The Gift

Movement wasn't even an option. God, JD hurt so bad. He'd awoken face down in the dirt, breathless and parched, flaming bursts of agony pinning him to the sand with every breath he took and with every twitch of a muscle. He knew he was bleeding. He felt sticky. Not sweat sticky, although he was sure he'd be feeling that discomfort too, if the pain wasn't overshadowing it and just about everything else right then. His head was pounding out a rhythm, reminding him repeatedly that he'd messed up again. He'd messed up again. He'd messed up again.

If only he could remember what had happened, but he honestly had no idea. All he knew was that he was hurt. . .

And Buck was gonna kill 'im.

---

"Well, Mr. Sanchez. What brings you back to our humble hamlet so soon?" Ezra Standish quirked an eyebrow, as the very hot and trail-weary peacekeeper took up residence in the chair he'd just yanked out from beneath Buck Wilmington's still thudding boots.

"Hey, Josiah," Wilmington beamed and followed up his greeting with an elbow to Josiah's ribs. "Bet ole Tastanagi chased you off that rock for trying to save one of his daughter's souls, now didn't he? C'mon. You can tell us," he laughed. Unlike most men intimidated by Sanchez' girth as much as his temper, Wilmington enjoyed mercilessly teasing the ex-preacher about his exploits with women damn near as much as he enjoyed teasing the youngest member of their group about practically anything.

Not really expecting a rebuttal from Sanchez, aside from the evil glare which would freeze most men in their tracks, Wilmington's attention was fixed on the entrance to the saloon. He was anticipating the arrival of that same junior member of their group, his best friend JD Dunne, along with that of Nathan Jackson, the third member of the riding party that had left Four Corners just before dawn.

Evil glare notwithstanding, Sanchez ignored Wilmington's jibes and took a long swallow of the beer proffered him by Inez Recillos, saloon manager.

"Nah, Buck." The big man took another pull on the bottle, very nearly draining it this time. "Didn't want to leave you short-handed with Chris and Vin still in Eagle Bend. Some of the village young'uns are sprouting fevers and Nathan's gonna stay on a few days to make sure they're all right."

Ezra Standish's usually unreadable face displayed genuine concern as he set his ever-present playing cards down and leaned across the table towards Josiah. "Good Lord. Are they going to recover?"

Sanchez tried to hide his satisfied smile as he witnessed the brief transformation of Ezra Standish gambler-loner to Ezra Standish lover and protector of children. "Nate's not too worried, Ezra. Figures they might just have themselves some colds, but he wants to stay and keep an eye on things out there for a few days. If the Lord's willin' and with Nate's help, I expect they should be fine."

The men seated around the table sobered for a moment, concern for the Seminole children evident on all their faces.

Buck continued to gaze out the swinging doors of the saloon, his thoughts turning to another kid -- JD. "Say, Josiah? JD didn't stay out there to help Nate now, did he?" The worry for the boy's safety was evident in the big man's uncharacteristic soft voice.

"JD?" Josiah cocked his head in confusion.

"Yeah, JD. You know. . .knee high to a grasshopper, wears a funny hat. That JD." Despite Buck's attempt at humor, an increasingly ominous feeling was working its way into his gut.

The feeling of dread was creeping its way into Sanchez and Standish's thoughts as well. "Buck, JD never came along. We weren't ten minutes from town when his horse pulled up lame. You know him and horses, he got off her right away and walked her back here to town. That's the last I saw of 'im."

A sense of doom was now working its way up Wilmington's spine as his concern for the boy continued to grow. "Hell, I know that Josiah. He turned up here 'bout a half hour after you all left, lookin' sadder than a puppy done lost its playmate."

Despite Standish's own concern for JD's whereabouts, and in an effort to settle Buck's undoubtedly surging panic, he interrupted Wilmington's story to throw in some good-natured digs of his own. "And we all know how easily our Mr. Wilmington succumbs to the whims and fancies of puppies. Needless to say, armed with only a pout, our adolescent cohort was not only able to obtain the seat of Mr. Wilmington's majestic steed, but also have his mentor ready the mount for him in an effort to expedite his departure."

"Hell, Ezra, you make it sound like I fell over backwards to give the boy my horse. . ."

"If the proverbial shoe fits, Buck. . ."

"Now that ain't true at all. I lectured that boy up one side and down the other about that horse, which is why I went over to the livery with him in the first place. Just 'cause he can ride better than the rest of ya, don't mean he doesn't need reminding that every horse ain't the same. 'Sides. . .that mare's special. She don't let just anybody ride her. . ."

And with that unsettling thought reminding him that JD was indeed missing, Buck Wilmington slapped his hand down on the table and shoved away from his friends. "Damn that kid!"

---

JD lay unmoving, trying to will his body to shift its position. He'd barely moved a muscle since whatever happened had happened and he was getting damn tired of inhaling the sand and dust that was persistently clinging to his parched lips. When he'd tried to move his left arm, the resultant stabbing pain almost sent him reeling into unconsciousness yet again. He'd figured it was busted and that maybe his ribs were, too. His head still hurt like hell, and he knew now that most of his blood loss was coming from there. His left eye had literally burned from the blood seeping into it, but that problem had since been rectified. . .the eye was swollen shut. His hair, too, was encrusted to his face and the bitter taste of blood and sweat had trailed its way to JD's lips, despite the fact that he was still lying prone in the dirt.

JD knew he had to try to move. The sun's relentless heat was sucking away at his own body's fluids. He was still sweating . . . Nathan would say that was good. But the sun's rays were getting more intense and yet he didn't think he was sweating as much as he had been. Nathan wouldn't be too pleased about that. He had to find shade and water. If he didn't, he'd die out there. . .wherever in hell 'there' was.

