuckled. "I know, Buck, I was there three years ago when she told you. Nathan and I told you, remember? Remember how you tried again and she ended up telling you it meant 'never'?"
"Well, I wanted to make sure she meant it. Women have been known to change their minds."
"Ah, they are a fickle lot, the fairer sex." Ezra paused while he started concentrating on re-buttoning his shirt. Once he had done up three of the buttons, he gingerly sat down on the bed next to Buck. "You still haven't answered the question. Something is going on, and it's starting to worry everyone."
Buck swatted at him "You're just reading too much into it all, Ez. Like I told everyone else, I just need to catch up on some sleep. Once I do that I should be more like my old self."
Ezra started to stand again, and Buck stood with him, gently helping him up by holding him just under his elbow. Even with that slight touch, Buck could feel the strength in Ezra's arm. He briefly closed his eyes, trying to capture the moment, the feel, the scent and essence of Ezra, so he could put more detail into the dream he knew he would be replaying in his head later that evening.
"Buck? Are you sure you're okay?"
Buck donned his shit-eating grin. "That's it. Now I know somehow you and Nathan have switched minds. The Ezra I know would be spending more time on coming up with a plan to escape now that he had an 'accomplice,' and a lot less time trying to keep his partner-in-crime in."
Ezra put up both his hands in surrender, and a slight change came over his face. "I can take a hint, Buck. I'll stop bothering you and let you get to sleep. Sorry to bother you."
"Wait a minute Ez, I didn't mean it like that. Look, if Nathan catches us both out of bed when he gets back, he'll have our guts for garters. You get yourself under the covers and I'll get myself under mine, so when he gets back at least he might not poke and prod us as much as usual. I promise you, there's nothing going on with me that should have you concerned about me." When it looked like Ezra wasn't going to continue the conversation, Buck decided to try another tack. "When are you due out of here anyway? The saloon isn't the same without you ruling the roost."
"Another three days is Nathan's latest prediction. It seems the wound has healed to his satisfaction, and any infection that was threatening to overwhelm it has been thwarted by all his medicinal knowledge."
Buck struggled with the sentence for a few moments before deciding to admit to defeat through tiredness. "Ez, I think I mentioned that I was feeling a mite tired before, right?"
"Yes, Buck. More than once tonight you have told me you were quite all right, except for a slight case of fatigue."
"It's just that, well, I'm not up to putting your sentences into English I can understand. What in Sam Hill did you say before about you being let out and things being 'taughted'?"
"Thwarted, Buck. I said that Nathan thought the bullet wound had healed, and all the tea and clean bandages and keeping it clean by staying up here had helped it clear up a lot quicker than he thought it would."
Buck nodded his head sagely. "Makes sense there. If you're not getting it dirty, it has less chance of getting infected, I guess. Do you still want to have a game of poker tomorrow? It looks like I'll be able to make it after all."
As Ezra reached over to the bedside table, Buck got a glimpse of his chest and inwardly sighed. It should be against the law for a man to look that good and not do any manual labor for the effort. He couldn't imagine ever getting bored trying to memorize the planes and contours of Ezra's body, and if he could spend one entire day trying to do just that, he'd be a happy man. As Ezra started to turn around, Buck quickly pulled up the blanket so Ezra wouldn't see how he’d been affected by the other man.
"We could have a quick game now if you feel up to it. Although, if you're tired, perhaps we should wait until you've rested. I wouldn't want to have an unfair advantage over you."
Buck chuckled. "Ez, you could beat me at poker tied up and blindfolded. The moment you picked up those cards in your hand, you already had all the money in my pockets. I’d like to have a game tomorrow, once I've had a chance to sleep and get back to my prime."
"Now you're the one being modest. The day you're not at your peak, Mr. Wilmington, is the day all fathers and husbands in the nearest five territories can finally sleep with both eyes shut. To quote our town's most beautiful saloon manager, that day will be nunca."
"Aww, shucks Ez, you're gonna make me blush like a schoolgirl in a minute with such nice words. I'll play with you tomorrow. I promise."
"I'll hold you to that, Buck. Goodnight, sleep tight-"
"-And don't let the bedbugs bite. 'Night, Ez."
