Okay, so there's these piranha, right? The Dreaded Southwestern Flying
Grizzly Piranha attacking residents of Four Corners.
Chris and Vin exchange That Look. Just as the lead piranha, Top Fin Bob,
lunges for Chris, Vin pops up in the way. Vin's hit! He's taken a piranha for
Chris. He's bleeding like a guy who's been bit by a piranha. Chris is sitting
beside him, crying and holding his hand...
"Don't die on me!"
"I won't, Cowboy, " whispers the Tracker, looking up at him with
pain-filled blue eyes. "I'm too ornery to die."
"That's MY line!" Chris growls at the younger man.
Buck asks if there were any lady piranhas. "What a way to go," he
says.
"Death by Lady Killers."
Nathan worked with a sturgeon during the war and he tries to patch Vin, but
there isn't enough duct tape. Nurse Mary hands him his healing tools.
"Knife...knife...knife...Super Glue...bubble gum...duct tape..."
"We're outta duct tape."
"We can't be outta duct tape! How am I supposed to patch this man
without duct tape?"
"Will a staple gun do?"
"Gotta be duct tape. A rare South American type...I don't even know what
it looks like so I won't bother to describe it to you. But I've heard of
it."
Ezra, however, knows some strange Chinese procedure used by the Beijing
Aquarium. It MAY save Vin's life. "Quick!" shouts the Gambler.
"To the MagMobile!" Chris gives him an icy stare. "I mean the ATF
helicopter, of course."
+ + + + + + +
Josiah's already waitin' for them. God told him they'd be coming. Or maybe it
was a dog. (Josiah's no good at riddles. But he likes knock-knock jokes.)
They helicopter over the Pacific--Josiah's flyin' on a wing and a prayer,
after all. And they land by the Beijing Aquarium. Ezra persuades Dr. Li-Pong,
marine biologist and part-time sushi chef, to accompany them back to the States
by giving her eleven dollars and a picture postcard of San Francisco. And off
they go.
When they get to the hospital, the 7-foot night nurse and ex-figure skater is
artfully blocking their path. "You can't go in there!" She swings
wildly and clocks JD. He goes down. The ex-figure skater has a swing like Tonya
Harding. Buck clocks her one and all the guys go loping down the hall, dragging
Li-Pong with them in true Michael-Biehn-action-movie style.
They arrive just in time. Vin is already seein' Elvis. Just as he's askin'
the King for a chorus of "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love," Dr. Li-Pong whips
out her Ancient Chinese Secret--(no, not THAT)--a very potent medicinal tartar
sauce usually reserved for fish served with limp noodles. She applies it to the
wound, the guys sobbin' all the while.
Chris looks at her, a swirl of emotions in his green/blue kaleidoscope eyes.
"Doc, we're losin' 'im. One more chorus of 'Jailhouse Rock' and it'll be
too late."
JD looks up in wretched agony. "You mean he'll die?" He blinks back
tears.
"No. He won't be allowed to kareoke at the next office Christmas
party."
Buck has an arm around JD. He puts his handkerchief against JD's nose.
"Blow," he says.
Vin wakes up as Chris brushes Vin's hair out of his eyes.
"Hey, Cowboy."
All the guys do a Big Happy Dance in Vin's hospital room.
The End
