Disclaimer: I don't own them, but if I did, I'd be off on a nice tropical beach with all of them. Don't make any money off them, but I like to borrow them, write about them and return them in the same condition when I'm finished.
This story is based on the song 'Alone' -- written by B.Steinburgh/T.Kelly; performed by Heart, copyright 1987. No copyright infringement is intended
Warnings: Nothing real bad in this one. Maybe a swear word or two. Some kissing and hugging and thoughts of things.
Acknowledgements: This is my first Mag 7 story and my first Slash story ever.
I want to thank Cheryl (Renegade) for introducing me to the Mag 7 sites, Vin, Chris and the rest of the gang. Without her support and pushing, I would never have finished this, let alone had the courage to post it. Having her for a beta and friend makes me grow constantly as a person and writer. You're the best, ET, thanks for all you do.
Synopsis: Vin learns of Chris' feelings for him and wants to confront him.
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch darkVin Tanner rolled over, pulling one of the pillows over his head with him to try and muffle the sound of the clock ticking on the wall behind the sofa. It seemed to be so loud; he swore if he were standing in the parking garage at work he would have been able to hear it. The sharpshooter tossed the pillow off the couch in frustration and pushing his hair back, toyed with the urge to either remove the battery, or throw the clock out the window.
The federal agent shifted to lie on his back. His ocean-blue eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling, despite the pitch darkness of his living room preventing him from actually seeing anything. Normally he left the light over the kitchen sink on, but he had been moving on autopilot since he left Buck's house earlier, and upon reaching his apartment, had collapsed on the sofa, not wanting to think about what he had learned about his best friend.
They had finished their paperwork on an especially hard case, putting in long hours to solve it, and Buck had suggested the team stop for a celebratory drink at Inez's. Ezra, too, who had been undercover for over two weeks, was more than ready to spend an evening relaxing with his friends.
Buck had asked their boss, Chris Larabee, to come along, but the blond had turned him down, using a desk covered with paperwork and the need to get home to take care of the horses, as reasons to stay behind. The young sharpshooter had watched his best friend's face when he answered and could see Chris' words for what they were, an excuse to keep from having to spend time in his company. What the former Texan wanted to know was why, and if it kept up much longer, he was going to demand that his friend tell him.
It was too many beers and about five hours later, that Buck unwittingly told the young man what he wanted to know. Vin had driven his friend home, after JD had left to meet Casey for a late date, taking Buck up on an offer to come up to his apartment for a while. Wanting to talk, the older agent had rambled on about his breakup with Veronica, a young waitress he had been dating for over six months. The conversation had finally turned to the young sharpshooter, who had turned two shades of red when his friend had asked him bluntly who it was he had a crush on. Vin had hemmed and hawed, not comfortable discussing Chris with the blond's oldest friend. Finally, Vin had told him it was none of his business and had threatened to flatten Buck's ass if he didn't change the subject.
Buck had grudgingly let it go and then turned the topic of conversation, to Vin's dismay, to Chris and his mood swings as of late. Larabee had a reputation for demanding one hundred and ten percent from his men, and would be the first one to tear them apart when they screwed up, but he was also the first one to stand up and defend them when someone else was questioning their work ethics. As of late, however, it seemed nothing anyone on the team did was right. Just that morning, Chris had lost his temper with JD over a file he was sure the team's computer expert had misplaced. The blond had insisted that everyone drop what they were doing until it was located. A half hour later, Josiah came out of their leader's office with the missing paperwork in his hand. Chris had not apologized, just ripped the file out of the profiler's hand and walked into his office, slamming the door behind him.
Vin shook his head as he laid on the sofa, recalling how he and Buck had shared their dismay at Larabee's perplexing attitude over the incident. The confusion he felt, worked its way into a faint smile as he remembered how Buck had winked at him then, whispering that what he was about to say was a secret, and that Vin had to promise not to tell anyone. He'd nodded his head, hoping that whatever Buck knew would shed some light on why Chris had backed away from their close friendship.