"Sweet dreams, Buck."
//You can count on that. Sweet dreams, indeed.// With that thought, Buck stretched his arms, crossed them under his head, and started to wait for his favorite dream to begin.
+ + + + + + +
Buck laid in the darkness of the clinic and listened to Ezra's breathing even out. He slowly turned in the small bed so he faced the gambler, even though he couldn't see him clearly. He looked at the shape Ezra made on the bed, and thought about where he had left off the dream earlier when Ezra had found him outside on the balcony….
Buck put more detail into the image of Ezra under the shade of a mesquite tree. He pictured the lean Ezra was using against the tree, the way he put most of his weight on his right foot, showing the definition of his calf muscle, the sun picking up the faint hairs in his legs. He imagined the faint musky scent of Ezra, mixed with the smell of the horses nearby, the oil and leather from the gun belt at his waist, and the slight underlying perfume from the tree and grasses. He pictured the way Ezra was loosely holding onto his gun belt. Buck remembered watching those hands one night during a poker game. They were soft except for the slight calluses on his fingertips from his card tricks. Palms clean, void of any stains or scars, unlike Buck's, which were covered in years of gunplay, breaking horses, and lovemaking. Ezra's hands told a story of a life lived in cities and prosperity, surrounded by women wearing layer upon layer of petticoats, and all the men standing stiff-backed, wearing white gloves and brand new custom-made shoes.
Buck moved his gaze past Ezra's waist, skipping that delightful view until later. He drew his eyes to Ezra's chest, noting the slight chill in the air by the slight smattering of goose bumps and the way his nipples stood. His chest was completely hairless, another difference he had from Buck, who had a faint cover of brown hair covering his chest. The muscles in Ezra's neck had always captured Buck's attention, the way the chords stood out without giving Ezra the "tough guy" look like it did to Chris. The feline grace and power that flowed through Ezra was fascinating to watch, especially when he was completely at ease and in control.
And Ezra had never looked more in control than he did at that very moment. The unholy grin Ezra wore with his usual ease both soothed and aroused Buck. The last time that look had seen the light of day, Ezra had won $1000 in a poker game and had acquired the services of Maria, Linda, and the other women they had helped save from Wickstown for a week. JD hadn't been able to walk properly for three days.
...Slightly adjusting his leg, Buck checked to make sure Ezra hadn't woken. When he was sure Ezra wasn't going to wake and catch him, he continued his fantasy…
Buck slowly lifted his right arm and took his hat off, hoping to use it to shield his growing affection for the sight in front of him.
"Ah, Ez? What happened to your pants, buddy? Aren't'cha a mite cold there?"
Ezra moved his hat further up his brow while raising his head. His eyes raked themselves over Buck's body, and he opened his mouth to speak.
"Not at all, Buck. In fact, I was just thinking how things were starting to heat up around here. Can't you feel how hot it is, Buck? Don't you want to lose your coat, at least?"
Buck swallowed hard and started to take his jacket off. "It is getting warm."
Ezra pushed himself up from the trunk and started to move towards Buck. "It's getting very warm. Perhaps you should consider taking off your shirt as well. I'd hate for you to feel faint from the heat." He trailed his fingers up Buck's chest and slowly drew the suspenders off his shoulders. Once they were hanging by Buck’s sides, he started to undo the top button.
Buck's stomach chose that moment to protest the long hours they had put in the saddle. Ezra looked Buck in the eye and raised his eyebrow, before turning away from Buck and going to his saddlebags, pulling out some oranges and a tin of candied cherries.
"Feeling hungry, Buck? Sit down, and let me take care of what you need." He tossed Buck an orange and started to peel one for himself. As hungry as Buck was, he couldn't move. His eyes were fixated on Ezra's hands, watching the way they practically caressed the orange, looking for a place to dig his fingers in. Ezra looked up from the orange and handed it to Buck. "You seem to be having some trouble. Have mine."
Buck took the orange from Ezra, and as he pulled his hand away, Ezra trailed his forefinger down Buck's palm, a place Buck had never realized could be so erogenous. He missed the feeling when Ezra finally drew his finger away, causing Buck to tighten his grip on the peeled orange. Juice ran down his arm, bringing a mischievous glint into Ezra's eyes.
