Snake Oil, Dynamite and Pink Flamingoes

by Twyla Jane

The disclaimer is and always will be I don’t own ‘em and never made a plug nickel off ‘em. Wish I did. This ain’t betaed. All the mistakes are mine and mine alone. Thanks to Mog for this AU. 12/29/01

This is an answer to the December challenge
“A seed of doubt once planted, sown deep had begun to grow and crack the very foundation that united them.” Incorporate this into your story whether it be text or theme Any AU Can be anything from drama to dare I say humor Oh did I say that Nathan has to be one of the main players and mind you not just as a healer…? I did now. Now get to it Ladies…. Twyla Jane
Oh yes I know I am evil but I could have asked you to include a barrel of oil, dynamite and some pissed off reptiles … (oh my where did that come from????)

A Nerf football sailed across office skillful snatched from the air by Buck just as he collided into a nearby wall landing in a tangled heap on the floor. The hand clutching the orange and blue foam ball went up to signify the touchdown. The verbal protest Vin was about to launch regarding the score remained unspoken as the ding from the elevator silenced them all. Wilmington barely made back into his cubicle before the doors slid open and Larabee stepped out. The level of noise had decreased by six decibels when the rambunctious cheers where replaced by discussions involving their most recent case. The team’s leader strode into his office after a difficult meeting with AD Travis, the door swung shut behind him.

Some where during in the past week Buck and Vin had conspired together against their leader and the team’s black sheep. Especially after the Hanover incident, the pair deserved a little comeuppance Texas-style. It had started the previous Friday with reports being re-filed with outrageous modifications. Monday, a rodeo clown had been sent to the sing a Happy Birthday to aggravated Larabee. Tuesday it was barbershop quartet. Today a flock of plastic pink flamingoes had some how found their way into Chris’ office, staked out in various compromising positions through out the room complete their thin frames decked out with hula skirts and bow ties that had been purchased with one of Standish’s charge cards, a card that had disappeared and reappeared within the space of an hour from Ezra’s billfold the week before.

Nathan was trying to type out his report desperately attempting to focus on the task at hand when Larabee’s door flew opened a short two seconds after it closed. The ex-medic didn’t have to look up to know the man was pissed, anger emanating off him in waves as looked for the culprits. Jackson didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe at the reason for Chris’ fury he chose the third option ignore his boss. Nate was happy to be off the man’s radar for as long as it would last.

Apparently his fellow agents decided follow suit and played ignorant as well. The clatter of hands busily typing away at keyboards filled the office and it was suddenly very mysteriously devoid of the normal loud bantering between the men.


The name roared across the office causing it to rapidly decrease in size by the second leaving very little room to escape unnoticed or hide within its walls. The unlucky man had only just stepped off the elevator himself and heard his name bellowed. Sighing heavily Standish made his way towards the inevitable confrontation.

“Mr. Larabee do you need my assistance?”

“You son of bitch I’ve had enough of this…”

The conversation was cut off as the door clicked shut behind the FBI agent.

The clattering keyboards silenced as three sets of ears strained to hear any sound that may come from Larabee’s office that would give them a clue. They heard Chris screaming followed by thunderous crash. Watching on as Jackson who needed no prompting rushed into Chris’ office rushing inside and the door slammed shut behind him. Then they couldn’t hear anything.


Inside the office Nate was leaning against the door staring at his boss and couldn’t hold back a quiet chuckle. With all the office shenanigans of the past week he was surprised that Larabee hadn’t popped a blood vessel, that was until he found out what his boys were up to and decided with a little help from Ezra and Nathan to teach them a lesson. Buck and Vin were behind this particular scheme. After the temporary loss of his card Ezra mentioned the incident to Larabee and between them they had found some unusual activity on the account during that time. Nathan had been willingly recruited to spy on the two mischievous agents, his daily covert reports on their high jinx kept everyone else in stitches. Last night was topped it though when sometime well past nine Wilmington and Tanner had smuggled the brightly colored gaudy birds into the ATF offices. Usually Larabee and Standish were the ones squaring off the pair had as much is common as snake oil and dynamite. It was refreshing to see them in a united front in these jolly games, so the normally reserved Jackson came up with a devious plan to stop Vin and Buck’s merry little games.

Nate was doing remarkably well not laughing as he stepped across the room until Ezra who was sitting on the edge of one of the chair smirked and let out a loud, “OOOOWWW!!!” while his fellow conspirator grabbed a thick hard cover book off the shelf and smacked into the desk. Jackson took his cue and yelled. “CHRIS!!!”


Tanner and Wilmington stared at one another for a moment. Had they had gone too far? The wide-eyed duo rushed the door seconds later shocked by what they found.

The trio was laughing at them.

The look on Vin and Buck’s slightly panicked and distraught faces set them off. The rowdy laughter reverberated through Chris’ office. Jackson was laughing the loudest unable to contain himself as he leaned into the desk and eventually slipped down to the floor unable to stifle his unbridled amusement.

“Problem boys?” Chris finally managed to snort out.

“Ah no Chris…”

Buck stammered out more than a little confused. Ezra was slumped into a chair howling in unabashed glee.

One look from Larabee sent Tanner into an almost uncontrollable fit of laughter, he knew they’d been caught no sense denying it.

“Chris, I think were better call in animal control and maybe even 6 o’clock news…” Nathan finally spoke in better between gasps for air.

“Huh?” Wilmington looked at Jackson like he grew an extra limb.

“Seems that animal magnetism of yours is outta control … seems to be attracting these rare polyvinyl pink turf ramblers.” Nathan snorted a little as he did his best Standish impersonation.

“Flamingoes?” Buck stared at him for a second then asked.


Nate, Chris and Ez replied in unison.

“Aw Hell…” Buck slumped his shoulders and hung his head when he realized Jackson had out done him.

This particular game was over but the battle for one up-man ship raged on.