The team's resident playboy had confided in him that Larabee was in love, but was afraid to commit himself to a relationship after the loss of his wife and son. Vin had swallowed a lump in his throat and said he hoped Mary and Chris would be happy together, that he was sure the blond would make a fine father for Billy. Wilmington had frowned; asking him what the hell he was talking about, and then shook his head vigorously, as the liquor he had consumed began to affect him. Confused and frustrated with trying to follow Buck's wavering train of thought, he had reminded the ladies' man of what was just said about Chris being in love, and about wanting him to be happy. Only Buck had looked at him again and said hesitantly, //No Vin, it ain't Mary he's in love with....it's you.//
At first, Vin had been furious, certain that Buck was playing a joke on him, hoping the young agent would make a fool of himself by asking the blond out, but finally Buck had convinced him he was serious. The ladies' man had explained that he had gone to Chris' ranch a couple weeks before when he realized that it was his friend's wedding anniversary, concerned that the blond might not be handling it well. Wilmington had found Larabee sitting in his living room with an opened bottle of whiskey and a family album full of pictures of Chris with Sarah and Adam.
Buck further explained that he tried to comfort Chris by assuring him that Sarah would want him to move on, that he needed to get out and circulate. The dark-haired man told Vin that when Chris had raised his head, Buck could have sworn the hazel eyes bore a sadness in them that was almost worse than when Larabee had lost his family. Then the blond had confessed that he had fallen for another, but that he could not risk his heart again, because he was not sure he could survive losing someone he loved a second time.
*** *** ***
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephoneVin sat in the booth, listening to the never-ending ring at the other end of his cell phone. He hung up and laying it on the table, sighed, wondering where Chris was, or worse yet, who he was with. Even though Buck had stressed that the blond had told him he was in love with the young sharpshooter, Vin had a hard time believing it. Relationships had never worked out for him in the past, so there was no reason to think they would now.
The Texan looked toward the jukebox, where JD was busy selecting music. The younger agent had called him earlier that day, excited that he had acquired two tickets to the Colorado Avalanche's NHL championship hockey game against the New Jersey Devils.
The two friends had spent the better part of last week, trying to secure a couple passes to the game, with no luck. Finally, it had been Ezra who had managed to obtain the tickets for them. His mother and her husband were in town attending a weekend business meeting and one of their clients had given them complimentary tickets. Maude had no use for sports, but she remembered her son mentioning that a couple of his friends were interested in hockey, and she thought they might have use for them.
Vin had had a great time with JD at the game. It had gone into sudden death with their favorite Avalanche hockey player scoring the winning shot. The two young men had been so excited over their team winning the NHL championship; they had decided to stop at Inez's for a celebration drink and something to eat, the young Texan confessing he was starving.
Brushing the hair away from his face, Vin's thoughts turned back to the man who seemed to occupy most of them since Friday night. He had wondered where Chris had been all weekend, since he'd made several calls to the ranch and had gotten no answer. Tired, frustrated and confused, he finally gave up, having spent most of the night turning the conversation he had had with Buck over in his head.
"You're awfully glum," JD observed as he slid into his seat, smiling at the young waitress when she placed his food in front of him. "You didn't like the game?"
"Nah," Vin sighed, shaking his head slightly, "it's not that. I need ta' talk to Chris about something."
"So call him," the young agent suggested, taking a bite of his hamburger.
"I been tryin' all day," the Texan exclaimed, pouring hot sauce on his burrito. "But he ain't answerin' his cell."
"Maybe he don't' wanna' talk to ya."
"Why wouldn't' he?" Vin asked sharply.
"I don't know," JD shrugged. "Ya know how Chris gets sometimes. He don't wanna' talk to no body." Both men sat quietly, eating for a few minutes. "Why don't ya just drive out to the ranch tomorrow and talk to him?"
"Can't," the sharpshooter explained. "I promised Josiah I'd help him at the mission."
"Well," the younger man observed, "it can't be that important if it'll wait til Monday."
"Yeah, I guess yer right," Vin agreed reluctantly, taking a bite of his burrito. He looked at his cell phone once more, and decided to think about happier things. He turned to JD with a huge grin on his face. "I still can't believe we won. When that puck went in the net I thought I was gonna have a heart attack!"