"Why, Mr. Wilmington, haven't I told you before that appearances are everything? We should really clean you up." And, with that, he grabbed Buck's hand and began to suck his fingers.
If Buck had thought watching Ezra manipulate the cherry stem with his tongue was the most erotic thing he had ever seen, he now knew he was mistaken. Watching the look on Ezra's face, feeling the way his tongue roamed over his fingers and the hard yet subtle sucking had Buck harder than he had ever thought possible. The sensation felt like it lasted a lifetime, when in reality, only a few seconds passed from when Ezra had started and ended his teasing.
"Now, are you going to eat that orange, Buck, or do I have to feed it to you myself?"
Buck smiled at Ezra, hoping this was going the way he wanted.
"Well, Ez, if you're offering, who am I to refuse?"
"Then, Mr. Wilmington, may I suggest you lie down and get comfortable?"
Without a second thought, Buck sat himself under the tree and lowered himself down.
"Wait one second there." Buck stopped and watched the play of Ezra's muscles as he got his saddle for Buck to rest against.
Ezra positioned the saddle, and as he bent over Buck, the scoundrel breathed the scent of Ezra as deeply as he could, hoping he would remember this for the rest of his days. Once Ezra was happy with the way Buck was seated, he turned away to grab the saddlebag that held the fruit.
"Prepare to be amazed, Buck…"
"Hey, Buck. Are you awake?"
Buck groaned as the voice of the young sheriff tore him from his dream. / / Why not just shoot me and put me out of my misery? / /
"I am now, JD. Can't this wait?"
"No, I want to talk to you. About Ezra."
"What about Ezra, JD?" Buck glanced over at the bed across the room and saw that Ezra was still deeply asleep.
"Well, not just about Ez. More like you and Ez. And I think you know what I'm going to say."
+ + + + + + +
Buck felt a dark chill go down his spine when he saw the look of maturity and understanding on the young man's face. He couldn't believe that JD could possibly know what was going on between him and Ezra, but JD had surprised him in the past and he wasn't sure he wouldn't tell JD everything. He only hoped that JD was talking about something else.
"JD, Nathan put me up here to sleep, and Ezra is still healing. This is not the time and place for this talk you want to have."
"It's the best time for it, Buck. I haven't seen you around town for a while, and when I do, I can't catch you by yourself. I just thought you might want to talk about what's going on between you and Ez."
Buck tossed the covers back from the bed, and walked over to the window, where he pulled the curtains apart and let the moonlight shine through. "JD, I don't know what you're going on about, but if you're not careful, you'll wake Ez and Nate will have both our hides strung out on the roof to dry."
JD waved his hand like he was swatting flies. "Ezra could sleep through a cattle stampede passing six feet from his bed if we let him. We'll be fine as long as we don't cock our guns. Sit back down, Buck. I want to know what the story is."
Buck closed his eyes and enjoyed the slight breeze from the opened window before turning around and walking back to the bed. He sat down and looked up at the young man.
"Look, JD, I don't know what has got your pants all twisted up, so why don't you tell me what you think you know. Then I can tell you how wrong you are and then I can get back to sleep."
"Fine, Buck, we'll do it your way." JD took a breath. "You're in love with Ezra, and you have been for months."
The dark chill from earlier turned itself into a cold, empty hole that Buck could feel himself plunging into head first.
"I am not in love with him."
"Well, you're in something with the guy. Geez, Buck, I know you think that I'm just a kid who don't know nuthin' about nuthin', but I know stuff, and I know what I've seen, and I know what I've heard."
Buck hoped the confused "you're-talking-through-your-hat" look he was trying to keep on his face was convincing the man.
"Well, what exactly have you seen and heard? Are you sure you know what you're looking at and hearing? I think those dime novels you read have ruined your brain."
JD sighed, and Buck almost laughed at the look on the young man's face. The last time he had seen a look like that Adam had been trying for hours to convince him that Faeries lived in the barn and he couldn't work out why Buck couldn't see them.