Once more the young man tried to pull his legs up underneath him, to find the purchase to help him rise, but, like the other times, his knees screamed from the effort and he had to give up. He knew his legs weren't broken, he 'could' move them after all, but the pain that radiated from them into his back and ribs with each muscle twitch was more than he could bear. JD cried out from the effort, and from frustration, and desperately tried not to give into the tears that were fighting their way out of his one good eye.

He squeezed his eye shut and lay panting from his struggles, but slowly his breathing began to settle and he felt himself begin to slip into the darkness once more. . .

So how come he could still hear heavy breathing?

JD's heart skipped a beat. The breaths were rapid, heavy -- like a steam engine straining to take its first mile. It didn't sound human. And it was coming from right beside him. Whatever was breathing hard, was right there!

Oh, God!

With a wildly thumping heart, JD groaned as he slid his right hand under his hips and grappled to find his sidearm. Another groan accompanied its removal from his holster, but slowly, painfully he brought his arm out in front of him.

JD strained to turn his head towards the source of the sound.

"Oh, God no!" JD choked out a prayer.

It was Lady. And she was down.

---

Two riders sat on their mounts, looking off into the vast hills concealing the Seminole village. A third was on the ground, searching for tracks.

"Anything, Vin?" Chris Larabee was nervous. Thankful that he and Vin had come home a day early, and yet immensely regretful that the Seven were in need of Vin Tanner's tracking skills at all. He hated leaving the town in only Ezra's and Josiah's hands, but JD was in trouble. He was sure of it. The only thing preventing him from expressing his own fears was the heart-wrenching despair written all over his oldest friend's face. Hell, if Chris' fear was this intense, he could only imagine the torment Buck was suffering.

JD would've been less than an hour behind Nathan and Josiah following them to the Seminole village. Less than that if he took his short cut . . . the canyon rim, an almost certainty where the boy was concerned. It was quicker and a damn sight prettier, reasons enough for JD to always use it. Either way he would've caught up to his friends at the village long before Josiah had headed for home. No question the damn fool kid found trouble again. The only question was. . .how bad was his trouble?

"No good, Chris. Everythin's dried up like a prune out here. Can't tell which way he took. . ."

"Damn, Vin. You know that kid took the high road. JD don't do anythin' the easy way." Wilmington looked searchingly at Tanner and then shifted his worried gaze to Larabee. "C'mon, you know him, pard. That boy took the rim." Buck tried to keep the worry out of his voice. He needed to stay calm, for his sake. For JD. It was hotter than Hades out there and JD was in trouble. He was sure of it. They had to find him fast and get him on home.

"Buck. We don't know that JD took the ridge." Larabee waved off his friend's protest. "Hell, I know he probably did, but without tracks, we don't know for sure. Best we split up." He turned serious eyes to his best friend. "Vin, you and Buck take the rim. I'll take the low road. If we don't meet up at the village, I'll pick up Nathan there and come and find you. Send up a signal if you find him."

Before spurring his black onwards, Larabee turned compassionate eyes to his old friend. "We'll find him in time, Buck. We'll find him."

---

At the sight of Buck Wilmington's gray mare lying on the ground next to him, JD was struck by the tidal wave of memories crashing into him. . . His own bay turning up lame. His walk back to Four Corners. Buck's worried look as JD walked into the saloon. . .