"I know!" JD said excitedly. "We were screaming so loud, I'm surprised we didn't get a call from Buck askin' what the commotion was about."
The two young ATF agents laughed, their conversation turning to the game. For the moment, all brooding thoughts of his friend left the young sharpshooter, as he and JD relived the championship.
*** *** ***
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
AloneVin pulled into his parking spot, pausing as he listened to the words of the song on the radio. He thought of how it seemed to fit his life so much at that moment. He had spent most of Sunday at the mission helping Josiah, relieved for something to keep his mind off his problems. Once he got home, however, his thoughts drifted back to the conversation with Buck, and he found himself reaching for his cell phone, only to hear the constant ringing on the other end. Finally, thinking that JD might have been right that Chris was just not answering his calls, he had driven out to the ranch in the hopes of confronting the blond, and, instead found one of Larabee's neighbors tending to the horses. He'd driven back to his apartment, and had spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. He was lucky if he had gotten an hour's sleep.
Alone.
The singer kept singing about getting someone alone and her frustration at not being able to reach them. Vin knew exactly the frustration she felt. Knowing Chris was attracted to him should have made him feel closer to his objective, but instead, he had never felt further from his goal. After leaving the ranch, and during the drive home, he'd realized the blond was distancing himself. It was obvious that his friend was determined to prevent any chance of a relationship between them from happening, even before it could get started. The clues were all there. First he had stopped hanging out with the team on Friday nights and now, for the first time since the young sharpshooter had known him, Chris had asked one of his neighbors to watch the ranch instead of him.
The singer was cut off as he turned the jeep off and got out. Slamming the door, he headed towards the elevators.
"Vin!"
The Texan turned, smiling as he saw Buck get out of his car. The smile quickly left, however, replaced by a frown, when he saw Chris come around the other side, a laptop case in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. His first reaction was to turn around and head for the office, but then he would have to answer Buck's question of why he didn't wait for them.
Surely Chris had to wonder why he had called a dozen times over the weekend, not to mention the calls to Larabee's cell phone, Vin thought. At the time it had seemed so simple, once he got a hold of Chris he would go to the ranch and tell the blond how he felt, but now in the light of day, in the parking garage of the office, it wasn't the right time or place.
Chris looked tired and his clothes were wrinkled, as if he had been wearing them for a long period of time. Knowing Larabee hadn't been home all weekend, Vin now wondered where the team leader had been and why he wasn't driving his truck.
"Hey, Junior," Buck grinned, slapping him on the back. "What about those Avalanche?"
"It was a good game," Vin replied, grinning nervously and he glancing over at the blond, who nodded in his direction. He fell into step beside Wilmington as they headed into the building.
"JD hasn't stopped talking about it all weekend," Wilmington declared. "He keeps telling me about that winning shot, how it was the greatest thing that ever happened in his life."
"It was pretty awesome," the sharpshooter agreed.
The three men entered the elevator, with Buck and Vin continuing to discuss the hockey game while Chris silently stood beside them until they reached their floor. As Vin and Buck walked to their desks, the sharpshooter watched Larabee walk into his office, pulling the door shut behind him.
"Chris had a rough weekend," Buck explained.
Vin acknowledged his friend's comment with a slight nod of his head. Turning on his computer, he headed toward the coffee pot, with a cup in his hand.
"Travis called him after we left Friday night," the older agent continued, following him into the small kitchen to fill his mug as well. "Seems some lawyer pulled a fast one and was gonna get Fontaine out on bail. The judge in charge of the case was on vacation in Aspen and Travis insisted that Chris go talk to him."
"Weekend in Aspen don't seem all that rough to me," Vin commented quietly, walking back and sitting down in his chair.
"It wouldn't have been," Buck acknowledged, leaning against Vin's desk. "Except about an hour this side of the ski lodge he was headed for, he swerved to miss a couple deer in the road and hit a tree, totaling his truck."
"No wonder he's in a bad mood," Vin sighed.
"To make matters worse," the dark-haired man divulged. "He left his cell phone in his office, so he had to walk to the nearest payphone."