"Buck, ever since before you, me and Ez went on that prisoner exchange, you've been different around Ezra. You always fall back when all of us are on the trail so you're next to him. You sit next to him every time we met in the saloon, and if you can't sit next to him, you've been leaning at the bar, with your back to the crowd. I'm not stupid, Buck. I know you do that so you can watch for Ez in the mirror, watch him without anyone being able to tell."
"Let me get this straight. You think I am mooning over a man like a lovesick calf, and that years of watching my back have just been thrown out the window, just so I can watch him when noone's looking? Only something that you have noticed? You, who are a greenhorn snot-nosed kid who wouldn't know a real hat if it jumped up and beat you on the head. Who do you think you are, JD? A real friend don't go around saying stuff like this. I could shoot you for this, and everyone would think it was a good reason."
"You talk in your sleep, Buck. You're just lucky it was me and not someone else. You're my best friend, Buck, and Ezra always treats me like I'm an adult. I just want to make sure you're okay, and if you need a hand, I'm here for you. I'm here for the both of you."
Buck sat down and tried to slow his breathing. He hadn't meant to lash out like that, but if JD could see all that, what hope did he have of keeping this quiet? He had already decided that friendship was better than a busted nose and black eye, which was why he hadn't tried anything on the gambler. The talking in his sleep worried him more than he wanted to admit to, and he wondered what else he had done to give himself away. He had always been the type of person who needed to talk and vent, and if JD was offering to listen, then maybe he should take the sheriff up on it.
Buck sighed like he was a man who was on his last legs. "What did I say, JD? Did I say anything bad?"
JD shook his head. "Oh no, Buck. Nuthin' bad. You moaned Ez's name a few times, in that way and-"
"What way?"
JD blushed, causing Buck to slightly grin. JD might be okay with what was going on, but he was still young enough to not be too comfortable with the conversation.
"You know, Buck, like you're a man dyin' of thirst and he was a tall glass of cool water." At Buck's snort, JD grinned. "Hey, you always said living next door to you would teach me a few things. Anyway, other than Ez's name, you said some really strange stuff. Stuff like 'what happened to your pants,' 'It is getting warm,' 'going to eat that orange,' and 'be amazed, Buck'."
"I said that much?" Buck ran a hand through his hair. He was going to have to be more careful in the future.
"Yeah."
JD replied so softly Buck barely heard him. The look on JD's face made Buck take what he hoped wasn't a fatal step in their friendship.
"Ever since that trip you, me and Ez took, I've been havin' this dream. In it, Ez and I are on patrol, and Ez rides off ahead and- Never mind, JD. It's just a dream."
"Tell me, Buck. I promise I won't faint in embarrassment or anything like that. Anyway, Ez is still sleeping like he's dead, and you already look better from just what you've already said. I swear on my Mother that I won't tell anyone what you say."
Buck weighed it all up, and stole a glance the huddle Ezra made underneath his blanket. The slow rhythmic movement made from Ezra breathing reassured Buck that the gambler was still asleep. What could it hurt to tell JD? He trusted JD with his life. Why not trust him with this?
"Just remember you asked for this, okay? If you get uncomfortable at any stage, just tell me, and I won't hold it against ya." Buck paused while he waited for JD to answer. JD nodded once and leant against the windowsill, waiting for Buck to continue.
"Um, Ez rides off, and I follow him to this pond, a bit like that one about ten miles outta town. You know the one I mean. Anyway, he's waiting for me, wearing only what he was born-“ Buck cleared his throat. “- anyway, he helps me take my coat off, and then he starts to peel an orange and he gives it to me. The orange, I mean. I get some juice on me, and Ezra helps me get it off."
"How?"
Buck blinked and couldn't say a word. Out of all the things he expected JD to ask, that was not what had crossed his mind.
"How what?"
"How did he help you clean up?"
"Look, JD, there are some things you don't need to know."
"Aww, c'mon Buck, what'll it hurt to tell me? You never know, it might come in handy for me to know this one day."
"He, takes my hand and li- Look, kid, this is stupid. It don't make anything change telling you all this. Ezra is Ezra, and I'm still Buck. This don't work in a town like this. Shoot, it don't work anywhere unless it's only a coupla days on the trail."