 

~~~"You all right?"

"Fine, Buck."

"Then why the long face?"

Buck's expression of genuine concern rapidly changed to amusement as JD explained how his bay had gone lame just minutes outside of town and that he couldn't ride out to the village along with Nathan and Josiah.

"Hell, JD. No big deal. You can ride out there some other time. Reckon I could even go with ya. . ."

"No!" JD answered too quickly. Buck couldn't come along with him, of course. Not when JD was picking up the bridle Rain was making for him from the leather JD had bought in Red Fork. The bridle was for Buck, to match the new saddle he'd bought in Eagle Bend two months earlier. Not only did Buck's old bridle not match the new saddle, it looked plumb stupid in JD's opinion, but Buck was too stubborn to pay for a new bridle when the one he had was still perfectly good. But JD still thought it looked plain dumb. Besides, after his last visit to the village and seeing the leather-work that Rain could do, JD decided it was high time to get Buck a birthday present, even if he didn't know when exactly Buck's birthday was.

What the gift really was, of course, was a thank-you. JD'd been riding with the Seven just shy of a year and the boy knew without a doubt that were it not for Buck's decision to take JD under his wing, he'd've wound up dead. The other guys cared, but they'd pretty much let JD be back then, whereas Buck had come forward and taken a real interest in his survival. It had taken JD a long time to readily admit to that fact, but he knew in his heart that it was a fact. Damned if JD would ever understand why Buck took that step, but the kid was mighty grateful.

He owed Buck Wilmington his life and he knew it. So the least he could do was get his newfound big brother a birthday present, and without knowing Buck's birth date, the Seven's anniversary was as good a date as any to use as a substitute.

Despite JD's suspiciously quick 'no,' Buck backed off, deciding that he had plenty of time to get to the bottom of JD's secrecy. The kid was damn depressed, though. With Yosemite's rental horses either already taken or due for shoeing, the boy didn't have another ride of his own. And. . .knowing JD, the boy wouldn't want to take any of those nags out to the village, anyway. No matter how much he wanted to get out to the village, and no matter how well he could ride, the trip wasn't an easy one and Buck knew the boy simply hated riding an inferior horse.

Of course all JD had to do was simply ask one of his friends if he could borrow their horse, but no, Buck knew that JD was too prideful to do that. After all, the damn dime novels the kid constantly ate up made it perfectly clear that a man had to be able to take care of himself out there in the wild west. A fact Buck Wilmington wouldn't argue.

'Course a man ought to know that asking a friend for help weren't no crime at all neither. The kid hadn't figured that one out yet, and Buck . . . being Buck . . . thought he'd let the kid stew for a bit before he taught him that lesson.

He'd come through for the boy, though . . . eventually.

"My, my. Salutations, Mr. Dunne. I was under the distinct impression that you would not be joining us in our civic responsibilities today and that you and Misters Sanchez and Jackson had planned a philanthropic visit to our native friends in the hills."

JD's face was long and getting longer. Being reminded of the fact that he couldn't go and pick up the bridle was rapidly putting JD into an uncharacteristic foul mood. He knew he and Buck were scheduled to ride out to Eagle Bend in the next couple of days, and by the time he'd get the chance to go back out to the village, his one year anniversary with the Seven would've come and gone. Hell, he knew none of the other guys woulda noticed, but JD knew it. And that's all that mattered. "Dang horse broke down on me just outside of town. Can't go," he snapped.

"Oh, come on, JD. It ain't that bad, son." Buck was laying it on thick, trying to goad his sidekick out of his gloom and back into his usual exuberant self.

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one who wanted to get out there!"

Buck had just about had enough of his young friend's attitude and decided not to prolong it any further. Even though he was still curious to find out why the kid was so all fired up about getting out to the village, he decided it was high time to give in and offer the kid his mare. Besides, he just hated to see the kid miserable. "Oh, all right!" Wilmington feigned disgust and slapped his change down on the table. "Ezra, get me another beer while I go get JD saddled up on my horse. It's gonna be about as much fun as a prayer meetin' 'round here, unless we get this boy on his way."

Buck winked at Ezra, who upon being blinded by JD's grin, touched the brim of his hat in approval of Buck's anticipated gesture.

"You'll let me ride Lady?"

Buck cringed, and Ezra couldn't help but catch Buck's reaction to JD's question. And, despite Buck's good intentions, he couldn't let a golden opportunity to abuse Buck Wilmington just pass him by either. "Mr. Wilmington, correct me if I'm mistaken. Do I not recall many months ago, while sitting in this very establishment, you expounding your great wisdom to our young friend about the folly in applying a moniker to one's mount?" Ezra's satisfied grin would rival that of the infamous canary-eating cat.

JD reveled at the obvious embarrassment Ezra's words were causing his mentor. Buck was actually speechless and JD couldn't contain his laughter.

Ezra cleared his throat. "Now, allow me to ponder this for a moment." Ezra plastered a most serious look on his face. "Ah, yes. . .I do recall. . ." Ezra got up from his seat and with exaggerated flourish, threw an arm over JD's shoulder. Speaking in his best imitation of Buck Wilmington's drawl, he continued. "Son. . .where's there's livestock, there's dead stock and you never know just when your livestock is gonna become supper." The gambler flashed a wink and golden tooth at JD. "Isn't that true, Mr. Wilmington?"

Buck composed himself and huffed. "Damn right. Them's words to live by, Ezra."

"And yet, young JD has just referred to your gray as Lady. Has he not?"

Buck faltered for a moment, knowing he was trapped. "Well. . . Well. . .that's. . . Aw, hell. She's just different 's all."~~~

 

JD struggled to lift his head. Lady was down and, along with that sickening realization, JD's memory of the events leading to this latest disaster had returned in full.

He hadn't ridden Lady hard. After all, Buck had reminded him. . .unnecessarily, mind you. . .that his mare was no young whippersnapper like his own horse. And, just like any lady, Buck's 'Lady' was to be treated with respect. She'd been with Buck since JD was still in short pants, after all. And she'd been there, steady as always, to help get Buck out of plenty an ugly situation. Hell, Lady was even the first horse little Adam Larabee had ridden, since Chris had promised his little boy his very first horse ride the same day he promptly hurt his back getting bucked off a horse. Uncle Buck obliged of course, and little Adam got his ride. And from that day forward, Lady was Adam's favorite horse.

And even though JD knew Buck wasn't really serious when he told him he'd sooner trade in JD than he would trade in his horse, JD knew that Buck's horse was more than just livestock to Buck. A hell of a lot more.

Lady was Buck's friend.

And Lady's cannon bone was shattered.

No, JD hadn't ridden her hard at all. But he did choose to take his usual route -- along the canyon rim, rather than taking the much slower flatlands route that the rest of the Seven always traveled. Hell, Lady was an excellent mount and JD had ridden her plenty of times, leastways while Buck was around. JD had been certain that Lady could handle the rocky terrain, and just as he thought, she had handled it beautifully.

That is, until a rattler had spooked her. JD had barely had time to hold on, let alone gain control. In the second that the snake rattled its tail from within a gap in the rocks right beside Lady's head, the mare sidestepped and lost her footing.

JD remembered that moment of terror as he and Lady found themselves no longer on solid ground, but rather careening down along the side of a cliff. In a heartbeat they were in mid-air. And in another heartbeat, everything had gone black.

