Day 1
"Chris, they should stay with you."
"What! Why me! Buck's place is closer, we all can keep a better eye
on them!"
"Chris, you know Vin and Ezra won't listen to anyone 'cept you. You're
the best choice!"
He and Nathan were outside of the hospital, waiting for Buck and Josiah
to bring the three accident prone youngin's to Chris's Ram and Nathan's
Explorer.
Chris Larabee sighed, he knew he wouldn't win this argument. The ATF
team leader had had it up to his neck with those two. Not only was Vin
restless and had a penchant for disobeying doctor's orders, Ezra was
just as bad, and Chris shuddered when he thought about what the next
week would be like. Chris just sighed and resigned himself to his fate.
"Buck! Will, ya quit! I'm f. . ."
"Don't say that word! Every time you say that word. . ."
Chris and Nathan turned to see the rest of their team coming towards
them. JD was on crutches, his ankle had been badly sprained during the
bust, and Buck hovered like usual, annoying the hell outta the kid. Josiah
was walking in between and slightly behind the sharpshooter and the undercover
agent, ready to catch either of them should they falter. Vin sported
a cast on his left arm and was slightly limping, favouring his right
leg. Ezra didn't fare any better. His left arm was in a sling due to
the bullet wound and he limped as well because he too had sprained his
ankle, but not as badly as JD.
They were the sorriest bunch of youngin's Chris had ever seen.
"So where we heading first? Mine or Ezra's?" Vin was anxious to get
home and away from Nathan's perpetual frowns.
"Neither. We're going to the ranch." Chris almost grinned at the horrified
expressions on the three young faces.
"And pray tell, why?" Ezra asked cautiously.
"Cause you and Vin are staying with me." This time Chris did grin,
a purely evil one at that.
"Good lord! No!" "Now wait one cotton pickin' minute!"
Chris raised his hand as they both started to whine about staying
with him.
"You're staying with me, and you're gonna like it, understand?" That
was whispered in Chris's soft and silky tone (you know, the one that
he usually uses to scare the bejeezus outta someone).
Both men looked at their leader with wide eyes and nodded.
"You boys gonna stay for dinner?" Chris had just finished his shower
and was towelling his blonde hair dry as he addressed the question to
the men in his living room. As they all nodded their heads, Chris headed
into his kitchen.
It was an hour later when he poked his head into the living room and
did a quick head count.
He sighed, "Where's Vin?"
"Thought he was with you?" Buck looked up from the tv with a frown.
"Nope."
"He said he was gonna keep you company." Josiah added, also looking
up.
Chris sighed and turned to go check the bedrooms, but paused when
he heard his horses making a ruckus. 'And so it starts,' he thought.
Chris knew that Vin couldn't stand being cooped up, but the doctor had
specifically told them that Vin could not under any circumstances be
doing anything strenuous for the next few weeks. Chris intended to make
sure that Vin obeyed those orders, even if he had to hog tie the Texan
to a bed!
But once Chris got outside, he lost it. We're talking top blowing,
volcanic explosion, steam coming out of his ears, losing it!
Without a word, Chris stalked up to a wide-eyed, guilt-written-all-over-his-face
Vin.
"Chris, hi! I was just- owwww! Chris?!?!"
"You wanna act like a six year old, fine! I'm gonna treat you like
a six year old!"
"Chris!!! OWWWW! That hurts, let go! CCCCHHRRRISSSSS!"
At Vin's scream, the six other men hurried to the porch. They stood
there paralyzed at the sight that greeted them. Chris Larabee, rough,
tough ATF agent, was dragging ex-bounty hunter, sharpshooter phenomenon
Vin Tanner across the yard. . .
by the EAR!
"Damn fool! Can't listen to the doctor for just one damn week, nooooo!
Gotta go and do the direct opposite of orders! Just like a six year old!
Fine! Act like a six year old!" Chris was ranting now and totally ignored
Vin's wails. He knew that he wasn't hurting Vin, well, not too bad anyway.
Buck, JD, Josiah, and Nathan were still to stunned at the sight to
do anything.
Unfortunately for Ezra, he found the whole thing damn funny and started
giggling. It was the wrong thing to do.
"Think its funny, Ezra?"
Ezra was laughing so hard at Vin that he totally missed the look in
Chris's eye.
"OWWWW, CHRIS!!!"
Buck and the others' eyes got even wider at the spectacle in front
of them. Chris kicked opened the door, dragging both grown men in by
their ears.
Once in the house, Chris headed for the dining room, totally ignoring
the complaints and wails of the two men.
"Chris, this hurts!
"Mr. Larabee, this is highly undignified!"
Chris stopped by the table and hooked a foot around a chair's leg,
using the same foot, he violently kicked the chair towards a corner of
the room. He positioned it until it faced the wall.
"Sit down, stay down!" Chris easily manuevered Vin into the chair.
"Chris!"
"Zip it!" Chris commenced with the same procedure on the other side
of the room, tossing Ezra into that one.