The younger agent whistled. He could imagine what kind of mood Larabee must have been in by then. "Did he ever meet up with the judge?"
"Yeah," Buck sighed, "late last night." He paused taking a drink of his coffee. "After he spent a couple nights in jail."
Shocked, Vin looked at Buck, wondering about the state their boss must have been in after being incarcerated for that long.
"Seems the local police mistook him for a robbery suspect. Chris had lost his wallet in the accident. He couldn't prove who he was."
"I almost feel sorry for those cops," Vin grinned. "I bet Chris ripped them to shreds once they let him out."
"Yeah, well trust me, he wasn't too pleasant when he got a hold of me yesterday," the older agent told him. "They let him make a couple phone calls, but your line was busy and I didn't answer when he called my apartment."
"Why didn't he call our cell phones?" Vin asked, frowning.
"The deputy told him he'd have to wait to make any more phone calls and Chris got upset," Buck smiled. "The short of it is, he pissed the cop off. They didn't let him out of his cell until Sunday and that's when he got a hold of me."
"What'd the judge say about Fontaine?" the sharpshooter inquired.
"He's thinkin' about it," Buck grumbled. "What's to think about, the man's made millions off selling drugs to little kids?"
Both men looked up when Chris walked out of his office. He headed towards them, a concerned look on his face.
"Vin," Chris inquired. "You called my cell phone over the weekend, was it something important?"
"Ah....no," Vin spoke quickly. "Everything's fine."
"I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner," the blond apologized. "I left my phone on my desk when I left Friday."
"It's okay," the sharpshooter said quietly.
"You sure?" Chris frowned and Vin could tell by the look on his face he didn't believe him. "You must have called me a dozen times."
"Everything's okay, Chris," the Texan insisted. He turned to his computer and clicked on the mouse, opening up a file. Vin could feel Larabee staring at him, and knew the blond was debating with pushing the issue, or letting it go. It was so quiet in the room, you could have heard a pin drop.
Vin looked toward the door when JD and Ezra walked in, the younger agent talking up a storm about Saturday's hockey game. To his relief, Chris turned and headed into his office, shutting the door behind him.
"You called him twelve times?" Buck whispered and Vin gave him a warning look. The older agent raised his hands in surrender, settling into his chair. He leaned toward the Texan keeping his voice low. "Word of warning, Junior. He might have given up for now, but sooner or later Chris is gonna want to know the reason you called him that many times."
"You don't know the half of it," the younger agent mumbled, pulling some papers out of his "in" tray. Larabee was going to go home tonight and discover another dozen calls to his ranch. Vin groaned at the thought. Wilmington was closer to the truth than he realized. Once Chris checked his caller ID, the senior ATF agent was going to be on a new case and the suspect Larabee would be hunting, was going to be him.
*** *** ***
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the boneBringing a hand up and rubbing the back of his neck, Vin looked around the office. Buck and Nathan had taken everyone's lunch orders and gone to Inez's place to pick them up. Ezra and Josiah had gone to talk to a couple of their witnesses, making sure their testimony was solid. JD was at his desk, checking something out on the Internet, while he was stuck writing a report for some new weapons Chris wanted to purchase. The longhaired agent loved his job, but he sure hated the paperwork.
A couple years ago, if anyone had told him he would be working here, gaining such good friends, he would have told them they were crazy. He wasn't accustomed to making lasting friendships, or for that matter, getting involved in long-term relationships. His mother had died when he was young, and he had learned after moving from foster home to foster home that friendships never lasted. As a result, he had always gotten by on his own, until he came to work here.
He had felt a connection with Chris from the first moment they met, becoming close friends quickly. Vin had felt like he could share anything with the blond and he had, including his sexual preference. Larabee had smiled and said he wondered when the shy Texan was going to get around to telling him. In time, he had told the rest of his teammates, and they had all accepted it.
For the first time in his life, Vin felt a burning need for someone that he could not let go of. He had never cared about anyone the way he did Chris. He not only wanted him physically, but he needed him emotionally. Vin did not know what would happen if the blond turned him away, but he knew there would never be anyone in his life who he would care about as much at Chris.