"Oh, God. Lady." The instant that JD realized that Lady was in trouble, he forgot his own injuries and struggled to get up and go to her. Never quite making it up off his knees, JD lurched towards the mare, and fell alongside her shuddering neck.

The image before JD was heartbreaking. JD didn't know how long he and Lady had been lying there at the base of the cliff, but unlike himself, who had been blessed with the oblivion of unconsciousness, Lady had undoubtedly been lying there in pain for hours. JD could plainly see that she had tried to move. The sand was etched with her blood and the imprints of her struggles. Lady's eyes were glazed and wild and she was blowing so very hard. She had to be in so much pain.

JD could feel his heart begin to shatter. The boy knew what he had to do.

With a tender touch, born from a natural love for all God's living creatures, JD placed his right hand on Lady's neck and gently began to stroke her and talk to her. No matter how often he'd suffered beatings at the hands of the older stablemen for his so-called transgressions of over-feeding or treating the older horses to extra apples and carrots, JD never once blamed the horses in his care. And his affinity and respect for them had never faltered.

With tears pouring down his cheeks, the boy lifted and readied his Colt. His left arm was hanging limp and useless and sorrow filled his heart as the boy realized he couldn't continue soothing her and hold his gun at the same time. So he laid his head down against her neck and continued to stroke her with the back of the very same hand holding his gun. Until he found the spot.

With an agonized sob, JD said his goodbye. "I'm so sorry, Lady."

"I'm so sorry, Buck."

The gunshot echoed around the canyon walls and succeeded in its mission. And it succeeded also in shattering a kid's heart.

JD hadn't felt such pain. Not since his mother died. It wasn't so much the pain of his loss this time, although he'd miss the mare terribly. No, JD's pain was that of his failure and betrayal. He'd let Lady down. And he'd let Buck down.

"Oh, Buck," he whimpered. Buck Wilmington had so little to call his own, and now his so-called 'best friend' had just destroyed something of his that was so beautiful that practically symbolized him. . .something that represented his past and his present.

As he allowed his gun to fall from his grip, JD closed his eyes to this devastating nightmare and settled against Lady's neck. How could he have failed Buck so completely? How could he have messed up so bad?

"I'm sorry."

---

"Easy, Buck! This way!"

Having been following JD's newly discovered tracks along the canyon ridge, Buck and Vin both heard the ominous gunshot. Their hearts plummeted at the sound. Vin took the lead, knowing that if Buck got ahead of him along the trail, he'd ride much too fast and end up as a casualty along the base of the gully.

No matter how much Vin Tanner wanted to rush in to discover the source of the single gunshot, he knew he'd have to pace himself and his reckless friend. They wouldn't do themselves or JD any good if they wound up flat as pancakes at the bottom of the ravine.

Working their way cautiously along the narrow trail, Tanner pulled up short as he noticed that the ground just ahead of him had been significantly disturbed. "Hold up, Buck." Vin attempted to contain his stewing emotions as he felt the dread in his heart climb into his throat.

"What'd you find, Vin?" Never one to be patient, especially when he was worried about JD, Buck followed the tracker to his point of inspection.

Vin could feel the blood rushing into his head as he desperately tried to fight the fear encompassing his entire being. JD's tracks had led straight to this area of greatly disturbed earth and then they simply disappeared. . .off to the side. He swallowed hard as he saw Buck's shadow fall into view in front of him, and as he felt the big man's hand leaning on his shoulder.

"Oh my God." Buck's oath was a whisper. It didn't take a tracker of Vin Tanner's talent to figure out what they were looking at.

Wilmington straightened up and stepped much too quickly towards the edge of the cliff. Taking in the horrifying image beneath him, his body almost wilted just as both of Tanner's arms grasped him around his chest. "JD!!! Oh, God. JD!!"

JD and Buck's horse were lying in an unmoving heap far below at the bottom of the ravine. Wilmington was frantic, but the much smaller Tanner, though clearly devastated, knew it was up to him to keep his head and hold on to Buck. The tracker knew without a doubt that in order to get to the kid as quickly as possible, Buck wouldn't hesitate taking the shortest route and jumping off the cliff to get there. "C'mon, Bucklin. We gotta ride down there. We gotta go!" He struggled to pull Buck away from the ledge.

Vin's urgent tone along with a hint of logic found their way into Buck's terrified soul. Eyes wide with fear, hands clenched in white-knuckled fists, Buck whispered, "All right. I'm all right. Let's just get down there. . .quick."

This time Tanner was unable to prevent Buck's reckless descent along the trail, but thankfully, Wilmington and his borrowed horse made it down to ground level without incident. Tanner followed close at Buck's heels, but as he watched his frantic friend run and collapse at JD's side and then gather the boy in his arms, the tracker turned and walked away. If the kid was alive, Buck was everything he needed, and. . .if the kid wasn't. . .well, he'd leave Buck alone with his little brother.

Tanner returned to higher ground and fired his gun three times. Chris would hear his signal, and he and Nathan would come.

He only hoped that it was JD, and not Buck, who would need their help.

---

Buck had never felt so completely out of control. And, not since the fire, had he felt such fear. Dear God. Seeing JD lying so still at the bottom of the canyon stole Buck's breath, and stole years from his life that he knew he'd never get back. He couldn't even remember riding the borrowed gelding hell-bent for leather down the path leading to the base of the trail. He had only one thought -- one mission -- getting to JD. Everything else was a blur.

He'd screamed JD's name as he dismounted, all the way down the path -- truth be told, although he wasn't aware that he'd done so. He was running on instinct. Seconds seemed like hours, but when he finally reached the side of the fallen boy, time stopped. His knees buckling beneath him, Buck collapsed next to JD and immediately, though with an infinitely gentle touch, pulled him into his arms and against his chest.

Nathan's words of caution be damned, Buck needed to hold on to JD, and hold on he did -- for dear life.

The boy was unconscious, but breathing steadily, yet Buck still fumbled to find his pulse, buried under the unruly black hair adhered by blood, sweat and dirt to the boy's neck and throat. He needed that additional assurance that proved to him that JD was indeed alive. "He's alive," Buck absently called out to Vin, but never looked away from the boy's face to confirm if the tracker had even heard him, nor did he see his friend slump -- utterly relieved -- against a boulder. Vin wasn't important. Only JD mattered.

"Hang on, son. I'm here. Buck's here." The boy's skin was blotchy, testimony to the intensity of the sun's rays that had been beating down on him for God knows how long. And JD's face was covered in blood. Buck pulled off his bandana and poured precious water onto it from the canteen that somehow magically appeared next to him. He looked up for a moment, to give Vin his thanks, but the tracker had already resumed his distant vigil, waiting for Chris and Nathan. Tenderly wiping the boy's bloodied brow, Buck felt his insides churn. Caked brown blood regenerated to its natural scarlet glory and smeared across the boy's face before finally, mercifully, disappearing altogether, allowing the large gash above JD's left eye to open up and reveal itself. Buck had no idea how serious the wound was, but he knew he had to curb the bleeding. Tearing a strip of cloth from his own shirt, he created a makeshift bandage for the wound. Nathan would be there soon to take better care of it. Thank God.

During his ministrations, the boy lay limp and unaware in Buck's arms, but the gunslinger was thankful in part for JD's oblivion. It meant the boy was equally unaware of the awkward angle his left arm had found. Despite JD's unconsciousness, Buck continued a steady stream of familiar banter. . .telling him that everything was going to be okay, that he was safe and that Buck was there to look after him.