"Now, you're both sitting in those chairs and you're gonna stare at
those walls until I say so! No talking, no moving, no nothing! Do you
understand me?"
"Aww, c'mon cowboy. . ."
"Don't you 'cowboy' me, young man! You will stay there until told
otherwise, understand!" Chris waited for Vin's reluctant nod before turning
to the other corner, "You got me, Ezra?" Ezra stared at his boss with
wide eyes and could only nod his dark head.
Satisfied, Chris turned on his heel and went back to the kitchen,
leaving behind six stunned faces.
"Y'all did it! I can't believe it! You've finally sent Chris over
the edge!" Nathan scolded the two men who had turned bewildered eyes
to them.
"Mr. Sanchez, would you be so kind as to speak to our leader? Perhaps
talk some sense into . . ."
"Ezra! You talking? That's 10 more minutes in the corner! Open your
trap again and it'll be an hour!"
The shout from the kitchen was Buck's undoing. The large man started
laughing so hard that he had to lean against the wall to stay up right.
Josiah's grin just got bigger and Nathan hide his face in his hands,
not trusting himself. JD could only stand there, mouth hanging open,
eyes as big as saucers.
"You laughing, Buck?"
"No. . .no. . .nah, not me Chris!" Buck barely got that out, but the
twin looks of horror on Vin's and Ezra's faces was too much. Fearing
Chris's wrath, Buck quickly stuffed a corner of a throw cushion into
his mouth, effectively smothering his laugh. Funny thing though, it made
him look like he was eating the pillow and that was the last straw for
Nathan. He was smart enough to run from the house, quickly followed by
a red faced Josiah. JD never saw those two run so fast before.
You know, they never did make it back for dinner.
Day 2
"Hello brother Christopher!" Josiah's voiced boomed through the house.
"Hey." Chris looked up from his book in time to see Buck and JD make
a dash for the tv.
"What the hell?" Buck's yell brought Nathan and Josiah into the room.
Once there they stared in amusement and befuddlement.
Someone had taken apart Chris's big screen tv and the parts had been
carefully placed in nice neat stacks.
"Ezra or Vin?" Josiah's amused voice brought Chris's attention to
the rest of the team.
"Ezra AND Vin." Their leader answered.
"So where are they? Mucking out the stables? Cleaning the bathrooms
with a toothbrush?" Buck couldn't wait to see how Chris had handled this
little prank.
"They're in their room." Chris gave them a little smile that had Nathan,
Josiah, and Buck running for the backrooms, leaving JD to hobble behind.
Josiah skidded to a stop when he found his two young friends.
Vin and Ezra were sitting on the floor in front of the bed, handcuffed
to the bed posts!
"How. . ." JD's voice trailed off as he hobbled closer.
JD couldn't help it, he grinned. Chris was his hero and their leader
for a reason. The man was smarter and craftier than all of them combined.
Chris knew that Vin and Ezra could pick locks and he easily remedied
that problem.
Chris had duct-taped huge oven mitts onto their hands!
"Thank God! Get us outta these!" Vin wailed.
"Yes, please, my dear friends. Please emancipate us from this unjust
bondage!"
"Huh?" JD, it seemed was the only one endowed with the power of speech.
"Get us the hell outta these handcuffs!"
Chris stood behind his friends with an unholy grin, "Never, ever mess
with a man's tv!."
Day 3
It was early morning and the two invalids were sitting on Chris's
porch, enjoying their morning coffee.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Ezra high-fived Vin. That would teach Chris to humiliate them like
that in front of the others!
"Hey Chris!"
"Hey, JD. How's the ankle?"
"Hmmm, good. Be better if Buck would quit with his mother hen mode."
"Hey, its for your own good, kid! Damn pup, thinks he can. . ."
"Uh, Chris? Where's Vin and Ezra?" Nathan looked around the living
room, panic beginning to rise. With Chris, you'd never know what he might
do to those two.
"Huh, oh, in their room." Chris said distractedly, stirring the pot
filled with stew.
"We're just gonna go check on them okay?" Buck had picked up on Nathan's
worried mood.
"Yeah, sure. Ask 'em if they're hungry."
"Of course, brother." Josiah was really scared now. Chris was way
too calm. Usually, any time at all with either an infirmed Vin or Ezra
would have Chris in a very volatile state, but he was much too pleasant
and accommodating. It was down right scary.
The four of them hurried to the back bedrooms. What they found stunned
them.
Vin and Ezra were stretched out on the large double bed, gagged, their
hands tied to the headboard and their legs were tied together.
But that wasn't what had the four of them stunned silent. It was something
else, specifically, it was their clothes.
Vin was dressed in a very pretty pink and white muumuu, while Ezra
sported short-pants with suspenders, a very cute sailor's shirt, and
a blue and red propeller beanie.
Buck, JD, Nathan, and Josiah's stunned state didn't last for long.
Buck and Nathan held their sides as they laughed like loons. Josiah's
face was red from trying not to laugh, and JD has fallen to the ground
in a fit of giggles.
Since both men were gagged, they resorted to sending daggers at their
friends with their eyes.