Vin felt a strange feeling come over him as he stared at the paper in front of him, without really seeing it. It was a familiar feeling he used to get when he lived on the street, as if one of the homeless men were watching him, preying on him. The sharpshooter looked up quickly, through the glass of Larabee's office, and his eyes met a pair of hazel ones. The Texan saw the need in those eyes and the sadness. He felt a pull so strong, that he almost got up off the chair and headed for the office door. A boisterous laugh broke the eye contact between the two and the moment was lost. Vin turned to Buck, irritated for the interruption, but yet grateful, since this wasn't the time or place to finally admit his feelings to Chris.
*** *** ***
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tightVin looked across the conference table, yawning as he looked back at Ezra. The sharply dressed agent had been assuring Chris that their witnesses were more than prepared to testify. The Texan knew how instrumental this was to locking Fontaine up for a long time, but half of the words Standish was using, he had never heard of, let alone knew what they meant. The drone of the undercover agent's smooth voice was making him sleepy, which was not surprising considering he had not slept much in the past few nights.
Looking at the blond, his eyes unconsciously focusing on Chris' mouth, Vin wondered what it would feel like to kiss those lips, to hold Chris and be held by him...
//Chris sat on the couch in his living room, his legs stretched out on a footrest. He was bare-chested, wearing a pair of black silk pajama bottoms. The room was lit with candles, and a fire flickered in the fireplace. Vin crossed the room silently, taking a drink of wine from the glass in his hand before placing it on the end table, and sat down next to him. His eyes met green ones and he leaned forward, his lips meeting Chris'.
His arms wrapped around his lover's waist and held him close as they kissed. Vin felt an ache deep inside him, a need to have this man right now. Chris lifted up his hips and started to pull his pajama bottoms down...//
"Vin."
"Mmmm...," Vin sighed, unaware that he had uttered a sound.
"Vin?"
"VIN!"
He jumped when he finally heard his name yelled and opened his eyes wide. Vin groaned, realizing that he was still in the conference room and everyone was staring at him. The guys all had grins on their faces, except for Chris who was giving him that infamous "Larabee Glare".
"Something you want to share, Tanner?" Chris asked with a growl.
"Ah....no" Vin replied, looking anywhere but at Larabee. He could feel the redness creeping up his neck. "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night." The sharpshooter winced at his words. Chris was already wondering why he had called him so much, and here he was, telling Larabee he couldn't sleep.
"Vin," the blond said sincerely, "we're all your friends. Hell, we're as close to family as you can get. If something's bothering you we want to help."
"Ain't nuthin' wrong," the Texan denied, looking down at his hands folded on his lap. "I'm fine." He shifted in his chair, relieved when Ezra started speaking again, effectively shifting the conversation back to the case.
*** *** ***
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonightHeading down the stairs back to the office, the sharpshooter checked his watch. Vin had finished his report earlier, given it to Chris, who had read it and then sent him up to Travis' office with it. Travis told the young agent he needed to wait a few minutes for some paperwork he wanted Larabee to take home with him. What Travis referred to as minutes, ended up being almost an hour and half.
He entered the office and got about halfway across the room when he realized everyone was gone. Larabee's office was dark and the door was closed. "Shit!" he swore out loud, looking down at the papers in his hand. Travis had insisted that Chris had to have them before he left for the day. "Now what the hell am I supposed to do with them?" he grumbled.
The phone rang, making him laugh at the thought that someone could hear him.
"ATF, Tanner," Vin answered, hoping this wasn't something that was going to keep him at the office longer. All he wanted to do was go home, and try to get some much-needed sleep.
"Vin," Chris said and the younger agent could hear relief in the blond's voice. "I was hoping I'd catch you."
"I was just getting' ready to leave," the sharpshooter informed him. "I got some papers Travis wanted ya' to have. I'll put em' on yer desk."
"That's why I called," Chris replied. "I need you to bring them out to the ranch."
"Now!" Vin exclaimed. "I'm tired and I gotta------"
"Tanner," the voice on the other end of the phone brooked no argument, "I promised Travis I would go over them tonight. With the truck out of commission I don't have a way to get back to town."