Buck froze for a moment, as a pitiful moan escaped the boy's lips. Anxious awareness struck him and he wondered if he was hurting JD in any way by holding on so fiercely. But when the kid settled again in his arms, he felt vindicated. No amount of rationale could defeat his own need to be there; nor overcome the profound feeling in his gut that told him that JD needed him there, too -- to be close and to comfort him while he was hurting.

The kid was still out, but getting restless, so Buck gently settled the boy in his lap, pillowing JD's head against his chest and wrapping strong arms around him to keep him still. Pulling another bandanna from his jacket pocket, Buck poured water into it and then squeezed dribbles of the liquid onto JD's scorched lips.

Buck's heart filled with hope as he watched the boy slowly but surely begin to suck at the cloth and swallow the minute amounts of water being offered to him.

"That's it, kid. You drink up, son. You're doin' just fine." Buck's words, though whisper soft, were full of faith and conviction. He had to believe that if JD was waking up, he was going to be all right.

"Buck?" His throat parched, the kid could barely choke out his best friend's name.

"I'm here, kid. Right here." The big man sighed with immense relief as JD continued to come around. He rested a feather-light touch against the boy's cheek.

Worry wrestled with his relief, and as he watched the teen struggle to open his eyes, Buck gently cupped his hand over the left one. "Hey, kid. Don't work so hard, now. You got one hell of a shiner there, so why don't you just keep that left eye 'a yours shut, okay?"

The boy grimaced, but stilled his efforts. "'Kay." That eye was simply much too swollen for him to even try to see out of anyway, even if he had the energy to expend on the effort. His right lashes continued to flutter though as JD tried to will his body to cooperate. He had to see Buck. . .he had to face him.

Finally one hazel sliver peered through ebony lashes, and Buck smiled when he saw the recognition in the boy's lone good eye. "Well, hey there, kid. You take it easy, now. Nathan's on his way and we'll all take good care of you."

Buck tensed as he felt JD shift and strain against his arms, and the resulting gasp from the effort and agony made him hold the boy tighter. "Easy kid, easy. No need to be moving around, now. I gotcha."

Despite the intense throbbing in his skull, JD shook his head and continued to squirm in his friend's grip. He needed to tell Buck about Lady. To tell him how sorry he was. The boy swallowed a choking sob, and Buck felt the kid grasp the front of his shirt. Not only was the kid hurt, he seemed really upset about something. "No, Buck. Lady." At the boy's distraught cry, Buck suddenly remembered the horse that he had pulled JD away from. Oh, shit. His heart sank. Lady was dead.

Not wanting to upset JD further, Buck did the only thing he could do -- he lied. "'S'all right, son. Lady's fine, kid. She's just fine."

"No!" The boy shouted and then hissed, his injured body unable to handle his protest. JD's attempt to sit up was weak at best, and he clung desperately to Buck's shirt for support.

"Settle down, son. It's okay, JD. Everything's fine." The gunslinger looked into the distraught kid's face and watched as JD gave in to the terror and grief of what he'd been through. Drawing the boy into an even tighter embrace, he held the boy close as he felt the small form become overcome with quiet sobs.

JD had made one last attempt to struggle against his best friend's hold, but finally melted into his protective arms, and murmured against his chest, "'Nothin's fine. I'm so sorry, Buck. 'M sorry."

As he felt the kid settle a bit in his arms, Buck allowed himself to look back at the mare he'd ridden for the past eight years. He felt the loss -- couldn't help it -- but the relief and joy in having JD still alive in his arms far and away outweighed any amount of sorrow he'd feel for Lady's loss. He felt worse knowing that JD would somehow come up with a way to feel guilty about this -- to blame himself. The kid had suffered enough grief for two lifetimes as far as Wilmington was concerned.

Looking back once more at his gray, Buck suddenly understood how great JD's pain truly was. And although there was absolutely no need for it, he understood the boy's stubborn apology. Aw, damn. It was enough to break Buck's heart. Hurt as bad as he was, JD'd somehow managed to end Lady's suffering -- and undoubtedly lost a big piece of his heart in the process.

Buck's own heart swelled with the utter pride he felt for the boy. God he was such a good kid. As JD quieted in his arms, Buck pulled back slightly from JD to look into the boy's battered face. JD was spent, but still looked crushed, as if he'd done something so unforgivable. Buck hoped his heartfelt words would ease the guilt from the kid's wounded soul and bring him back from despair. "She's fine, kid. Just like I told you. She's all right now. . .thanks to you."

Buck's tender words absolved the boy from his guilt and JD smiled in his acceptance. Exhaustion finally claiming him, JD shifted slightly in Buck's grip, resting his head once more against his friend's chest and closing his eyes with a relieved sigh.

A matching sigh parted Buck's lips as he finally released the wellspring of emotions he'd been keeping in check, and tucked his head next to the boy's own. Pulling JD even closer, he also shut his eyes and reveled in the miracle that his kid brother was truly alive.

JD was alive.

---

A warm breeze wafted through JD's window and Buck couldn't help being struck with how calm and quiet everything was. What he wouldn't do for just a little racket. JD was still sleeping soundly in his bed, looking the worse for wear, but a hell of a lot better than he had four days earlier.

Nathan had told Buck to take a break, that JD would stay out quite a while longer. The morphine Jackson had given the boy, to render him blissfully unaware of the jarring wagon-ride home, was still in his system and the kid would likely sleep for a few hours yet. Buck still couldn't bring himself to leave the kid, though. After two days of fever and another two of recovery in the Chief's hut, Buck wanted to be there with him when JD discovered that he was home.

The kid was home. Thank God.

The gunslinger shuddered at the haunting recollection of seeing JD and Lady at the base of that cliff, so still -- so lifeless. Lady's front leg had been broken and the kid had the guts and compassion to put her out of her misery. Buck was so proud of him, but he could tell the kid was still shouldering the blame for what had happened to her. It broke the older man's heart to think about JD's pain and guilt over shooting her and for riding her along the canyon rim in the first place.

Buck hated that the kid was blaming himself again. He'd thought the boy had forgiven himself while still out in the canyon, but the more JD recovered, the more he felt guilty. And JD had enough misery to deal with. The concussion had been bad. Hell, the kid's dizzy spells were still awful. If the boy wasn't so busted up everywhere else, he'd 've wound up flat out on the floor by now, just trying to get out of bed.

Nate kept reminding Buck of how lucky JD was. Yeah, lucky. Buck was so thankful that the kid was alive, but he hardly considered a broken arm, broken collarbone, broken ankle, cracked ribs and more bruises than a naked bronco buster havin' a bad day -- lucky. The kid was a mess.

As he sat in the chair next to JD's bed, one hand resting atop the boy's head, he took comfort in watching the easy rise and fall of the boy's chest. Wrapped up like a mummy as he was, Buck was amazed at how peaceful the kid looked in his sleep, but his own sense of ease lessened when he realized that the morphine had a hell of a lot more to do with the kid's current state, than peace of mind or lack of pain did.

In an almost unconscious effort to comfort the sleeping boy, he rested one hand on JD's good arm, patting it gently. Reaching with his free hand, Buck removed a latigo bridle from the nightstand beside him and placed it in his lap. Running his hand along its straps, he was amazed at both the strength and the suppleness of the beautiful leather restraint. It was truly a work of art. As he remembered Rain handing it to him in the hut that had become the boy's sick room, Buck absently fingered the lettering burned, in all its glory, into the leather.

Buck Wilmington.

Damn fool kid. . .

 