Nathan came out of his laughing state long enough to ungag the two
men.
"How. . .how. . .why?" Buck couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence
through his laughter.
"Mr. Larabee drugged us. Sufficient to say, Mr. Larabee had unjustly
held us hostage in here for nearly the entire day."
"Why?" Josiah stood there with his arms crossed over his huge chest.
"We, ah, we. . ."
"Spit it out, Vin!"
"We put frogs and snakes in Chris's bed! Happy? Now get us gotta these!"
Day 4
It was the fourth night in the what JD had dubbed "Hell Week" (it
reminded him of his time in college when frat houses would play pranks
on each other and initiate new members). He, Buck, Nathan and Josiah
were slowly walking up to the porch to Chris's ranch house. The four
of them were living in dread about what they might find once the door
was opened.
"Chris?"
"Yeah, Buck! In the kitchen! Did you bring my extra clothes for me?"
Buck and the others made their way into the kitchen. They could hear
the tv in the living room and assumed that Vin and Ezra were watching
that night's game.
"Yeah, Chris, but why'd ya need extra. . ." Buck stopped dead in his
tracks and then promptly fainted.
Josiah barely caught him, but almost dropped Buck when he saw Chris.
Chris Larabee was dressed in the butt ugliest polyester leisure suit
on the planet!
The shirt consisted of large dark pink swirls which were randomly
painted onto the ugliest mud beige, while the pants were of the same
horrendous pink!
Chris spared Buck only a glance before picking up his black gym bag
and murmured something about going to change.
Nathan and Josiah exchanged horrified looks. Vin and Ezra! God knows
what Chris would have done to them!
Josiah unceremoniously dropped Buck and followed Nathan to find the
two bodies of their friends.
JD still wasn't over the shock, he was fixed in the kitchen doorway,
his eyes blinking rapidly and his mouth was moving but no sounds were
coming out.
Nathan and Josiah followed the sounds of the tv and breathed sighs
of relief. Sitting on the couch were Vin and Ezra, their heads bopping
from side to side. Nathan and Josiah exchanged frowns, why were their
heads bopping? Vin and Ezra didn't do bopping.
From where they were, neither Nathan or Josiah could see what they
were watching, so they moved into the room.
"Oh dear lord!" Josiah whispered in absolute terror.
"I can't believe Chris would. . ." Nathan's eyes were wide with fear.
12 hours. . .12 solid hours of this could kill anyone!
"I luuve youuuu, you luuve meeee, we're one biggg happp-pppy familyyyyy.
. ."
Day 5
"Hey, Buck, thanks for picking me up."
"No problem. So what's wrong with the Ram?"
"Not sure, I didn't have time to check, it'll have to wait till later."
"So how you gonna get home?"
"Vin gave me the keys to his jeep. I'll get from the parking garage
later."
"JD! Where do you think you're going?"
"To check Seven! I haven't seen him for awhile!"
"Be careful!"
"Yes ma!"
"Its awfully quiet." Buck remarked to Josiah and Nathan as they made
their way towards the house.
"Chris probably hog tied 'em and then gagged 'em." Nathan said with
a smile, remembering what their leader had done in the past week to keep
the two invalids in line.
"Nothing could be as bad as yesterday." Buck said and Josiah murmured
his agreement. One thinking about the prank, the other thinking of the
punishment, both shivered in horror at the memories.
"Hello Chris."
"Josiah, Buck, Nathan." Chris was sitting in his living room, book
in one hand and a whiskey in the other.
"Staying for dinner?"
"Yeah, sure. So what happened to your Ram? I didn't see it. Did you
have to take it to the body shop?" Nathan asked, pouring drinks for himself
and the others.
"Oh. . .its up and running."
"So where is it?" Buck sipped his drink and sank down into the comfortable
loveseat.
Chris didn't even look up from his book, "In my bedroom."
Buck choked on his drink and Nathan nearly dropped his glass. Josiah
sat there, staring at Chris, not sure if he was joking or not. Within
seconds they were scrambling down the hallway towards the master suite.
"Dear God." Josiah stopped dead in his tracks when he opened the door
to Chris's bedroom.
All of the furniture had been neatly stacked against the walls and
sure enough, Chris's huge black Dodge Ram stood, larger than life in
the middle of the room.
The two dead men even had the audacity to wash and wax the truck before
reassembling it in Chris's bedroom!
"What d'ya think Chris did with their bodies?" Buck didn't know why
he was whispering, but he felt safer doing it than talking in his normal
voice.
"Buck!! Nathan!! Josiah!! You'll never guess what Chris did to. .
." JD skidded to a stop when he saw the Ram.
"Show us." Josiah's whispered command brought JD to his senses. Closing
his mouth, JD led the way to the barn.
Once there, they could only stand in awe at Chris's devious mind.
Vin and Ezra were wearing body harnesses (you know, the kind parachuters
wear). Alive and well, but cursing a blue streak, Vin and Ezra hung from
the barn rafters!
"Damn, remind me to never make Chris mad." Buck said in an amazed
voice.
The End