"But, Buck, it might make a difference. I think you should tell Ez how ya feel. Ezra ain't like everyone else in town; maybe he feels the same way. You always tell me not to give up when it comes to matters of the heart. I think you should at least try."
"Weren't you listening just then? A man can get shot for even thinking about another man like that, and you want me to tell Ez I want to lay with him? I think I've hit you in the head one too many times."
"But if you feel this much for the man, why can't you tell him? Ezra wouldn't shoot you for saying it. Hell, he might even like ya like that back. Your feelings count, Buck, no matter what you think."
Buck stood and came towards the sheriff so suddenly, JD backed away as far as he could until his shoulder blades hit the wall. Buck still walked towards him until they were merely inches apart, and he poked JD in the chest to emphasize his words as harshly whispered into JD’s ear.
"It don't make a lick of difference what I feel, JD. Not one lick. Ezra isn't like that; he's not like me." Buck stopped, and the look of defeat that fell on JD’s face hurt Buck’s heart. "And even if Ez was like that, there is no way this side of Purgatorio that he'd feel for me as much as I feel for him. He would deserve someone who doesn't smell like horse and sweat six days out of seven. He deserves someone who doesn't need to spend half the time they're talking trying to work out what was said. He deserves someone who could be friends with the King of England, and not be outta place at the opera or ballet or whatever it is rich people do with their time. He don't need me like I want him. He don't need me holding him back from what he loves. He don't love me. What part of that can't you understand?"
With that, Buck turned from JD and stalked out of the clinic.
+ + + + + + +
By the time Buck had gotten back to his little room at the boardinghouse, he was still smarting over how naïve JD could be. Buck knew that telling Ezra about his feelings, let alone any detail about his dream, would be the quickest way for him to find out just how good Ezra was with his derringer. JD was too young. He didn't have the life experiences Buck did. Buck still bore the results of when he was twenty and had first told a man he had felt like something more than friendship. He had been young enough to think it would all work out, if he and the man he was attracted to could just talk it through and stand by each other. It was more than unfortunate that the object of his affection didn't feel the same way. Buck had been lucky the man was so agitated by the thought of Buck liking him in that way that it ruined the man's aim and left Buck with a puckered scar on his shoulder.
Buck knew JD's exuberance for life and his faith in the other six men were a part of what made him so special, but life was not a bed of roses. Buck smiled ruefully. Life was a bed of roses; it just happened that Buck suffered hay fever and always ended up getting a butt full of thorns. With a deep sigh, he sat heavily on his unmade bed. He knew life wasn't meant to be easy, but why the hell did it have to be so hard?
He could hear the heavy footsteps of JD's new boots coming up the landing, and was of half a mind to go out and apologize to the young man, but he couldn't. It was bad enough JD knew about his feelings for Ezra, but to admit that he shouldn't have yelled at the boy… That would just encourage him to try to convince Buck to tell Ezra everything. So Buck sat on his bed and waited until he heard JD open and close the door to his room.
//How am I going to face the kid tomorrow?//
Buck stretched out on his bed and put his hands behind his head. He thought about just pretending that it didn't happen, but he dismissed that idea almost as quickly as it had come to mind. JD may be young but he wasn't stupid. JD wouldn't appreciate being treated like that, and Buck had to admit that treating JD as such would only make the problem worse. He would have to face the whole situation like a man. Tomorrow at breakfast he would just pull JD aside and say he was sorry, he shouldn't have treated him like that, but he would appreciate it if JD just let sleeping dogs (or in this case - sleeping Ezras) lie.
With that plan in his head, Buck closed his eyes and started to drift off, hoping that once again he could find his place in his dreams with Ezra. It was just a shame that he couldn't have this dream sleeping next to Ezra, but he couldn't leave the way he did and go back up to the clinic. The clinic. Buck groaned. Nathan was going to kill him for leaving, especially after all the fuss there had been getting Buck to go there in the first place.
'Aw, hell,' he thought to himself, as he tossed over under the covers. 'I'll worry about that tomorrow. May as well have Nathan angry with me along with JD. At least Ezra won't mind me either way.'