~~~After what seemed like hours of excruciating manhandling, while the kid's arm, ankle and collarbone were set and his other wounds were cleaned, stitched and wrapped as necessary, JD had finally surrendered to an exhausted slumber. Once they were sure the kid was asleep, Chris and Vin left the too-crowded one room hut to the healer and the baby-sitter. It provided Nathan and Buck with more room and breathing space to keep vigil over their young charge, and allowed the best friends the opportunity to seek out a stiff drink.

JD's ordeal had been hell on everyone.

Nathan and Buck sat quietly on the floor, leaning against opposite walls, both too emotionally and physically drained to even carry on a conversation. Both pairs of eyes were closed, yet neither of them were willing to give in to their fatigue, on the chance the boy might wake up in need of them.

Minutes had passed when Rain entered the hut, adding a supply of freshly boiled bandages to the pile sitting on the table next to JD's bed, and offering to return with food and drink for the two men and a bowl of broth for JD. Nathan grinned broadly in acceptance, as did Buck. "Ah, sweet lady. I don't know why they called you Rain when I'd call you the brightest bit 'a sunshine this man has laid eyes on in days."

The young Seminole girl blushed and smiled shyly, as did her beau, and then quickly turned her attention to the sleeping JD. She'd grown fond of the exuberant boy during his visits to the village with Nathan and Josiah. And that affection grew immensely when upon discovering her ‘amazing talent' he had asked her, with glowing admiration in his eyes, if she would be willing to make the tall smiling man called ‘Buck,' a bridle. How could she have said no? Placing her small hand on his fevered brow, she gently brushed away his ever-present bangs and placed a tender kiss on his forehead, before heading out the door.

The two friends smiled again, and Buck sighed a weary sigh. "Well, if that don't cure him, I can't think of nothin' better that will." Buck's face grew serious, but his eyes shone with warmth. "She's a special one, Nate."

"Um hmm. That she is."

The arrival of a beautiful woman always had a way of reviving Buck's energy and spirit. Ever respectful of Nathan's unspoken claim on the Seminole girl, Wilmington's interests in the girl were purely platonic, however his mood was lifted just the same and he found himself moving once again to JD's bedside and talking to the unconscious boy. "Say, kid. You think when you're feelin' better you could tell ole Buck just what had you so all fired up to get out here today?" The gunslinger turned his attention to the healer, and asked the question that was beginning to chew away at him, now that he had time to think of things other than JD. "Say, Nathan? Did he say anything to you?"

Nathan immediately turned his attention to his own boots, but Wilmington didn't miss the flash of guilt on his friend's face as he looked away. Before Buck could repeat his question, Rain returned, carrying a large basket of food. Jackson immediately got up and brushed by Buck, eager to help Rain distribute their rations, but even more anxious to avoid Buck's impending interrogation.