"All right," the Texan agreed reluctantly. "I'm on my way."
An hour later, he got out of his jeep, papers in hand, and headed into Chris' house. He called the blond's name, frowning when he didn't get an answer. "Hello!" Vin yelled, dropping the folder on the entry table and headed down the hallway toward Larabee's bedroom, once more calling his name. "Chris!"
"In here, Vin," his friend answered, walking out of the master bedroom, toweling dry his hair. "Sorry, I just got out of the shower, and didn't hear you come in."
"That's okay," Tanner assured him as they walked back down the hallway. He gestured toward the table. "There's the folder from Travis. I'm gonna' head home, I'm kinda' tired."
"You do look beat," Chris agreed. "Why don't' you stay the night?"
"Here?" Vin panicked, feeling Chris' gaze studying him intently. "I can't----I have to----" He hedged, frantically trying to think of some legitimate reason he had to leave.
"You have to what?" the blond challenged him. "It's already late and we both have to work tomorrow. This way, no one will have to come back after me in the morning."
Vin sighed, knowing that Larabee had a strong case and he could not refuse without making the blond suspicious. "Okay."
"I'll give Buck a call and let him know I don't need a ride," Chris said. Reaching for the phone he glanced at his answering machine, and moved his hand to press the play button. "Nineteen messages! I better check and see who called."
"Don't!" Vin urged, placing a hand over his friend's.
"Vin," Larabee replied, his eyes narrowing. "What's wrong with you? It might be something important."
"Trust me," Tanner answered quietly. "It ain't."
"How do you kno---?" The sharpshooter could tell by the expression on Chris' face that he had figured out the answer by himself. "They're from you, aren't they?"
"Chris, I---" Vin started to explain only to be interrupted by the blond.
"Why?" Chris demanded. "And don't give me the same bullshit answer you did at the office!"
"Forget it!" Tanner shot back, feeling trapped. He headed for the door, but the blond stepped in his path, blocking him. "Get outta my way, Chris," he threatened.
"Not a chance, Cowboy. You aren't leaving until I get some answers," Larabee declared. He folded his arms, and leaned against the door with that familiar look on his face, that said he was not going to let the sharpshooter walk away. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, I think you need to tell me."
Vin avoided the piercing gaze, jerking when he felt Chris' hand on his shoulder. He looked up and into those hazel eyes, and knew he was lost. He had waited way too long. It was time to tell Chris, tonight. He slowly nodded. "You're right, but maybe we should go in the living room an' sit down."
Chris nodded and they headed into the living room. Vin sat down, taking a moment to collect his thoughts while Chris walked to the window.
"This seemed much easier when I was callin' you," the sharpshooter admitted. He suddenly felt tongue tied, all those things that he wanted to say, and had rehearsed a dozen times, went out of his mind.
"Would it make it easier if I went first?" Chris asked quietly. He stood near the window, facing Vin. "I had a lot of time to think while I was sitting in that jail."
"About what?" Vin asked. He knew he was putting off the inevitable, but maybe by the time Chris was done, he wouldn't be so nervous.
"You," Chris replied. "I haven't been honest about a lot of things. Instead of coming to you and being upfront, I---," he hesitated a moment, taking a breath, "I avoided you, kept you at a distance."
The Texan waited impatiently for the blond to continue. "I noticed. You gonna tell me why?"
"I don't' know, maybe I felt safer." Larabee walked across the room, nearer to the sharpshooter but did not sit down. He shook his head. "That's not true, I do know."
Vin looked at him, seeing the hesitation in his eyes, along with the fear. He could not remember a time he had ever seen Chris afraid of anything.
"When I lost Sarah and Adam I swore I could never love that way again."
"Chris, ya don't have to explain." Vin could not stand seeing the anguish on his friend's face.
"I was wrong," Chris whispered softly, and the sharpshooter felt a flicker of hope at the light in the blond's eyes. "You've been my best friend for so long, when I realized I had feelings for you other than brotherly, I backed off. I----I ---was scared of getting too close, of losing someone again." The blond sat down on the couch, still leaving some distance between the two of them.