Thinking of Ezra bought a worried frown to Buck's face. As long as Buck had known the younger man, he had always been a restless sleeper. Ez may very well sleep through a cattle stampede, but on the trail no one wanted the space next to Ezra as whoever ended up in the dreaded spot was more than likely to end up with a black eye in the morning from all the tossing and turning the gambler was wont to do. When he and JD were talking in the clinic Buck didn't recall Ezra moving an inch. That thought caused Buck's blood to send chills to his stomach. If Ezra had heard that Buck had feelings for him like that, discussing Ezra and him in a relationship like that, there was no telling how he would react.
The enormity of the situation wearied Buck even more, and he closed his eyes, hoping that he would fall into a dreamless sleep for the first time since that fateful night on the trail with JD and Ezra.
Seven hours later Buck awoke with a start. While he couldn't remember dreaming about a certain gambler and various pieces of fruit, a feeling of foreboding was still on him. Moving like a man of seventy, he eased himself out of bed and started to dress. JD and Nathan would be at the saloon by now for breakfast, and he wanted to get the lectures and apologies over as quickly as possible. At least Ezra would still be in the clinic for a few more days, and he could use that time to work out what excuse he could use if Ezra ever mentioned overhearing that fateful conversation.
For the second time in two days, Buck stopped dead in the doorway of the saloon. As he had predicted, Nathan and JD were enjoying a cup of coffee with Josiah, Vin and Chris, but what had him frozen in place was the sixth member at the table.
"Ah, good morning Mr. Wilmington."
Hearing the greeting reminded Buck to start moving again, and he hoped his gait was as normal as possible.
"What are you doing here, Ez? I thought Nate said you couldn't leave the clinic for at least a few more days."
Nathan snorted. "You know Ezra, Buck. He did everything he could think of to convince me he was well enough. I told him yesterday that if he could join us for breakfast by seven, he could leave the clinic. I didn't tell the rest of you about the bet because I knew you would help him, and part of the deal was that he had to do it by himself or it was back to the clinic for a week."
"Although why seven and not a more respectable time like ten couldn't be agreed upon has me baffled."
"Because you always wake at ten. Seeing you up at seven is just plain funny. You do realize your socks don't match, don'cha?"
Ezra slowly put his cup of tea down and gave Nathan a look that was partly murderous and partly warm.
"A true friend wouldn't point out another's clothing imperfections."
"Well, when you find one of those, let me know, Ez." JD's remark bought grins to the table.
"Alas, JD, even a true friend sees the error of your judgment when it comes to head wear."
JD waved a hand in the air to ward off any further comments about his hat. "So what's the first thing you're going to do now that you're out of the clinic?"
Ezra sighed and shot Nathan a sideways glare.Nathan just leaned back in his chair and shot Ezra back a grin that wouldn't look astray on a canary eating cat.
"Well, JD, I may have won the battle with Nathan on this, but I fear it was a Pyrrhic victory."
"What's a 'ferric' victory?"
"That would be winning a battle with swords and other such weapons that are made of iron. A 'Pyrrhic victory' is a victory where you lose more than you gain, as is the case here."
Buck turned his attention away from the table to search out Inez. He was desperately craving a whiskey, but at this time of morning the only one of them who could order such a drink and not get questioned on it was Chris, and since he was drinking coffee as well, Buck would have to make do with coffee. He smiled at her as she brought a cup over for him, and once she had gone, he turned back to the conversation to see JD smiling at him. He smiled back and raised his mug to the young man, and a feeling of forgiveness washed over him. JD turned his attention back to Ezra.
"But you’re here, Ez. How is that bad?"
"I may have won the bet that I could leave the clinic, if I was in the saloon before a reasonable hour-"
"Seven is the best part of the day, Ez."
Ezra snorted and turned to Vin. "Seven only exists in your mind, Vin. As far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as anything between 3am and 11 o'clock. Now, can I finish my story?"
Vin grandly waved. "Finish away, Ez."
The gambler smiled at Vin and turned back to JD. "As I was saying before I was interrupted, although Nathan said if I could make it to the saloon by seven this morning, e would release me from his care in the clinic, he was forbidding me in partaking in the three W's."