Buck Wilmington was never a man to harbor secrets. It just wasn't in his nature, so he didn't cotton to it when his friends did the same. Oh, he tried to be respectful of his friends' privacy, but just never could understand why they were always so plumb determined to keep everything hidden in the first place. But when the secret had to do with him, or in this case, with the kid he'd just about aged twenty years over, well, that was something he just couldn't abide. Respect for Rain and Chief Tastanagi aside, Buck needed an answer.

Nathan didn't see it coming, but he definitely felt Buck's iron grip around his wrist. At Rain's gasp, the healer turned anxious brown eyes to his friend and saw unwavering determination and a hint of hurt blazing in Buck's eyes.

Buck held Nathan's gaze, but kept his voice soft, so as not to frighten Rain. "Nathan, you know how grateful I am for what you've done for JD, and you know how much respect I got for you, but I think there's somethin' you need to tell me and I think you should do it about now." Despite his tone, Nathan was wholly aware of just how serious Buck was at that moment.

"Nathan, why'd JD come out here?" The gunslinger was more than a little surprised when the next words spoken came from Rain.

"Nathan, you must tell. . ."~~~

 

Damn fool kid. As soon as Buck had seen the bridle, everything had fallen into place and even though he'd steadied himself against the wall, he still felt his knees give way as he slid to the floor in utter disbelief. The bridle was for him. He'd recognized it in an instant. It was damn near identical to the one JD wanted him to buy in Eagle Bend, but a hell of a lot nicer. And Rain had made it for JD. To give to me.

The gunslinger still didn't know if he wanted to slap the kid upside the head with the bridle or give the little shit a big ole bear hug. Both, he reckoned. What was he thinking? Damn fool, stubborn soft-hearted. . .

As the gunslinger sat next to JD and continued to ponder the incredibly varied amount of expletives and adjectives he planned to use on the boy when he next awoke, Buck placed the bridle on the bedside table and returned his hand to the boy's head.

JD flinched at the touch and Buck immediately felt mortified. The poor kid didn't need to be awake yet.

JD felt a light and soothing touch on his head and as his senses became more aware, he recognized the familiar warmth of Buck's big hand wrapped around his wrist. JD couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up without Buck being there, and although he felt a little ashamed of the sense of comfort and security Buck's presence offered him, his embarrassment didn't even come close to how much better he felt, knowing that Buck was right there with him.

Seeking that comfort of his best friend's touch, JD reflexively found Buck's hand and squeezed it, letting the big man know that he was coming around. Coal black lashes struggled to reveal weary hazel eyes, but the kid persevered and finally Buck's smiling face came into focus.

"Hey there, you. I'm sorry I woke ya." The swelling above JD's left eye had finally come down, and Buck's heart twinged at the sight of both eyes open. The relief that he and a certain group of five other peacekeepers felt when JD announced that he could actually see clearly out of it, or at least as clearly as the laudanum or morphine would allow, had been immense. "How're ya doing?"

"'M okay." JD felt a little confused as he took in his surroundings. He remembered vaguely Buck and Chris telling him that they were taking him home and he remembered something else about Nathan having him roll over so he could stab his butt with a needle. The boy hadn't been too pleased about that idea, but the mere notion of his broken bones being rattled all the way home in a rickety old wagon appealed even less. He couldn't remember anything afterwards, not even getting the shot, thank God.

JD accepted Buck's offer of water, then continued to take in his surroundings. He was in his room, not Nathan's, which surprised him a lot. But then again, he remembered Buck saying something about moving in while JD was laid up and then Nathan cursing up a blue streak about there not being enough room in his clinic for Buck at the best of times, let alone when the kid was hurt. Looking about his familiar room, and noticing for the first time the cot that was sitting opposite his own bed, JD guessed that Buck was gonna be his roommate for a while. JD didn't mind.

The boy's breath hitched as his gaze fell onto his night table. Oh, shit! JD saw the bridle, and his face crumbled. Hell, he'd been doped up so much, he kept forgetting what had happened to put him in bed in the first place, and then every time the memory came back to him. . .well, it never failed to shake him up all over again.

Buck recognized the signs right away and chastised himself for leaving the bridle in plain sight like he had. "Easy, kid. Easy. It's all right, son. Everything's fine." He tightened his hold on JD's wrist, and gently stroked the kid's hair, all the while repeating words that had become second nature to him each time the boy awoke.

JD abruptly pulled out of Buck's grip, but regretted the action immediately. As his broken bones protested loudly, he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain and fumbled for Buck's awaiting hand. Buck's soothing words floated in the air above him, and although JD wasn't even trying to understand them, their tone had the desired effect. JD began to settle, and he relaxed his death-grip on Buck's hand.

Tear-filled eyes opened to Buck's concerned face. "You okay, son?"

The kid swallowed the sob he felt clinging to his throat. "Yeah." JD decided to change the subject. He'd figured at this point he might as well get everything out in the open.

"How'd you wind up with the bridle?"

Buck bowed his head, taking a moment to slow his runaway heart -- witnessing the boy in pain like that damn near killed him every time . . . plus, he needed to figure out exactly what he was going to say to the kid. Taking a deep breath, he began. "Well, son. When you didn't show up at the village, Rain gave it to Nathan to take home for you and I guess that's when she explained everything to him." Buck rubbed a nervous hand across his face. "Then after you got hurt, I kinda had this feeling that Nathan knew why you came out here, and. . . Well, you know me. . ."

JD's eyes grew wide. "You didn't do anything stupid, did you?!"

"No, of course I didn't do anything stupid! Shoot."

Buck's voice wasn't quite as indignant as JD hoped it would be. "Buck?"

"Aw, I just threatened him some is all."

"Buck!!"

"Aw, it's all right, JD. Nate ain't mad. 'Sides Rain done told him to tell me everything, and so he did just that."