Vin knew it took a lot for Chris to bare his heart and soul like that. It felt good to know that the blond trusted him enough to share this with him.
"I think, I knew there was something more than friendship for me the first time I saw you," Vin said quietly, surprised that the words were now coming easily. "But I also knew you'd been married, and I was pretty sure you wouldn't give me a second thought, so I made sure you never had a clue how I felt."
"You did a good job," Chris admitted. "I never would have guessed."
"This weekend I decided to tell you," Vin confessed. "That's why I called."
"What changed your mind?" Chris asked, curious.
"I'd like to say that I was willing to take the risk," the sharpshooter replied honestly. "But the truth is, as much as I want more with you," he paused a moment and continued, "I don't want to lose your friendship."
"Then why call me?" the blond pressed. His eyebrows were narrowed and he had that determined look on his face.
"Confession time," Vin laughed nervously. "I took Buck home from the bar Friday night and...."
"He told you I was interested in you," Chris finished with a hint of irritation.
"Don't be mad at him," Vin urged. "He knows how I feel an' he just wanted to help."
"And how do you feel?"
"You sure you want to hear it?" Tanner asked uncertain. Now that the moment of truth had come, he wanted to run. What if this blew up in his face? What if he misunderstood what Chris meant, or if all the blond wanted was to see what it was like with another man?
"I'm sure," his friend replied and when Vin looked into Chris' eyes he saw something he had not seen before.
"I love you, Cowboy," the sharpshooter whispered, his blue eyes staring into the hazel ones.
"Not half as much as I love you," Larabee declared. He pulled Vin into his arms and kissed him deeply. "God, Vin! How could we have been so blind?"
The Texan returned the kiss, and could tell by the way Chris was holding onto him, that his friend was afraid of letting go. He knew Chris feared that he might bolt.
"We can take things slowly," Tanner assured him reluctantly. He didn't know how he was going to keep from jumping Chris' bones, but he did not want to scare him away.
"How slowly?" Larabee growled. Vin was confused at the look of disappointment in his eyes.
"Chris," Vin began. "I know this is new to ya' and I-----" His words were cut off as the blond kissed him once more.
"I have a confession to make," Chris said quietly. "I'm not as innocent as you think."
Frowning, "But you were married to Sarah," Tanner argued.
"When I was in high school, there was a guy," Larabee confessed. "And a couple while I was in the service." Vin stared at him in shock as the blond continued. "When I met Sarah, I fell for her, I doubt there was a man who met her who didn't. We married within two months of meeting, and Adam was born the following spring. When they died, I thought I would never be alive again." He smiled sadly, and the Texan could see the memories in his eyes. "A part of me will always love her, but the difference is, though I loved Sarah, I'm in love with you."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Vin asked. He reached out with his hands, starting to pull Chris' shirt up.
"I want to do this right," the blond protested. He stood up and pulled Vin with him. "The first time we make love, I want it to be in my bedroom, on a nice comfortable bed, not the living room floor."
*** *** ***
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
AloneVin groaned at the sound coming from the radio. He hated waking up to music, and silently cursed the person who had changed his alarm clock to go off playing songs from that popular Eighties station in town.
Keeping his eyes closed, hoping to recapture the dream he had had last night, he reached out instinctively to hit the snooze. He wanted the moment to last, for in his dream, Chris had confessed to loving him and he had finally shared his love for the blond. They had spent the rest of the night in Larabee's bed, proving to each other how much they cared, making passionate love, holding each other, talking and finally, falling asleep in each other's arms. Instead of hitting the snooze bar, he grabbed nothing but air.
Bewildered, he sat up and running a hand over his face, opened his eyes, blinking as he realized it was not a dream. He was in Chris' bedroom, in his bed. He could hear the shower running and a smile crept onto his lips. He got off the bed and headed for the bathroom.
Vin paused as he heard the words to a familiar song. It was the one he had heard just the day before and had felt so "in tune" with. It was funny how yesterday he was positive that his secret would stay his own and his love for the blond would remain unknown.
But today, there were no more secrets. Their love for each other was out in the open and Vin no longer had to worry about how to get Chris alone, he had him right where he wanted.
The End