"Which is, Ezra?"
"It's quite simple, Chris. The three W's that I cannot have for at least three more days are Women, Whiskey and Poker."
JD scrunched up his nose. "Poker doesn't start with 'W,' Ez. Even I know that!"
Ezra smirked and picked up his cup of lukewarm coffee. "Yes, JD, but it is me we're talking about. I don't play poker; I win poker."
Nathan nodded. "So that was our compromise. If he didn't get up to any mischief - "
"Mischief!?! Now when have I ever gotten into mischief?"
Nathan threw Ezra a look that reminded Buck of how his mother had looked at him when he was seven. He had tried to convince his mother when he was seven he hadn't tried to paint the neighbours' dog even though he was splattered head to toe in white paint.
"Do not make me get out the list of the injuries you've had in the past three years, Ez. Mrs. Robinson is due to have a baby in three months, and I don't want to be stuck here reminding you of all the gunshot wounds, dislocated shoulders, and the numerous bruises and cuts and scrapes you've had."
Vin and Chris started chuckling, and Nathan quickly looked over at them. "Oh, if I was you lot, I'd lose the happy faces. If it wasn't for you two, JD and Ezra, I could sit back and enjoy a day off once in a while."
Ezra quickly shot a satisfied smirk at Vin.
"So, as long as I stay out of 'mischief' as Nathan likes to call it, I am free to roam our streets."
"So what can you do, Ez?"
"Very good question, Chris. Nathan, what work and play are you going to let me get away with?"
Hearing Ezra say the word "play" brought the night before back to the front of Buck's mind. Ezra would have known then that Nathan wasn't allowing him to play poker, so why did he agree to play a few hands with him? Unless Ezra had something else planned, but that was an option that Buck was too realistic to think upon.
"He should be able to do some shifts sitting at the jail, and in a few days, if his side hasn't caused him any trouble, I don't see why he couldn't do a few patrols on horseback, as long as someone goes with him."
"The ever present babysitter still, Nathan?"
"Or, if Ezra wants, I can put him back into the clinic for another two weeks."
"I look forward to catching up on the town gossip with whoever I am lucky enough to be paired with."
Nathan nodded. "That's better, Ez."
Chris slowly rubbed his left thumb against his lower lip for a few moments, and finally nodded. "Ez, if you don't mind, I'd like you to spend the day sitting over at the jail with JD or Josiah. There's a couple of ranch hands there from last night who tried to cause a bit of a ruckus over at the Potters' store."
"Certainly, Mr. Larabee. What about patrolling and the like?"
"Well, if Nathan says you're fine, I'll send you and Buck out for a patrol in three days."
Buck tried not to choke on the gulp of coffee he had just taken. "With me?!?" Realising everyone was staring at him, and Ezra was looking at him with a glare that could freeze hell, he tried to give a good reason for his unexpected outburst. "It's just that, if it's Ez's first ride, shouldn't he be paired with Nathan first off? In case Ezra hurts himself or something?"
Chris shook his head and stood up. "If Nathan thinks that Ezra will be fine, and if Ezra thinks he will be fine, then I don't see that there will be any problems."
"Indeed. I won't cause you any problems, Mr. Wilmington. If there is nothing else, Chris, I'd like to go to the jail and get myself reacquainted with our duties."
JD finished wolfing down his breakfast and stood with Ezra. "Wait for me. I'm on first."
Ezra waited until JD had put his jacket on, and together they left the saloon.
"I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Honest."
"We know that, Buck, and so does Ezra. He knows that you've been feeling a bit poorly recently. In fact, he was asking about your health before you walked in. He was surprised to wake up and find you missing this morning."
"Yeah, about that, Nathan, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like my own bed. I know I shouldn't have left, but I didn't think you'd mind."
"I didn't. I just wondered where you had gone. JD said he saw you going back to your room, so I wasn't worried."
"Good to hear. Anyway" - Grabbing his hat, Buck headed towards the saloon doors. -"I got places to be, women to see, and things to do. I'll see you all later."
As Buck breathed in the morning air and decided to go for a ride. He had to start preparing himself for spending an entire day with the man who ruled over his dreams.