JD had figured out long ago that most of Buck's bluster had to do with him being worried or scared, but the kid was still none too pleased that Buck had decided to take his worry for him out on Nathan. The teen was relieved to realize though, that he had seen Nathan acting his usual self around Buck, so he decided that he could trust in his mentor and accept that the two of them were still friends.

He looked again at the bridle, uncertain as to what to say, now that Buck knew it was for him.

Buck didn't miss where the kid's gaze fell and he promptly removed the bridle from the table and placed it on his knees. He reverently ran his fingers over the letters emblazoning his name, still amazed that the boy had gone to such an effort to come up with this remarkable gift. As he thought about the gifts the kid brought to him each and every day, and he remembered JD's sacrifice for Lady, the big man's heart swelled with familiar pride and deep affection. 'Course since the boy was too blind to recognize any of those gifts, Buck decided he'd better deal with the one in his hands.

Placing the bridle in JD's good hand, but not releasing it entirely from his own, Buck tilted his head to look into the teen's eyes. His lilt was soft, full of emotion. "Kid, I got no idea what got into that head 'a yours to go and do this for me, but I do want you to know how grateful I truly am. The bridle's beautiful. It's the best damn gift I ever got."

JD's response was not at all what Buck expected. "A fat lotta good it'll do ya now. I killed your horse. Remember?"

Buck let go of the bridle and shook his head in frustration. The kid could rival Chris Larabee in the guilt market at times. "JD--. Son, you are gonna hafta stop whipping yourself over that, boy." Wilmington watched as the teen lowered his gaze to his blanket. With a gentle hand, he promptly reached out and lifted the kid's chin, tilting it just enough to force JD to make eye contact with him. "Are you gonna listen to me, kid?"

JD nodded his head slightly. "'Kay." He sounded pathetic.

Once Buck was certain he had the boy's attention, he removed his hand from the boy's chin and returned it to its place wrapped around JD's right hand. Giving the hand a light squeeze, he continued his talk. "JD, there is nothin' livin' on this God's green earth that comes even a close second to you in my books, all right. Lady was a damn fine horse, but I can buy myself another. Kid brothers are a damn sight more difficult to replace."

JD fell silent, but his eyes spoke volumes. Shining with affection, his big hazel eyes reflected a warmth that spread within him clear from his heart all the way down to his toes. He never thought anybody other than his mama could make him feel this kind of closeness ever again, but then again he never expected he'd find a big brother waiting for him in Four Corners when he jumped off that stage in the first place. It felt darn good. His answering smile was damn near as bright as the one lighting up Buck's face. "Thanks, Buck."

"Well, no need to thank me, son. I'm the one who got the present." In more ways than one.

Feeling the heat in his cheeks continue to rise, JD decided his best course of action was to change the subject. His eyes grew pensive. "So what are you gonna do about Lady, Buck? Hell, I bought the best horse this town's seen since I got here."

This was a conversation Buck was looking forward to. "Well, I'll have you know that the right honorable Judge Orrin W. Travis has himself a fine specimen of a horse he wants me to take a gander at."

"He does?" JD was genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, he does. Guess Chris told him about what happened and the judge sent word that he's got this horse that woulda been right up his alley when he was just a young pup like me. . ." The gunslinger chose to ignore the eye rolling his last comment elicited from his younger partner. Buck was just plain tickled to finally see some of that old familiar spark in the kid's eyes. "Anyway, it's a three year old and saddle broke already. Ole Travis thinks it's a fine piece of horse flesh that just needs some time."

"Well go on. Tell me about this horse!"

Buck was more than happy to oblige. "Well, I haven't seen it yet mind you, but Travis says it's a big ole gray Quarter Horse, 'bout sixteen hands high and right full of spunk."

"You sure you want a gray again, Buck? Won't it remind you too much of Lady?"

"Naw, don't you worry none about that, son. This one's a gelding for one thing, and besides, ole Buck can't be seen riding anything that ain't pretty enough to be wearing this bridle, now can he?"

JD beamed. "Honest?!" JD was getting really excited. He just loved horses. "When are you gonna get him?"

"Now hold on just a minute there, kiddo. I ain't even sure if I'm gonna, yet. I just told ya I haven't even seen him, let alone rode him."

"Well what are ya waiting for?"

Buck couldn't contain his laughter. He'd sure missed the kid's enthusiasm over the last few days. "The judge is gonna bring him by next week when he comes to town." The big man paused for effect. "But I still ain't gonna make my decision right then."

"Why not?" The kid was incredulous.

"Well, I figure. . .since I happen to know the best horseman in the territory, it might just make a bit 'a sense for me to get his opinion, don't ya think?"

JD was terribly confused.

"JD, I ain't gonna buy him until you're up to takin' a look at him."

The kid was speechless.

"Is that all right with you?" Buck hadn't seen that much color in the boy's face in four days. It was a damn fine sight to behold.

For his part, JD hadn't felt this good in forever. Maybe ever. He still hurt like hell, but Buck's words had him just about busting with pride. He nodded his head and broke out into another blinding grin. "Hell, yes it's all right! So, you gonna name this one?"

Buck took the bait and let out an exasperated sigh. "Now son, what did I tell you about givin' names to livestock? It just ain't the same as back east. It's tough out here and a man never knows where his next meal is gonna . . ."

"Buck!" The kid interrupted his mentor. "I ain't never gonna eat no horse, Buck. 'Sides. . .when's the last time you ate horsemeat, anyway?"

Wilmington shrugged his shoulders and laughed heartily. "Well, come to think of it, son. . .I can't rightly say I've ever had none." The shit-eatin' grin plastered on the kid's face at that moment, was worth its weight in gold. 'Course that didn't mean Wilmington was going to let the kid win. "But that still don't mean I'm gonna name my horse."

"Uh huh. Whatever you say, Buck. Whatever you say."

The End